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Post by avatrshay on Dec 25, 2006 19:12:24 GMT -5
******* A great dishonor, he must be taught a lesson. He grovels...I take no pity. I feel nothing but hate surging through my heart, flame in my eyes, fire in my hands. I hear his screams of agony but I do not back down. Clear in my mind is the image of a young boy with a mark of a banished prince. I raise a child, an awful child, with a black soul. She also sees the image of the boy. Instead of grief she finds happiness in the image. A replica of the example I have been setting for years. I realize this is wrong but I do not back down. I show no pity. I show no mercy. I know he longs for acceptance. He longs to come home. This I know. I want to back down, I can back down! But I don't. For I am the flame in every eye of the fire nation. I am the son of fire!
There is no moral of this story. Only endless thoughts. Only the darkness that will cloud both of our minds for the rest of our days. *********
As you can see I am a terrible writer, but I had to get this idea out of my head sooner or later. I am ALWAYS up for criticism.
Thanks for reading.
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Atmos
Casual Zuko
Tame the Flame
Posts: 946
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Post by Atmos on Dec 25, 2006 22:29:47 GMT -5
I find this really interesting because this is the first fanfic I've seen putting the reading in the eyes of Ozai. I really like this a lot; I find this to be very believeable in terms of his character. In a way it's sort of satisfying...reason being because throughout the series of Avatar the audience is left to portray Ozai as a completely ruthless villian of pure evil..almost t the point that we forget that he's merely human.
Personally I think it's impossible for someone to be purely evil, and this poem brings out his flaw, revealing inner turmoil that he continues to deny, because in the end his pride and desire ultimately stand tall (being that he's a firebender).
Awesome job!
Sorry if this isn't much; I'm much more of a prose than a poem-type. (PS: If you have time could'ja do a review on my fic ;D)
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Post by avatrshay on Dec 25, 2006 23:52:50 GMT -5
Thankyou so much! I am glad you got that much out of the poem : ) I have been thinking about this a lot so I finaly decided to type it up and post it.
I would love to review your fic. Seeya there!
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Pleading Eyes
Kyoshi Mai
I feel violated... and crispy
Posts: 2,327
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Post by Pleading Eyes on Dec 26, 2006 2:05:17 GMT -5
I think it was wonderful. Showing Ozai's doubts and irrationalities, his pride coming in the way of doing what he knows is right.
You had a few spelling mistakes here and there, confused a couple words, but that's nothing. It's the style of the writing and the content itself that makes good writing.
If you want, I'd be happy to edit the mistakes for you.
It's really very good.
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Bleda
Kyoshi Mai
Wise Kataang/Soph Elite
Time defies logic thus it cannot exist.
Posts: 2,362
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Post by Bleda on Dec 26, 2006 2:07:07 GMT -5
It is cool, but a little rhyme could make it perfect.
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Post by avatrshay on Dec 27, 2006 15:04:18 GMT -5
Thankyou all for your compliments! I might post one for another character, any suggestions?
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Post by historyman12 on Dec 28, 2006 18:51:51 GMT -5
Good, good, this reminds me of Empy's fic for the contest. Would you mind repling to my fic? For another character, I suggest Mai, why, I dunno.
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Post by avatrshay on Dec 29, 2006 15:16:56 GMT -5
Good, good, this reminds me of Empy's fic for the contest. Would you mind repling to my fic? For another character, I suggest Mai, why, I dunno. Mai..sounds fun...I love writing things like this! Thanks for the idea! Be sure to check it out, I will dedicate it to you!
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