"And now, ladies and gentlemen," said Chibi, standing on a dais in the royal palace's grand ballroom and raising her hands for silence, "We have with us for the royal feast a very special guest, the Ava~verse's own bard, marvel26!"
Deafening applause drowned out the rest of her words. Waiting patiently for it to die down (and *did* it take a while), Chibi continued: "He'll be here all week; you can get your signed CDs and books at the door. Make sure to give him exaltations to the highest of Agni's heavens, and don't miss checking out his other works by way of the handy-dandy profile function., linked below." ;D
With that, the royal feast began:
Zuko: "He's late. As usual."
Iroh: "Perhaps he's simply lost. This is a big palace."
Ursa: "Yes. Remember the time you got lost and walked in on the female guards changing?"
Zuko: "Mom! Please!"
Ursa: "Momma, why don't girls have...?"
Zuko: "Mother! Please! We have guests!"
Katara: "Oh, don't stop on our account. Please do go on."
Ursa: "Well....it happened when he was six..."
Zuko: "WHY?! When will the hurting end?!"
Aang: "You were right Toph. This is waaaay better than riding the Komodo Rhinos."
Toph: "I know. Aren't mothers a hoot?"
Servant: "Presenting her royal highness Princess Azula and...Begging your eternal pardon and mercy your highness...but where is your escort?"
Azula: "Dead. If his scraggley behind doesn't magically appear this very instant."
Sokka: "I'm here! Now where's the chow?!"
Servant: "Princess Azula and...some...guy."
Sokka: "The name's Sokka, pal! Learn it!"
Azula: "Where the Koh were you?! You just made me look bad in front of my family and your stupid friends. Worst of all you made me look stupid in front of of ZUZU! And for Agni's sake! Where are your pants?!"
Sokka: "A wise man once said, Pants are an illusion."
Azula: "I am going to kill you. By inches."
Sokka: "Death is an illusion too."
Azula: "This is punishment for my sins, isn't it Agni?"
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Sokka: "What's this? It's all watery and stuff. There's no meat for my knife to cut."
Azula: "That's soup. You use a spoon. The soup spoon to be exact. The one on the extreme left."
Sokka: "A spoon's a spoon. Heck, where I'm going, I don't need...spoons."
Zuko: "My, what a funny impression of a Spider-Pig drinking from a trough.
Aang: "Spider-Pig, Spider-pig. Does whatever a Spider...Oofff!"
Toph: "Shush! I'm trying to enjoy the show."
Katara: "Sokka! Stop that!"
Ursa: "My, how interesting."
Sokka: "It's more satisfying this way."
Ursa: "Really? Hmm..let me try..."
Zuko: "Mom!"
Azula: "Mother! No!"
Iroh: "We should embrace all cultures and traditions. Such expreiences make us whole."
Aang: "Well, when in the Fire Nation...."
Toph: "Down the hatch!"
Ursa: "Mmmm...that was..interesting. The flavor does seem to be enhanced."
Zuko: "...Mom?"
Azula: "I can't believe you just did that."
Zuko: "This is your fault Azula."
Azula: "How is that so?!"
Zuko: "He's your boyfriend."
Azula: "He's YOUR friend first!"
Zuko: "Well, you're the one sucking his face in half the time. I can't beat that. I don't WANT to beat that."
Ursa: "Children."
Fire Kids: "Sorry mother."
Iroh: "Ah good! Here comes the main course. Roast Ox-Duck. And for the Avatar...a nice healthy salad."
Aang: "Ox-Duck?"
Zuko: "It's like a regular duck. But with horns. And bigger. Much bigger."
Toph: "That thing is heavy. No wonder you were so big and squishy Uncle Iroh."
Iroh: "A man does need his sustanence."
Sokka: "Hear, hear!"
Ursa: "Care to carve the meat Sokka?"
Zuko: "But..I usually do that..."
Ursa: "Sokka can have a turn today."
Sokka: "Thanks Ma'am!"
Ursa: "Come now...call me...Mom. BOTH of you."
Katara: "....Errm...Yeah..."
Azula: "The carving knife's that one."
Sokka: "I've got my own carving knife. Ox-Duck! Say hello to my little friend! MA-CHE-TE!"
Zuko: "Thank Agni, I thought he was talking about his other little friend."
Aang: "Why are you thinking of Sokka's...?"
Toph: 'Hey! Watch where you're throwing that stuff!"
Iroh: "Flying Ox-Duck! Brilliant!"
Ursa: "At least it got to fly one last time."
Azula: "........"
Katara: "Augh! You got it in my hair Sokka!"
Zuko: "You slapped me with that sirloin on purpose!"
Sokka: "Hey! I gave you the biggest piece! You should be thanking me!"
Aang: "Err...I think some of it got into my salad..."
Zuko: "You dishonor the dead!"
Iroh: "It's just an Ox-Duck."
Sokka: "Done!"
Ursa: "Remarkable. Not one shred of meat left on the bones."
Azula: "Because all of it's on the walls and floor...."
Sokka: "Well? Aren't you guys gonna eat?"
Toph: "I would...if any of it got on my plate."
Aang: "Here Toph, you can have my salad. Sokka got meat in it."
Katara: "Aww. How sweet."
Ursa: "Ozai used to do that for me. Then he went all crazy. I miss those days."
Katara: "I apologise for bringing up bad memories."
Ursa: "Oh no. I meant he used to share food with me during dinner banquets, which was sweet, then he'd get drunk with Iroh and his friends. A drunken Ozai is a funny Ozai. Hmm...I think I'll go visit him later in the cells with a bottle of our finest."
Iroh: "Tell him I said Hi."
Azula: "Give daddy my love."
Zuko: "Whatever."
Sokka: "I see mouths moving but not meat chewing. Isn't anyone gonna eat?"
Toph: "I'll just pick out the meat, Twinkles. You can still eat the veggies."
Aang: "Not when they've got blood on them. Could someone pass me the peanuts?"
Azula: "Slave..I mean...Sokka."
Sokka: "What?"
Azula: "Use your chopsticks."
Sokka: "Toothpicks are for cleaning teeth. Not handling meat."
Azula: "No. They're CHOPSTICKS. You eat with them. Like this."
Sokka: "And I eat with my hands. Like this."
Azula: "It's like talking to a three year old. Mai's brother isn't this bad."
Katara: "You try being related to him."
Zuko: "Disgusting hog-monkey! Keep your food in your mouth!"
Azula: "Right back at you Water Witch."
Ursa: "Azula. What did we say about name calling?"
Azula: "Do it more often?"
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Ursa: "Who wants dessert? We've got fruit pies."
Toph and Aang: "Oooh! Us! Us! us!"
Azula: "Do you have some disguting method of eating pies?"
Sokka: "...Hmm...no. I don't think so."
Azula: "Good."
Sokka: "I'd rather throw them. Hey Aang! Think fast!"
Iroh: "Ah young people are so energetic."
Ursa: "Yes. Truly. I haven't had this much fun in years."
Azula: "...why? Why Agni? Why?!"
Zuko: "Why? Why Agni? Why?!"
~
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[Please note: with the exception of the intro, this entire post has been written by marvel26, as linked above. Seriously, visit his profile for his other great and wonderful (and hilarious!) works.]
