|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Sept 4, 2006 12:49:47 GMT -5
In the Spirit World, General Zeeca, third in command of the Fire Millitary, was on a mission. The dark and spiritualy influenced general sought out one of the oldest, and most feared, spirits to ever live in both the Spirit World, and the Mortal World. Ganosis, the spirit of violence, hate, anger, and cursing, was the ancient spirit he sought. The spirit monster is encased in a metal suit. He lacks bending powers, but is very well trained in the duelsword arts, well six of them, he has six arms. General Zeeca aproaches Ganosis's lair, an ancient cidatel.
Skulls and bones litter the stone path and steps to the cidatel. Skeletons hang from walls and poles. "Who dares enter my lair?", Ganosis demands. "It is I, General Zeeca of the Fire Nation.", Zeeca answers the spirit. "Fire Nation? Well come on in. Firebenders are welcome here.". Zeeca enters the main hall. "What brings you here?", the metal encased spirit asks. "I have a proposition for you...".
In the mortal world, the gang is heading for Ba Sing Se. Unknown to any of them, a dark spirit is hunting them. "Look at this, 'Ba Sing Se, 398 Miles'!", Sokka complained upon spotting a road sign.
Suddenly, Toph senses something is approaching. "Something is coming toward us. I can feel it, now that we are on solid ground again." Suddenly, steady breathing can be heard. Well whatever it is, it's getting closer.", Katara says. Just then, the breathing stops.
Then, out of nowhere, a metalic monster with six arms jumps out and lands right in front of them. "HAHAHAHAHA!!! Well, well, if it isn't Avatar Aang himself. It is a honor to meet you.", the spirit says.
Just then, he bends to the ground and sinks his sharp, metal fingers into the rock and dirt. He then uses his strength, and lifts a chunk of rock from the ground, and hurls it a the gaang.
TO BE CONTINUED...
A/N: Please read and review.
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Sept 4, 2006 18:00:35 GMT -5
Sokka pulls out his boomerang and throws it at Ganosis. The spirit simply stands still as the boomerang bounces off the armor plating on the metal suit. "Pathetic mortal!!", Ganosis shouts as he slams his left arm into Sokka's stomach. Toph sends a rock hurling toward Ganosis's head, but he quickly catches the rock with his right hand and crushes it. As Toph gets into an earthbending stance, Ganosis uses his six arms to draw six duelswords. "You cannot stop me! I am an imortal.", the spirit shouts.
He slashes his swords around as he charges at Toph. She bends up a cone from the ground, a big one. Ganosis slams into the cone and backs away a few feet. "We don't have to stop you!", Toph says,"We just have to make sure you lose!". Ganosis jumps over the cone and charges at Toph again. "DIE!!!".
TO BE CONTINUED...
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Sept 11, 2006 15:54:39 GMT -5
Ganosis continues to slash his duelswords aroung as he charges at Toph. Just then, Aang jumps in and sends an air punch at the spirit monster. Ganosis is knocked off the ground. Katara bends some water and water whips the spirit's back. It would have cut his back open, had the spirit not been encased in his metal suit.
Ganosis then hits the ground hard. He coughs, but then gets up with almost no problem. He puts his swords back in their sheaths, 3 duelswords in each (he wears 2 sword sheaths). Then, his three right metal arms attatch together to form one arm, then his left arms too.
"That's not fair!", Sokka shouts. "You have six arms and six swords!". Ganosis turns his head (which is encased in a metal mask/head, attached to his metal suit), and stomps over toward Sokka. He then hoists Sokka up off the ground and holds him by his shirt. The spirit monster's glowing red eyes send Sokka an evil, murderous glare.
"Unfair?", Ganosis says."MY WHOLE LIFE IS UNFAIR!!! BOOMERANG BOY!!!". Just as he is about to slam Sokka head first onto the ground, Katara steps in. "Let him go!", she yells. His eyes are still showing that muderous glare, yet Ganosis just drops Sokka.
TO BE CONTINUED...
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Sept 11, 2006 16:40:00 GMT -5
AN: Will someone please review? I want to know if I stink at this.
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Sept 12, 2006 16:10:48 GMT -5
Katara helps Sokka up and then the two run as Ganosis sinks his fingers into the ground and lifts up a chunk of rock. "Run all you want scum!", Ganosis shouts."But if the Fire Nation doesn't kill you... I WILL!!!".
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Sept 23, 2006 12:55:58 GMT -5
Shortly after the attack of the drill, night falls on the wall of Ba Sing Se. Ganosis crepts up to the wall in the darkness and sinks his metalic fingers into the wall and climbs up. The Guards start to hear heavy breathing.
"Do you here something?", one guard asks the other "No, I... urrk!!", Ganosis has thrown a coconut at a guard. He lepts over in front of the other guard. "Where is the Avatar?!!, he shouts. "Talk, or I'll kill you right here!!".
"Where did you get a coconut?", the guard asks. "I found it, now...", Ganosis is cut off by the guard, "Found it? Here? Outside the wall?". "Yes you impared idiot!", Ganosis yells.
"You couldn't have got it here, the coconut is tropical.", the guard states. "The halkswallow(halk-swallow birds) may reside here, but it leaves for the north after summer.", Ganosis says with frustration. "Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?", the guard asks.
"Not at all, it could be carried.", Ganosis responds. "A halkswallow carring a coconut?", the guard questions. "It could grip it by the huk(the top of a coconut).", Ganosis argues. "It is not a question of where it grips it, it is a simple question of weight ratios.", the guard responds,"An eight ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.".
"It could be carried by a robinswallow.", a third guard states. "SHUT UP!!! ALL OF YOU MORONIC BAFOONS SHUT UP!!!", Ganosis shouts. "Robinswallows are non-migratory.", the other guard argues.
Ganosis gives up and walks down the steps to the countryside.
"Wait, suppose two halkswallows carried it together?"
TO BE CONTINUED...
A/N: Inspiration for this chapter from Monty Python.
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Sept 24, 2006 10:46:01 GMT -5
Just as the last train of the day leaves the station, Ganosis lepts down onto the one of the car's roof top. Then, for 9 hours, he waits on the roof until the train reaches the city.
As Ganosis goes through security, a guard approches him.
"Sir, no sharp, metal objects allowed in the city.", the guard says. "Shut that hole in your face!!", Ganosis shouts. "I am afraid you will have to come with us.", the guard says, "You are under arrest.".
Ganosis transforms his two arms into six arms, three on each side, and then he draws his six swords. "I got a better idea...", he says,"...DROP DEAD!!!". Then, Ganosis slashes two of the swords and strikes the guard in his chest armor. The slash is so strong and swift that it sends the guard hurling up against the wall.
"In the name of the King!", another guard shouts. As civillians and refugees scream, they run and shout panicked cries. Then, 38 guards draw their swords and spears and charge at Ganosis.
Ganosis charges at the guards in reponse, slashing all six of his swords around. "KEE-HAWW!!!", he says apon running into them. Each guard who charges further is hit or slashed with a sword and sent flying against the walls of the arrival staition. No guard can even get to the spirit monster before getting hit. As the last few guard are getting sent back flying through the air in pain, Ganosis laughs evily and shouts "MORE!!! MORE!!!".
TO BE CONTINUED...
A/N: Will someone please review?
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Oct 11, 2006 19:04:14 GMT -5
After eluding(sp?) the police, Ganosis continues his hunt. Searching for clues on the Gaang's exact location, Ganosis journeys into the lower, slum section, of Ba-Sing-Se. He arrives at a run-down, gambling and drinking cantina. The spirit monster approaches a drunken gambler sitting at the bar, keeping him away from the bartender.
Ganosis hoists the drinker up into the air by the shirt and says,"You are all done.". Then he hurls the man through the window and wraps his metalic claws around the bartender's throat.
"Please, don't hurt me!", the bartender says, in fear of Ganosis' next move. "Name your price!", the bartender adds. "The Avatar, where is he?!!!", Ganosis shouts.
"I saw a goofy, bald kid pass through these streets, he had an arrow tatoo on his head.", the bartender answers."That's him!! Where does the filth live?", Ganosis asks.
"The boy seemed quite clean to me.", the bartender responds. "I am not amused!!", Ganosis yells. "Where does the wretched scum live?!! Talk, or I'll carve you up in itty, bitty pieces."
"The upper city I assume, it seems to fit a place for the Avatar.".
"Thank you.", Ganosis says. "Now that wasn't so hard was it?". Ganosis releases the bartender's throat and walks out of the cantina, into the night.
TO BE CONTINUED...
A/N: Will someone please, please read and review?
|
|
Sheogorath
Kyoshi Azula
Lord of the Never-There
Yeah, an Avatard and a brony. Got a problem with that?
Posts: 2,223
|
Post by Sheogorath on Oct 11, 2006 23:53:44 GMT -5
I can tell you that you spelled elude correctly. I just skimmed it, and the parts that jumped out at me were pretty good. I'll get around to actually reading it, but I'm kinda busy with some other stuff at the moment. Actually, I can tell you that most stories go over better when they're completely in past tense, or are happening in real time, you clearly have both. Fix that, and it will be better. And I can give you an example, the first few sentences of your story start out past tense, then you suddenly switch to real time, present tense, "The spirit monster IS encased in a metal shell... He HAS six arms." Either make your first sentences present tense: "General Zeeca IS on a mission", or make the rest of your story past tense, "Meanwhile, in the Mortal World, the gang WAS HEADED for Ba Sing Se". Go back and read your entire story, and make changes where necessary. If you need help, pm me, and I'll tell you EXACTLY where you need to make changes.
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Oct 14, 2006 10:32:27 GMT -5
Around noon the following day, Ganosis takes a break at the uppercity park. He sits on a bench.
"Look at all these flowers, so pretty. It disgusts me!!", he says to himself.
Ganosis hears screams of fear not to far away, seeming to be coming from a bridge.
"Someone is screaming... and I'm not causing it!!". Then, the spirit monster sees Toph and Katara talking about looks and so on. The spirit thinks he saw them before, which he has. After they finish talking, Katara notices the metalic spirit monster.
"Oh No!", she says.
Ganosis stands up and walks right into their way. "You two seem familiar, like an old rival or a friend of someone I hate."
"I know!", Ganosis yells, he finally realises who the two girls are.
Ganosis' two arms transform into six arms, three arms on each side, and he draws six duelswords.
TO BE CONTINUED...
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Oct 14, 2006 17:27:58 GMT -5
"Run!!", Katara shouts. "Ow! Katara!", Toph says, "I'm blind, not deaf!".
Katara grabs Toph's hand and runs away from Ganosis. He starts to run after them. "Get back here you cowards!!", He shouts following their every twist and turn around the city streets.
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Oct 14, 2006 17:39:35 GMT -5
It is time I gave this story a rating... PT, or Pre-Teen. I declare this story suitable for ages 11 and up. Caution for those you may be ages 10 or 9.
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Oct 14, 2006 18:26:53 GMT -5
Katara and Toph kept on running from Ganosis. Both knew that if they faced him, they would die painfully. Ahead Katara spotted the Cabbage Merchant and his cart of cabbages.
"Toph, there is a cart up ahead!", Katara shouted, "You go around left, I'll go around right!
The two girls split-up and go around the cabbage cart, meeting up again on the other side.
Ganosis did not run around however. He charges at the cart slashing his six duelswords around. Upon reaching the cart, the sword slashing hacks the wooden cart and it's cabbage load into pieces. Ganosis keeps on running.
The merchant is horrified at the sight of his slautered cabbages. "MY CABBAGES!!!".
Katara and Toph run into an old, rundown building. They are now in the Industrial District. The two girls climb some stairs and look out a window. "What is this place?", Toph asks. Katara looks around and spots an old sign and she reads it. "Haggnicila T'bac Idustries". "What? A ciggar packaging plant?", Toph asks.
Suddenly, a metal encased being lepts down in front of them. It is Ganosis. "Your mine girly girls.", Ganosis says. "What do you want with us?", Katara asks. "You are the the Avatar's girlfriend, perhaps you know where said person is?", Ganosis asks. Katara blushes at 'girlfriend', but then says "Aang? He's not...", Ganosis cuts her off. "Shut up you impaired brat!! Where is the Avatar?!! Talk!! Or I'll kill both of you right here!!". Ganosis' glowing red eyes show his infamous murderous glare. Full of his anger, hate, and urge to destroy.
TO BE CONTINUED...
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Oct 15, 2006 11:35:57 GMT -5
"We will never tell you were Aang is!! Never!!", Katara shouts at Ganosis.
"How honorable, but yet foolish all the same.", Ganosis replies. "I gave you a fair warning, and now that you refuse to give in, there is nothing more I can do for you two young ladies.", Ganosis adds to his reply.
"You can let us go unharmed.", Katara says.
"Hmmm...", Ganosis says thinking."Let me respond to that with a poem..."
"... Roses are red, Violets are blue. I can't wait to hack up you! HA!!".
Using his six arms and six duelswords, Ganosis charges at the two girls. Both jump out of the way and Ganosis' swords slash only the wall. Growling in rage, Ganosis forces the girls down the steps as he coninues to slash his swords at them. Katara uses her waterbending to keep the sword slashes and Ganosis at bay, but it won't protect her for long.
"AANG!!!", Katara yells desperatly for help.
Ganosis hits Toph on the head with the handle of one of his swords, knocking the earthbender out. The spirit monster corners Katara in an ally near the gateway back into the upper city.
"This is were your life, young waterbender, comes to an end."
"AANG!!! SOMEBODY!!! HELP!!!", Katara shouts. Tears are forming in her eyes.
Ganosis notices the tears as they fall down her face.
"Don't worry, this will only hurt alot!!", He says.
TO BE CONTINUED...
|
|
|
Post by Kataang's Supreme on Oct 16, 2006 12:17:39 GMT -5
Aang was running around the alleys, streets, and walkways of the industrial district. He was trying to find Katara and get her away from what meant her harm.
Aang found Katara along with a spirit monster all to firmilliar to him, the spirit facing her in a battle stance. Then Aang noticed Katara was trembling with tears running down her face.
Aang creates a pulling gust that sends Ganosis backwards, smashing into a warehouse through a stone wall. As Ganosis stands up, the roof caves in, burrying the metal encased spirit alive.
Ang runs up to Katara, sweeps her up and flees with her. Aang knows that Ganosis will get out of the rubble and go after them soon enough.
|
|