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Post by spiritmage234 on Jul 11, 2007 20:04:38 GMT -5
Let's try to keep this rated PG-13, shall we. Remember: there is heavy romance, then there's smut. XD
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Post by Chibi Chan-o on Jul 11, 2007 20:36:16 GMT -5
The prologue is showing the SasuSaku relationship and how deep it is. I want people to know how much they loved each other before he left.
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Post by neodee on Jul 11, 2007 20:50:48 GMT -5
^I'm a idiot. Is Sasuke and Sasazoo or watever...are they from NAruto? I like JUST started watching that show so I was just curious.
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Post by Chibi Chan-o on Jul 11, 2007 21:00:18 GMT -5
Yup, he is from Naruto. And I probably just gave you a bit of a spoiler for what happens on.
SASUKE.....
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pirateliz
Avatar Aang
Co-creator of A Far Cry From Home.
Posts: 1,153
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Post by pirateliz on Jul 12, 2007 1:26:32 GMT -5
Good job Pirateliz. The only thing that this one suggests is that in your final copy, you should incorporate English and Elvish in the same sentence, so then you won't have to put a big "author's note" box in the page. like Para said, you should give enough detail in your story so you won't have to put author's notes wherever needed. That's actually not in the fanfiction itself, at least not till the very end and the story itself is completly done. Its exactly like Tolkien's own appendixes in the Lord of the Rings, or the language guide at the end of Eragorn and Eldest.
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Jul 12, 2007 19:03:32 GMT -5
I'm a bit of a scriptwriter, so..HERE WOULD BE ONE OF MY WWII SCRIPTS note: it picks up in the middle. and before we start quick thing on the characters introduced before this scene begins Brian Nicholas MacDonald: Irish/Scottish main character, 20 years old, pfc. (no the middle name bears no real prevalence) he sprots a Roman nose Donald Walker: English/Polish supporting role, 22, cpl. Thomas Ross: 18 years old, English support role, pvt. Don Martin: 19 year old, pfc. Irish, English, supporter 8:10 P.M. The company reaches the attack area Donald and Brian head up the street at the lower (from their view) end of the 4-way intersection, Don takes cover behind a few crates and begins to aim his M1 rifle. Let the Bodies Hit the floor begins to play. he shoots and chaos erupts. soldiers pop up from behind crates and begin firing away at Germans in the area. one soldier throws a grenade. a soldier fires an SMG. Germans fire back and take cover behind buildings, or in door/stairways. cut to behind one soilder in a stairway, he is breathing heavily, he sticks up his Kar98 and and 4 times, coming back down to crank the bolt each time, he pauses, then goes up to shoot again, another four times and is shot and lands in a heap on the other end of the stairway. a few Americans charge up to Germans and melee combat ensues, one German gives a thumb to the eye and a rifle butt to the ribs, the American collapses. An american quickly comes up and smaches the German with his rifle, the American digs his bayonet into the German, another German and the American clash rifles a few times. The american finally connects and knocks the german out, he wipes away his hair, which is hanging down in front of his head. cut to Brian, shooting 8 times, he reloads and chucks a grenade at a cluster of Germans, they scatter, and 3 of the 5 are killed by American fire, two escape into a doorway. firing continues, with a few casualties on both sides. Martin and Ross begin to move up through the streets, shooting at any Germans who oppose them, it appears that the Germans are fleeing off the street, and down all other ends of the four-way intersection Cpt. Johnson: Come on! They're fleeing, let's chase them! The men begin to charge out, however they are killed by a three way German crossfire, the Germans did not really flee, just st up a crossfirer point, after some of the Americans have died they come back to a head on assault, the Americans begin to throw grenades at them. The Germans fire back, and Donald charges up to the Germans, along with a few others, he is taken down after a few blows. Brian runs to get him back, and is able to drag him several feet until the blows he's taken brings hi down, he is able to chuck Donald, then falls to the floor music fades out. more music for the film: MetalingusSlow Chemical used when "bad cop" comes in, and in between co psessions.
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Post by neodee on Jul 12, 2007 21:10:52 GMT -5
^Hey cool! My older bro's a script writer! You looking to become a professional? (If you aren't already, I don't know how old you are)
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Jul 13, 2007 8:26:34 GMT -5
^Hey cool! My older bro's a script writer! You looking to become a professional? (If you aren't already, I don't know how old you are) I'm just 13 so kinda below the legal working age here.
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Post by neodee on Jul 13, 2007 8:51:24 GMT -5
^That's cool, although I don't think you have to be a certain age to script write.
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Zink
Ty Lee
"Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love." 1 John 4:8
Posts: 4,279
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Post by Zink on Jul 14, 2007 18:50:18 GMT -5
From what I got, it was pretty good, put I found it kind of hard to read.
Remember, the enter key is your friend. It's a whole lot easier to read if you put each "cut to" in a differnt paragraph.
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Jul 14, 2007 19:40:33 GMT -5
From what I got, it was pretty good, put I found it kind of hard to read. Remember, the enter key is your friend. It's a whole lot easier to read if you put each "cut to" in a differnt paragraph. enter key...friiiieeeennnddd. *hugs enter key* did the time/moves fit with my song of choice?
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Post by spiritmage234 on Jul 16, 2007 9:34:45 GMT -5
I just finished two chapter outlines for KON. I don't know which chapters they're gonna be yet. I gotta finish writing chapter one still.
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Post by neodee on Jul 16, 2007 20:34:42 GMT -5
^I just got a new story concept down last saturday. I might piece it together to show you guys. It's cool.
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Post by spiritmage234 on Jul 18, 2007 18:36:03 GMT -5
^I always make up new character concepts, like how you do in an RPG. But I dunno if I should use em in my stories or not. : P
Does anyone ever consider doing character art for their stories? I would but I need to learn how to draw better. ><
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Post by Aura of Cruxis on Jul 22, 2007 0:45:33 GMT -5
OMG PEOPLEZ WHO WRITE~! *flail* BUT 1 T0T477Y Sux0rz at wr1t1ng!<--(Example of the WORST way to word ANY sentence, let alone a story.)
I CONSIDER drawing. I just don't have the talented hand for it...Haha.
I'm not the best at writing...Especially now, since my style gets somewhat monotonous and bleak with dialogue. I don't know what to do, really. I place quotes at the beginning of sentences, the end, or I break the quote in the middle, and add something else. Something about it...Just becomes like...BLAH. (could someone help please?)
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