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Post by Annapurna1 on May 30, 2007 5:03:39 GMT -5
authours' note ..all legal ownership disclaimers apply...
this story begins at the end of crossroads of destiny (II-20)...
"the earth kingdom has fallen"..the earth king moped as appa flew off into the night...
and then suddenly..the night disappeared into a brilliant white void...
"WTF??"..said sokka...
and then names started appearing in the void..larger than life ..directed by... associate producer ......
"huh??"..said aang as he emerged from his near brush with death..."katara..who are these ppl"..he said..referring to the names in the heavens...
"i dont know"..said katara.."but you better write them down..sokka"...
sokka whipped out a quill and began frantically copying the names as they flashed in and out of sight...
the void below them suddenly turned black..and aang instinctively directed appa to follow the last name upwards...
and then the world returned...not surprisingly..they were in a place where they had never been before ..the air was smelly and almost impossible to breath.. and they began coughing violently...forturnately..aang was able to bend a pocket of pure air around them...he had smelled this smell before..when the fire nation invaded the north pole...but this time it was much worse...a brownish layer of stink was clearly visible in the air between the sky above them and the ground below...
the most obviously visible structures beneath them appeared to be paired roads of some type.. much larger than any they had ever seen.. and packed with self-propelled vehicles seven abreast on each side that were not really moving..but merely fouling the air and making blood-curdling noises...every now and then two or more such roads would meet in an unsightly multi-leveled tangle of bridges.. these were marked by large green signs proped up over the roadways...
such self-propelled vehicles only existed in one place...
"we must be in the fire nation"..said katara nervously...
"good..then lets kick the firelords' Equus asinus and get out of here"..said sokka...
"it wont be that easy"..said aang..."after azula knocked me out with that lightning bolt..i went into the spirit world..and one of my past lives told me that i wont be able to use the avatar state"....
"we can still get him during the eclipse...until then..we just have to make ourselves scarce"..said katara...
"in the mean time"..said aang.."we need to find out where the firelords' palace is...im pretty sure were in the fire nation capital...whats' the name of this town..anyway?"...
"hollywood"..said the earth king..pointing to a huge sign on a mountaniside...
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Post by Annapurna1 on May 31, 2007 0:19:09 GMT -5
"hollywood??"..interrupted toph.."boy..the fire nation sure picked a lame name for their capital"...
"there..that must be the palace"...said aang..pointing at a series of large buildings down the mountainside from the hollywood sign...
"your not planning on crashing the firelords' cats' burffday party??"..said toph...
"of course not"..answered katara..."aang..we can land in the woods in those moutains..they wont find us there"...
the first thing they noticed as they descended was the degradation of the flora caused by the poor air quality ..tree trunks were black from the soot.. and folliage was often wilted and deformed...some small animals also became visible..which were a little different from those in the earth and water nations...
"meat!!"..shouted sokka at the sight of what looked like a rabbit without antlers...
"there...the clearing near at the base of that cliff"..said katara...
appa touched down..and toph earthbent a large cave into side of the cliff where they could hide in...minutes later..everyone had sunk into a deep sleep..exhausted from the battle with azula...
katara was the first to awaken the next morning..with her throat choked and her eyes watering from the sulphurous smell in the air...the others soon followed..in the same unhealthy condiditon...
"are you sure we can breath this air until the eclipse?"..said toph...
"bosco cant"..said the king...
"no..we cant"..said katara..."but we cant turn back either"...
"why not?"..said sokka...
"because it'll ruin the plot"..said katara...
"but how can we take on the firelord without the avatar state?"..said aang...
"maybe we dont have to"..said sokka.."remember that thing we passed through with all those names?...it must have been the spirit world...maybe the spirits gave us the names of ppl that can help us!!..."
"yeah..right...but how are we supposed to find them"..said toph...
"we could always crahs the firelords' cats' burffday party"..sokka replied with his hallmark sarcasm...
"wait"..said katara.."thats a brilliant idea...the last time i saw a fire nation wanted poster..they were only looking for aang.. and i doubt the word could have spread this far in only one day...toph..me and you will go into the city...aang..dont come after us unless i dont return by sundown...sokka..give me that list of names"...
katara copied down the names and returned the original to sokka...and then she and toph exited the cave...
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Post by Annapurna1 on May 31, 2007 23:38:25 GMT -5
katara and toph came to a small stream on the way down the hillside...katara bent a rope of water up to her nose and smelled it...against all odds..this water was still pure enough to drink...katara emptied out her water skin and refilled it from the stream...toph earthbent a series of rocks across the stream and they continued downward to the city...
the woods gave way to a prairie littered with junk and trash that katara had never seen before ..brightly coloured metal cylinders and bags made out of a strange material that kept returning to its original shape when she stepped on them...across the prarie was a short metal barrier around a circular lot at the end of a small roadway paved with a blackish material...
the road led through a block of dilapidated..heavily grafittied..houses...in the distance katara could see an intersection with a larger road...remembering the view from the mountain..a left turn on this road lead to the palace complex...at each corner of the intersection was a funny-looking tree of red..yellow..and green lamps...
"theres some men hiding there"...said toph..pointing between two houses...
no sooner had she spoken then her and katara were confronted by a gang of burly-looking thugs brandishing metal pipes...toph bent a small but powerful earth wave that knocked the thugs over to either side while they ran through them...but by the time they reached the corner..the thugs were back on their feet and closing fast...katara bent a water whip and immediately smacked the leading thugs squarely in the nuttocks..doubling them over on the ground as the rest of them tumbled over them...
but before they could escape..they were again ambushed by a series of vehicles with blue flashing lights on the top and the word "LAPD" written on the doors and making loud whirring noises...katara had no idea what "LAPD" meant..but it seemed obvious that they must be fire nation soldiers...but the men and women that jumped out of the vehicles werent wearing fire nation uniforms...and they were pointing what were clearly weapons at everyone in the area...katara had never seen such weapons before..but she didnt want to find out what they were...
"everybody get your hands in the air!!"..shouted the commander...
there was too many of them to mount a counterattack...katara and toph had been captured by the fire nation.. along with the thugs that had attacked them...
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Post by Annapurna1 on Jun 4, 2007 23:35:48 GMT -5
the soldiers snapped handcuffs on toph and katara and hustled them into one of the smaller vehicles..while the gang of thugs was herded into a large black vehicle...after what seemed like several hours of navigating through crowded streets..they arrived at a large..white structure where they were led down a series of stairways into a brightly litten urid-smelling underground dungeon..where they were shoved into a cell at the far end with two scantily-clad women...
there were no longer any weapons pointed at them..but still too many guards for them to break out..when katara noticed the soilet...
"toph"..said katara.."what do the pipes look like?"...
toph tapped her foot lightly on the ground...
"theres a pipe here that leads down the cell block"..she said...
"is there anything on the other side of that wall?"..said katara...
"no"..said toph...
katara aimed her amrs downwards at the soilet bowl...immediately a series of loud screams were heard as the toilet water in the front cell shot out of the bowl like a geyser..pelting the occupants with feces...the rest of the cell block was just as quickly emptied of guards...
"now..toph"..said katara...
toph bent a hole in the cell wall...her and katara jumped in..followed by the two women...she bent the cell wall back into place..leaving everyone in the dark...
"philoprogenitiveness...i cant see"..said one of the women...EDIT .."BTW..im paris...paris hilton"...
EDIT .."you shut up...im paris hilton!!"..said the other woman...
EDIT .."no..im paris hilton!!"..said the first paris...
"if you wanna get out of here then STFU"..said katara.."everybody hold hands"...
toph bent the tunnel until they reached a sewer line.. they followed it for what seemed like a safe distance from the jailhouse before climbing out of a manhole...
katara turned to the women parises (parii??)...
"we busted you out of there..so maybe you can help us find these ppl"..she said as she whipped out the list of names...
"these are like..film ppl"..said the woman paris...
"their in like..hollywood..burbank"..said the other woman paris...
"you mean were not in hollywood?"..said katara.."but we saw the sign"...
the two parii began laughing hysterically...
"you mean that sign"..said the first woman paris..pointing at the large "HOLLYWOOD" sign...well like..duh...this is los angeles"...
"these ppl are from nickelodeon studios"..said the other woman paris.."their in like..burbank"...
"burbank??"..said katara...
"yeah..so like watch out for the 3-headed monster"..giggled the first woman paris...
the women two parii flagged down a yellow vehicle that was apparently a rikshaw.. they jumped inside and that was the last katara was to see of them...
"so how do we get to burbank?"..said toph...
"we have to let aang know where we are first"..said katara..."it'll be sundown soon"...
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Post by Annapurna1 on Jun 9, 2007 2:14:22 GMT -5
meanwhile..the others had fallen asleep in their mountain hideout..when sokka was rudely awakened by a warmish feeling on his forehead...no sooner had he opened his eyes then a huge turd of bear poop landed on the bridge of his nose...
aang awoke upon hearing the scream...he pointed his staff down at the stream from the mouth of the cave and bent a water whip in sokkas' face...
"you once asked me"..said aang.."if a bear shits in the woods"...
"but this isnt the woods"..sokka groaned...
"so does that answer you question??"..said aang...
"sorry i asked"..said sokka..."hey..did katara come back yet?"...
"no...said aang..and he immediately mounted appa..."appa...yip-yip!!"....
appa ducked out of the cave and soared above the valley.. climbing quickly above the stink layer...
"philoprogenitiveness...this could be like finding a needle in a haystack"..aang muttered...
but he was quickly proven wrong at the sight of a stone pillar rising in the air to appas' altitude...appa flew towards the pillar..where surely enough..toph and katara were waiting on the top.. and a large crowd and more of those soldiers had gathered below...they jumped onto appas' back and aang bent the pillar back down...
"did i miss anything?"..said katara...
"bosco pooped on sokkas' head"..said aang..."did you find out any information?"...
"we have to go somplace called burbank"..said katara...
"and theres a 3-headed monster that lives there"..said toph...
aang laughed..."some kids pet"..he said...
"she called them "film ppl""..said katara...
"film?!?"..said aang...
"dont ask me what it means"..said katara...
they flew back to the cave and collected the others...aang had no idea where burbank was.. but he figured that he might be able to find the town by following the green signs on the large paired roadways...they flew above a particularly large road that seemed to cut across the city from north to south..until finally aang saw a sign that said "210 burbank" with an arrow pointing to a right fork off the main road..which led to another large roadway...and soon a series of building resembling the earlier palace complex came into view..although there was still no sign of a 3-headed monster...
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Post by Annapurna1 on Jun 15, 2007 23:06:54 GMT -5
"funny"..said aang.."you'd think this place'd be crawling with firebenders..but theres only a skeleton crew"...
"no 3-headed monster either"..said sokka...
katara breathed a sigh of relief...
"if they really do have a 3-headed monster..then maybe they dont need any"..said toph...
"there"..said aang..pointing at a large structure with many windows...
appa landed quietly outside of what appeared to be the front door..which wasnt really a door but rather four pieces of glass that spun around on a turret...aang and the others were prepared to be ambushed by firebenders once inside.. but there was only a skinny blonde doing her nails behind a desk...behind her..to the right..was a locked glass door that led into a long corridor...
"can i help you?"..said the girl...
"were looking for these ppl"..katara said as she shoved the list in her face...
"do you have an appointment?"..the girl said lamely...
"you dont understand"..said aang.."im the avatar"...
"yeah right"..said the girl.."and im oprah winfrey...and if you dont have an appointment then"...
the rather boring conversation was suddenly interrupted by the sound of glass shattering as sokka threw his booberang at the locked door...aang blew the deflection bimboid over and they raced through the door...meanwhile..bosco pooped on the rug in the lobby...
the corridor was lined with doors..each with a name plate..but none of the names matched any on the list...in the middle of the corridor was a pair of large gold-coloured doors.. between them was a sign containing a list of names sorted by floors...the name they were looking for..a guy named joseph schmoh..was on the top floor...
the stairway was at the end of the corridor...at the top was a large mahogany double-door bearing a gold nameplate "JOSEPH SCHMOH"...
"whoever this guy is"..said aang.."its not the firelord"...
"the paris said we were looking for "film ppl"..said katara...
"film??"...said aang.."but why would they be hiding in the fire nation?"...
"theres only one way to find out"..said sokka...
suddenly the door flew open..revealing what else but a large office...but most of the room was occupied by a huge..brownish-coloured 3-headed serpent that lay curled up innoccously in the northeast corner...the air was heavy with cigar smoke.. and aang tried to bend a pocket of pure air...
"philoprogenitiveness!...i cant airbend"..said aang...
"thats right"..said one of two men sitting behind a large desk.."and ill tell you why in just a minute...but we've been expecting you for some time now..avatar aang...allow me to introduce myself...my name is joe schmoh.. and this is my partner..stephen schmieve"...
"are you film ppl?"..said katara...
"yeah..you might say that"..said steve..."in fact..were your executive producers"...
"excu-WTF??"...said sokka...
"executive producers...of your show"...said joe...
"show??"...said aang...
"your show...you know ..avatar..the last airbender"..said steve...
"WTF are you talking about?"..said aang...
"you guys dont get it..do ya"..said joe..."you see..you guys are in a made-up story"...
"made up by us"..said steve...
"and thats why your bending powers dont work here"..said joe..."we cant let you use them in the studio offices cos it'll make a mess"...
"you mean were not real??"..said aang..."dont be rediculous"...
"yes and no"..said steve.."theres apparently an optical abberation in the imaging process that occasionally creates a rift between the characters' world and our world"...
"yep"..said joe.."jennys' downstairs havin' a chat with jimmy neutron even as we speak"..said joe...
"you mean were not in the fire nation?"..said katara...
"of course not"..said steve.."your in nicktoons studios in burbank..california"...
suddenly the king butted in .."so..are you too telling me that you decide everything that happens in the..i mean in our..world?"...
"thats right"..said joe...
"then i demand that you release my kingdom from the fire nation at once"..said the king...
:ROTFLMAOTIPIMP:..said steve and joe together...
"sorry..kingywingy..but it aint gonna happen"..said steve...
"but...why?"..said aang...
"you see..the shows been cancelled"..said joe...
"we had to quit while we were still ahead"..said steve...
"yeah..after that idiot writer gave us a script where you waterski-jumped over a hamsterhead shark"..said joe...
aang and the others sunk their heads...
"the comets' coming this summer..and we wont be there to stop the firelord from getting it"..moped aang...
"and we'll miss the eclipse too"..said sokka...
"and you wont even get to waterski jump a hamsterhead shark"..said toph...
"and...what about gertrude?"..said katara...
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Post by Annapurna1 on Jun 22, 2007 23:59:40 GMT -5
aang and the others walked mizzerbly out the door and left the building..where appa was parked outside...
"yip yip!!"...said aang..
appa took off...
"now wait just a chickenpicken minute"..said sokka as appa circled around the studio offices..."if our shows' been canceled..then how come were still here?"...
"holy philoprogenitiveness"..said aang.."they havent announced the cancellation yet"...
"i doubt we can change their minds"..said katara.."but there is one thing we can do...now listen closely..."...
aang flew appa out of the studio and around the city..where they went around scooping up all the dogpoop and putting it into little bags...they scooped up all the poop appa could carry and flew back to the studio..where they landed briefly enough for toph to bend a small earthquake to get everyone out in the open...and then they immediately took off again and unloaded the poop...
and then they saw joe and steve outside the studio offices...
"appa...poop-poop!!"..said aang...
THE END...
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