historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Dec 31, 2006 19:30:28 GMT -5
This is my version of Avatar starting from episode 212 stop now if you liked the latter half of season 2 stop now
andif you like good fanfiction, this one sucks
Aang, Katara Sokka and Toph weren earing Ba Sing Se now. They were but 10 miles away. Katara spoke first about Ba Sing Se "So Aang, are you ready to enter Ba Sing Se?" she said trying to cause conversation. "Oh, Ba Sing Se, yeah, it'll be fun. I guess." Aang replied, somewhat nervous, but making an attempt to sound happy. "Aang, are you feeling okay? You sound like something's troubling you." Before Aang could respond, Toph interjected "I'm sure he's just fine. It couldn't be anything bad if it's his feelings." "Look, Toph, you weren't in this discussion," Sokka replied. "Well, neither were you Snoozles," Katara spoke next "Look, can we please keep calm here, we're just 30 miles away from the city, then we can tell the Earth King about the eclipse." Katara said, trying to stop any kind of fight between Sokka and Toph. They were walking past a small forest atthis point, and in the forset lurked a danger. A man, about 20, was looking through the trees to spy on them. He hurried back to the camp of Azula where he reported his findings. "Princess, the avatar and his party were seen going north up to Ba Sing Se." "Well, then, we'll have to stop them before they reach the city, won't we? Girls, let's go!" Azula replied, in her usual commanding tone. Mai and Ty Lee got up, gathred their belongings, and set off towards the train and within minutes they were off. Zuko and Iroh were moving all throughout the Earth Kingdom coast, rather than take the heavily guarded direct route. They had gone soth, then west until they were nearing Song's village. Zuko, Iroh, and their guide got off the cart, and walked towards the village market, Zuko took the lead and began searching for food, dink, and other itmes that they could use in their travels orhelp them keep up their guise of traders. While Zuko was earching for pottery that they could use for trading Song walked up to him. "Oh, hello, Li, I didn't know you were here. I thought you'd gone on to Ba Sing Se." "hm? Oh, you. We did, but now we're traders" "Oh, well it's nice to see you." Zuko grunted in reply to Song's farewell.
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Jenny Lee
Ba Sing Se Azula
Icon by me, sig by Catalyst
Posts: 2,765
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Post by Jenny Lee on Dec 31, 2006 19:55:44 GMT -5
I like the story, but could you put it into paragraph format. It's hard to read with everything bunched together. Otherwise, good job!
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Dec 31, 2006 21:11:29 GMT -5
Okay, then, my computer won't tab though. Just out of curiousity, do you know how to make the fonts everywhere smaller. They're all huge now.
EDIT: And I forgot to add the next chapter *headdesk*
Here it is: Zuko walked back with a handful of fruits, meat, drinks, and a piece of poterry for trading. Uncle Iroh walked back with an armful of food and a sack stuffed with goods. "Uncle! Did you really have to break the bank on this?" Zuko asked incredulously. "Well, what was so bad? All I bought were a few goods and some food." Iroh replied calmly "We're not princes or anything! We're traders with next to no money!" Zuko exclaimed "Well, we used to-" Iroh said before Zuko interrupted him with a shin kick "Be quiet!" Zuko shouted in a whisper "Oh, right" Anng and his friends were moving were moving alog at a decent pace when Azula's train pulled up in front of them. Aang flew his glider up and away and Azulafollowed hm closely, leavingSokka, Katara and Toph to face Mai and Ty Lee. Mai and Ty lee stood ready for a fight, with Katara Sokka and Toph taking defensive positions. Ty Le jumped into the air, landingnext to Sokka,who repliedwith a quick headbutt. Ty Lee duckedand struck his arms quickly and went back to her stance. Sokka acted quickly slappingher with his arms as he turned. She hit one his legs as a response he hopped to bite her. He clamped down onto her arm, at which point shejumped back, taking Sokka with her. She jumped up and went through a tree leaving Sokka stuck there. Hewiggledback and forth evantually landingon his goodleg, however, it did not stand, and he fell over. Mai threw knife upon knife at Katara, who knocked them out of the air with waterbending. Toph raised the Earth above Mai, throwing her into the air. Mai caught onto a tree with her knves, slowing her down so that she could jump without injury. She threw knives while she flew, one of them pinning Katara to a tree. She threwseveral more, pinning Katara to the tree completely. At this point Ty Lee jumpedbehind Toph, and used several shots to render her useless. I'll continue later. I must sleep.
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Post by yasudaratsu on Dec 31, 2006 21:36:06 GMT -5
Good story and reading, maybe just writing it in paragraphs, you update it weekly?
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Jenny Lee
Ba Sing Se Azula
Icon by me, sig by Catalyst
Posts: 2,765
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Post by Jenny Lee on Dec 31, 2006 21:36:07 GMT -5
No, I don't know if you can make the fonts smaller.
Just put 2 returns between paragraphs. It should space out the story nicely.
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Dec 31, 2006 21:49:40 GMT -5
Alright, I only put one, I'll remember that.
I swear to God I've lost it: here's chapter 3
Sokka lay on the ground only able to move one of his legs. Katara was completely unable to move, and Toph lay unable to move and useless on the ground. Sokka noticedthe river behind them and he pushed up with his one good leg, inching closer and closer to Mai and Ty lee with each push. Evantually he reached their ankles and bit Ty Lee's ankle. She paralyzed his other leg and stepped back. Sokka began rolling and moved closer to them again. They repated this until Mai and Ty lee were only a step from the river bank.Sokka rolled carefully one last time, and they fell into the river and were swiftly swept away thanks to the river. "Good bye and good riddance!" Sokka shouted from the river bank.
He rolled back towards Katara and Toph so he could free Katara once he and Toph could stand. After about five minutes he got back up and took the knifes out of Katara's sleeves and wristbands. Toph rose and they left in the direction that Aang and Azula went.
Aang and Azula were engaged in a firece battle o Sokka, Katara and Toph charged up to Azula, ready to trap her from any escape. Azula, realizing that she was outnumbered and outgunned, jumped behind Aang, and hit him with a quick fire blast. Azula jumped away from them and performed the fireball-escape move. Aang fell face first onto theground and began writhing in pain.
Zuko and Iroh had just set off from Song's village and were speeding down the mountains at very uncomfortable speeds.
"Uncle, do you want us to die in this inferal cart?" Zuko shouted at the top of his lungs. "Oh, it isn't bad. We're not going to crash the path is clear!" They were moving at great speeds and would proably make it to Ba Sing Se within 4 days, rather then the week that it should have taken.
Okay, that's my chapter 3 guys.
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¤SugahSpice¤
Katara
Whovever said nothing's impossible never tried slamming a revolving door...
Posts: 96
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Post by ¤SugahSpice¤ on Jan 2, 2007 10:56:35 GMT -5
Hey History! I found it!
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Post by mochachips on Jan 2, 2007 19:08:58 GMT -5
Yes me too!!!! Pretty good please continue ;D
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Post by happyhapppypizza on Jan 2, 2007 19:13:06 GMT -5
pretty good, what is thisa Tykka gathering point? We have 4 on here, well one is the author...
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Jan 2, 2007 19:13:52 GMT -5
Yeah, we're secretly planning to secretly plan [/sarcasm]
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Post by happyhapppypizza on Jan 2, 2007 19:14:29 GMT -5
That were so funny *exalts*
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Jan 2, 2007 19:37:35 GMT -5
Thank you for the karma. I need inspiration.
Here's chapter 4 thanks in part to mochachips.
Zuko and Iroh's cart hadjust slammed into arock sending everything flying. Zuko, unintentionally, broke the silence.
"Ow, you just had to load thedamn cart with all your 'trade goods, uncle." Zuko said angrily "And I think I'm sitting on one of your dumb Avatar Roku statues."
Zuko got up, and tried to remove the offending object. He ripped it out of the ground to discover that it was not a statue but rather a pointed piece of metal, about three feet indiameter, one foot thick, and 3 feet up and down, and he looked into the hole. There was a large train station there, with many rich looking people there, boarding or exiting the train. "Uncle, come here!" shouted Zuko "Yes, Zuko-oh, my." he sw the large station and nearly collapsed.
"So that's where the soldiers were just popping out of or coming from in my seige." "Let's go there,itcouldget usback to Ba Sing Se faster, after all, we have no cart." "But, Zuko, we could buy a new one and continue trading." "Uncle, you senile, old, fool!" shouted Zuko, obviously unhappy with the comment "Could we at least go back first?" "But we could get more-"
Zuko was so angered at that half-statement that he pushed Iroh into the hole. "WWWOOOAAAHHH!" shouted Iroh as he fell and crashed to the ground. "Ooooh," The passengers simply stood and stared at this odd phenomenon of an old man falling through the ground into the middle of the station.
"Um, we-well, I-am sorry about that. My nephew and I were looking for this place and we had a cart crash wit a rock and I was thrown in here. You see,we are wealthy tea merchants, andwe were looking for this place, you see, Li will be here in a moment."
At this Zuko decidied that it would be best for him to calm down and go down there. He jumped and introduced himself as Li, the nephewof thisman,and triedtoget on the train without much fuss. Unfortunately all eyes were fixated on them and it was no use.
"Where are you going" the ticket man asked. "Ba Sing Se." Zukosaid, before Iroh could name a location. "Ticket?" "What?"
"Tick-et."
"Um well, you see-" Zuko stammered
"We lost them in the crash." Iroh interrupted.
"Well-"
"We herebyentitle you to half of our profit"
"I was going to say lright, but that's fine"
Zuko grunted at this misfortune
They enteredthe train and took off.
I have to stop now because of my dad.
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Post by happyhapppypizza on Jan 3, 2007 15:43:47 GMT -5
preety good.
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Post by yasudaratsu on Jan 3, 2007 15:59:27 GMT -5
Yeah, very good, it is still improving.
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Jan 3, 2007 18:35:23 GMT -5
thanks guys anway, on to chapter...5?
Iroh and Zuko boarded the train, trying to ignore thestaresthat were fixated on them.
"Uhh, uncle.. this seems weird."
"We fell from 30 feet up,what do you expect?" "Yeah..."
They sat down on the Earth train and tried to act normally, though it was hard with the mob staring at them.
"Excuse me, but who uses this train?" Iroh asked the man next to them.
"Well, it's used by the wealthy, and it'salso a hotbedo the L.O. movement." the man replied
"L.O.?"
"Liberate Omashu." "Oh,'' They stopped talking and went back to just sitting there. Be fore long the train arrived in Ba Sing Se. Zuko and Iroh departed and walked back to their small home. They walked in an zuko immediately inquired about Iroh's small conversation.
"Oh, it was just about the train goers. Aparently, they want to rebel in Omashu."
"what? They can't! The traitors!"
"They're not traitors, they are from the Earth Kingdom."
Sokka lifted Aang into Katara's arms, so she could heal him. Katara put Aangon his back and on the ground. She put her hands on hisback where he was burned and it healed slightly, bu didn't do too much.
Ugh. I have to get ready for karate, more later.
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