Kuro: Every War Has A Prequel

[Frostbit Lantern]

Hey guys, I'm working on my second Avatar fanfiction. =)
It's at www.fanfiction.net/s/4494285/1/Kuro_All_Wars_Have_A_Prequel
All reviews are highly appreciated!

edit: Chapter 2 now up.

[Kohana]

The link doesn't work.

If you use the "live_preview" link then only the author can see it. Others only get a page that asks for an e-mail and password, which are yours because you are the author.

[Frostbit Lantern]

Sorry, my mistake.
www.fanfiction.net/s/4494285/1/Kuro_All_Wars_Have_A_Prequel

[Kohana]

It's okay.

Okay, I read the story. It's interesting, I definitely like to read more.

There is one minor critique, though:

Here is the truth: I am Princess Kuro, daughter of Sozin and a concubine, born fifteen years before the start of the war.

That is phrased in a confusing way. It's as though Kuro is a concubine. Maybe you should re-write that like, "daughter of Sozin and of a mere concubine".

[Frostbit Lantern]

Aug 23, 2008 20:33:58 GMT -5 Kohana said:

It's okay.

Okay, I read the story. It's interesting, I definitely like to read more.

There is one minor critique, though:

Here is the truth: I am Princess Kuro, daughter of Sozin and a concubine, born fifteen years before the start of the war.

That is phrased in a confusing way. It's as though Kuro is a concubine. Maybe you should re-write that like, "daughter of Sozin and of a mere concubine".

Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. ^^
And I see what you mean, that really does sound odd. *fixes it*

I'll be posting the next chapter in a few days, so check back.