Which is why I'm leaving it as it is.
You think I have ovaries.
He thinks I have a prostate.
Does it really matter?
The FNN skit should be up in a while. I'll throw in some Taang to keep it within the thread's agenda.
Don't worry. No real politics in there.
XXXXXXDDDDDROFL! Oh gd, this reminds me of the time my brother asked me what PMS is. He thought it was some sort of diet cause he heard me talking about it to my friend.
I sent him to my father to get scarred.
I see why you ship Sokkla.
You connect with Azula very well.
Okay.
Here we go.
The Fire Nation News skit.
*Brought to you by Taang! Mmm mmm. It's Taang-rific!*
"Live from the Fire Palace."
"Zuko."
"Mai."
"Ty Lee."
"Long Feng."
"Combustion Man."
Zuko: "Good evening. I'm Prince Zuko."
Mai: "I'm Lady Mai."
Both: "This is FNN."
Mai: "Today's top stories: Rumors of an invasion. Is there a mystery fleet out there? A smelting plant sabotaged. Eco-terrorists or angry river spirits?"
Zuko: "But first Home News."
Mai: "Outbreaks of student protests have marred the once pristine image of our Nation's superior education system. More and more students are now putting down their brushes and picking up picket signs advocating free speech, other freedom rights and more school dances."
Zuko: "Wow, school sure has changed since we went there."
Mai: "Authorities are baffled as to where our once well behaved future hopes and dreams obtained such nonsensical notions."
--------------------------------------
Principal: "This is all that boy's doing!"
Ty Lee: "Boy?"
Principal: "Yes! That boy! With the head band!"
Ty Lee: "All the protestors are wearing head bands."
Principal: "Yes, yes. But it's that one child! Form the colonies!"
Ty Lee: "According to your records half your school intake are from the colonies."
Principal: "The one with the weird parents!"
-----------------------------------------------------------
'Sapphire Fire': "Oh my! The children are protesting?!"
'Wang Fire': "They need discipline! That's what those young rascals need! A good tanning of their behinds!"
Ty Lee: "Is it true that your son...Kuzon, is it? Is the ring leader?"
'Sapphire Fire': "Oh dear La....I mean Agni no! My sweet little Aa...Kuzon wouldn't do that. He just wouldn't. He's not a trouble maker. He's sweet, kind and shy."
'Wang Fire': "I wouldn't be so sure about that."
'Sapphire Fire': "How could you say that?"
Ty Lee: "Well, he is making out with that girl. The one with the gold hairband and no shoes."
'Sapphire Fire': "What?!"
Ty Lee: "Wow. He's really going for it. Like he's got Fire Fever and the cure's in the back of her throat."
'Sapphire Fire': "......how....cute...."
'Wang Fire': "My boy. My boy."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Zuko: "Now there's a cute couple. Don't you think so Mai?"
Mai: "Meh. Whatever. Citizens beware. As a rise in con artist activity, authrorities have advised all to be wary of suspicious and shady characters posing as visually disabled."
Zuko: "The Runaway, as she's called, and her unidentified accomplices are reported to be responsible for a string of high profile cons in the region."
-----------------------------------------------------
Fat rich man: "It was all so sudden. I was in my carriage when it just hit something. When I got out to look, there was this little girl on the ground. She looked hurt and then this bearded officer showed up and told me I had just run over a blind child. You must understand I was panicking. A man of my status can't get into such a scandal. Only after I had paid my weight in gold for her medical expenses did the officer let me of. Little did I know it was a scam!"
----------------------------------------------------
Carnival Guy: "Hey Ty Lee! Long time no see!"
Ty Lee: "Heya! How's it going? I'm on the job now so mind if I ask you a few questions?"
Carnival Guy: "Is this about the Runaway?"
Ty Lee: "Yes. Have you seen her?"
Carnival Guy: "Seen her. I was robbed! She cheated all the money out of the hammer contest! No way sucha little girl could have so much strength!"
--------------------------------------------------
Kid with head band: "Wha? Am I on?"
Ty Lee: "Yes, you're on."
Kid with head band: "Oh wow! Hi Kat...Hi mom! Hi dad!"
Kid's shoe-less girlfriend: "Oh just hurry up and let's go."
Kid with head band: "Oh yeah. Umm...this is about the blind bandit right?"
Ty Lee: "No. The Runaway. Who's the Blind Bandit?"
Kid with head band: "Oh she's soooo cool."
Kid's shoe-less girlfriend: "You got that right. And the Runaway's just as cool too."
Ty Lee: "You do realise she's a criminal right?"
Kid with head band: "That's why she's cool! And strong and cute and....and...well she's just super."
Ty Lee: "Riiiight. Hey you've got one of those head bands. Are you a student protestor?"
------------------------------------------------------
Shell Game Man: "Yeah I's seen the little punks. Scammed ME out of my own scam. Would'ja believe that? Guy can't make a dishonest livin' no more. What happened to honour amongst theives?"
-------------------------------------------------
Zuko: "Yes. Whatever happened to 'Honor'."
Mai: "Done emo-ing?"
Zuko: "Give me a moment."
Mai: "Whatever. Anyone with information on the Runaway and her accomplices, please approach your local authorities. A sizeable reward has been implaced."
Zuko: "After the break, Smelting Sabotage: Angry Spirits or Industrial Espionage?"
*********************************
Earth.
Air.
Taang.
By Mike and Bryan.
Smell freedom.
**********************************
Zuko: "And we're back. Tragedy struck a small insignificant fishing village recently when the local smelting plant was mysteriously sabotaged."
Mai: "Authorities are investigating the cause of the disaster though the locals seem adamant that their local river spirit, the Painted Lady grew angry at the pollution and decided to take revenge. Frankly, it's this anchor's opinion that the villagers have been drinking too much of the river."
Zuko: "What is confirmed that following this incident of eco-terrorism, as the local law enforcement have deemed it, a detachment of heavily armoured mechanized vehicles and troops have been sent in to restore order and salvage the plant. For their own safety, the villagers have been relocated to Coal Mine #534."
------------------------------------------------
Trooper Officer: "We understand that these people depend on the river for their livelihoods. So we came up with a win-win situation. We get them...jobs...at the coal mines. Three hots and cot. Can't beat that."
------------------------------------------------
Mai: "Indeed."
Zuko: "Is that comment? I did not know you had it in you."
Mai: "Just read the prompter."
Zuko: "And now World News."
Mai: "With the recent addition of Ba Sing Se into the Fire Nation Union, there have been rumours of an upcoming invasion lead by rag tag rebels, supposedly on the Day of Black Sun."
Zuko: "Our own roving reporter Ty Lee and foreign correspondent Long Feng dig for the truth."
-------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Lee: "Ma'am. What do you think about this rumoured invasion?"
Oddly familiar woman: "I think it's about time. Some one has to take my lousy husband...I mean, oh dear. How dreadful."
Ty Lee: "Yes. But do you think these rumours are true?"
Woman: "I hope not. Oh my, look at the time. I have to go...water my brother-in-law's White Lotus garden. Oh and I can't forget his tea."
--------------------------------------------------------------
Ty Lee: "Sir? Sir?"
Pian Dao: "Yes miss?"
Ty Lee: "What do you think about the rumours of an invasion on the day of the eclipse?"
Pian Dao: "Well miss, it's hard to say. Life is like art. One brush stroke out of place and what was supposed to be a master piece is now a mess."
Ty Lee: "Yeeeah. But the invasion rumours?"
Pian Dao: "Never heard of them."
------------------------------------------------------------------
Mai: "We go now to Ba Sing Se and foreign correspondent Long Feng."
Zuko: "Long Feng? What's the situation like there?"
------------------------------------------------------------------
Long Feng: "The situation here is calm. The Dai Li have investigated the matter and questioned the local populace about any truth to the rumours. Also they've managed to stop these vile rumours from spreading."
Joo Dee: "There is no invasion of the Fire Nation. All is well. At the tone the time will be...."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Zuko: "We can see that. Thank you. In other news, a village in the western regions have claimed to have captured a witch."
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Villager: "We found a witch. May we burn her?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Zuko: "Purportedly to have taken control of her victim's bodies and dragged them into imprisonment. Now how far fetched is that? Taking control of another person's body?"
Mai: "There are stranger things..."
Zuko: "Quite true."
Mai: "Financial news. Gold plummeted partly due to the recent scams. Wheat is on the rise and steel has sky rocketed."
Zuko: "And now the weather. Combustion Man?"
CM: "........"
Zuko: "......."
CM: "......rrr...."
Zuko: "...Ah...I see....you blew up the map. Must be a heat wave then right?"
Mai: "It's always a heat wave."
Zuko: "Oh. This just in. Breaking news. You heard it here first on FNN."
Mai: "It seems that the Avatar has been spotted alive and well. Right here in the Fire Nation. This from , as it says here, a most honorable and trustworthy source.This does not bode well for Fire Lord Ozai's campaign of tyranny and fear."
Zuko: "Yes and it's a election year too."
Mai: "We go now to Ty Lee who's on the scene at the Fire Palace. Ty Lee?"
--------------------------------------------
Ty Lee: "What do you mean that Water Tribe boy's not cute? He's like a total stud muff....Oh hi Mai! As you know, the ministers are all gathered in the War Room. Unfortunatly we could not get in. I tried knocking a few guards out but more just came. Oh wait, the doors are opening! Oh oh oh! Fire Lord Ozai! Fire Lord! A question if you please?"
----------------------------------------------
Zuko: "Ty Lee?"
-----------------------------------------------
Ty Lee: "Well I couldn't get a comment from his royal highness...oh wait, I see Azula! Azula! Azula! Could you answer some...?"
Azula: "Get that (censored) thing out of my face!"
Ty Lee: "Well there you have it. The Royal Family declines comment. Back to you guys."
---------------------------------------------------------
Mai: "Facinating. Any comments Zuko?"
Zuko: "Azula's in trouble. Azula's in trouble."
Mai: "Riiight. For all the folks here at the studio, I'm Lady Mai."
Zuko: "And I'm Prince Zuko."
Both: "This has been FNN."
Mai: "Agni bless and good night."
Zuko: "Stay flamin'."
End.
