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Jokes
Jun 8, 2008 7:52:37 GMT -5
Post by Victim ~*of *~Circumstances on Jun 8, 2008 7:52:37 GMT -5
Ok, so with all the negative energy goin' on like "OMG FINALE HATE" I wanted to make a joke thread. If this has been made before you may go ahead and L & T. But if it hasn't then...awesome.
So, the idea is to post jokes you think are funny and just to have a good laugh. Keeping with the rules of this bored I guess it's going to have to be PG-13 at the most.
Without further ado here's the joke that never ceases to make me chuckle no matter how many times I hear it.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
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Jokes
Jun 9, 2008 11:43:54 GMT -5
Post by Royal Roulette, King Samedi on Jun 9, 2008 11:43:54 GMT -5
I got a joke, but I can't say everything it's horrible, so I'll cut out whats not appropriate for this forum or society in general.
So a family walks into a talent agency...*BEEP*...So the talent agent says, "Thats quite an act you got there. What do you call it?. The whole family smiles and says "The Aristocrats!".
If you don't get it, you should breath a sigh of relief.
Okay seriously, I got a joke.
There's three men on a island. They've been there for years, they're desperate. One stubbles on a magic lamb and genie pops out, and gives them all one wish.
The first man says, "I wish I was back with me wife and kids." The genie grants his wish and sends him home. The second man says, "I aven't had a drink in so long, I wish I was back at me pub." The genie grants his wish and spends him home. The third man says "I'm lonely... I wish the other two blokes were back here." The genie grants his wish and brings the other two back, the poofs away for good.
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Jokes
Jun 9, 2008 11:51:18 GMT -5
Post by admirality on Jun 9, 2008 11:51:18 GMT -5
heheehheh
Here's one
the westham supporter the liverpool supporter and the arsenal supporter were all stranded in the desert... they saw a camel and decided to eat it... The westham supporter said "I support westham so I'll eat the hams".... The liverpool supporter said "I support liverpool so I'll eat the liver" and the arsenal supporter said "I'm not hungry"
No ?
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Jokes
Jun 9, 2008 12:42:10 GMT -5
Post by Victim ~*of *~Circumstances on Jun 9, 2008 12:42:10 GMT -5
ROFL!xD Those are good, I've got a variation on that one!
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar. The Englishman has a sword, the Scotsman has an axe, and the Irishman has a bomb. The Englishman throws his sword out the window and leaves. On his way home, he finds a little boy crying. "Oh, what is the matter, poor child?" "A sword flew out of the sky and it landed on my father..." the boy sobs. The Englishman walks home. The Scotsman throws his axe out the window and walks home. On his way home, he finds a little girl crying "Dear lass, what's the matter?" he asks. "An axe fell out of the sky and it landed on my brother..." The Scotsman walks home. The Irishman throws his bomb out the window and leaves. On his way home, he finds a little boy laughing hysterically. "What's so funny, lad?" he asks.
"I farted and my house blew up."
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Mike
Avatar Roku
Love is the beauty of the soul.
Posts: 1,269
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Jokes
Jun 9, 2008 13:07:07 GMT -5
Post by Mike on Jun 9, 2008 13:07:07 GMT -5
Can we use baby jokes?
what's the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off to get on a trampoline.
Oh god that's so terrible, but I never get tired of that one.^^
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Jokes
Jun 9, 2008 17:14:51 GMT -5
Post by historyman12 on Jun 9, 2008 17:14:51 GMT -5
An Irishman is given a million dollars. He hires a construction company and orders them to build two pubs. "Two?" the contractor asked "Why?" "Why, because one is the one I love, and the other is the one I'll never step foot in!"
XD
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Khil01
Long Feng
Kataangian Hunter
Airbending kataang commander.
Posts: 3,212
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Jokes
Jun 9, 2008 19:43:14 GMT -5
Post by Khil01 on Jun 9, 2008 19:43:14 GMT -5
Okay I got one.
There is 3 men walking around, and one day they walk to a cliff and find a sign saying "Run and jump off the cliff, whatever you yell in mid air, you will land in." so the first guy runs up and yells "5 million dollars!", and he lands in 5 million dollars. then the runs and jumps off the cliff and yells "Gold!" and he lands in a pile of gold. then the third guy runs up and right before he jumps he trips, and yells "Crap!" and he lands in a pile of crap.
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2008 0:05:25 GMT -5
Post by Victim ~*of *~Circumstances on Jun 10, 2008 0:05:25 GMT -5
^ROFL! Classic. So, just cause I'll add the first pun!
It seems that Mary Poppins has moved to California. She has started a business telling people's fortunes. But, she doesn't read palms or tea leaves, she smells one's breath. That, right, the sign outside reads: Super California Mystic Expert Halitosis.
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truwaterbender
Avatar Kuruk
What? I'm supposed to put something witty here?
Posts: 1,443
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2008 15:40:17 GMT -5
Post by truwaterbender on Jun 10, 2008 15:40:17 GMT -5
Jokes huh? time to rip off my friends! How do you fit an elephant into a Safeway bag? You take the s out of safe and the f out of way? ((You can figure that one out yourselves)) How do you fit an elepahnt into a refridgerator? You take out the shelve and stuff him in. How do you fit and elephant into a refridgeratior? You take the giraffee out and put the elephant in. So the Lion King was having a party for all the animals to come to, but one animal wasn't there, which one? The elephant because he was in the fridge So a guy is looking for a place to stay the night. He sees a house where everything in pink. Pink lawn, pink window, painted pink, pink, pink, pink. So he knocks on the pink door and a lady answers. The lady is all pink. Pink hiar, eyes, shoes, skins, clothers, pink, pink, pink. the man asks if he can stay the night and the lady says yes. So he wlaks into the spare bedroom. Pink bed pink matress, pink curtains, pink, pink, pink. So he stay the night and when he wakes up he gets some cereal. He goes down to a kithen of, pink, and grabs a pink bowl, pink milk, and a pink spoon. He looks in the pantry and sees Cheerio's and Mini Wheats. He chooses Cheerio's.What is the moral of this story? Cheerio's are better than Mini Wheats.
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2008 15:51:21 GMT -5
Post by nymphadora on Jun 10, 2008 15:51:21 GMT -5
I don't get the first one tru. But everyone's jokes are good. I never remember any....
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truwaterbender
Avatar Kuruk
What? I'm supposed to put something witty here?
Posts: 1,443
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2008 15:57:16 GMT -5
Post by truwaterbender on Jun 10, 2008 15:57:16 GMT -5
There's no f in way. Now say that 3 times fast.
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2008 16:02:38 GMT -5
Post by nymphadora on Jun 10, 2008 16:02:38 GMT -5
Okay I get it! Thanks! So there's no effin' way you can fit an elephant into a Safeway bag?
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historyman12
Fugitive Iroh
IS IT JULY 14TH YET?
Posts: 4,822
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2008 16:04:52 GMT -5
Post by historyman12 on Jun 10, 2008 16:04:52 GMT -5
^Indeed.
A man was given three wishes by a genie. He had just divorced his wife. The genie said he could have whatever he wanted, but his wife got double. He said, I want a mansion in Florida. Zing. His wife got two. He said I want a million dollars. Zing. His wife got two. He said...I want half a fatal heart attack.
XD
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2008 16:52:29 GMT -5
Post by Dutchy on Jun 10, 2008 16:52:29 GMT -5
It's yellow and you can stand on top of it: A ....
chick (as in a chicken chick =P)
It's yellow and it gets red if you put it in a blender
also a chick xD
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Ardor
Fire Nation Soldier
Captain of the Blue Spirits
*drok* *punk* *highfive*
Posts: 5,243
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Jokes
Jun 10, 2008 17:12:33 GMT -5
Post by Ardor on Jun 10, 2008 17:12:33 GMT -5
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" This is brilliant. Absolutely... brilliant. XD
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