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Post by lunar-tsunami on Apr 11, 2008 13:14:19 GMT -5
Hi everyone, I was curious to what people thought about dating or marriage between an atheist and a theist. (someone who doesn't believe in God with someone who does)
You can argue as well about deists, who are people who believe in God but feel he does not interact with his creation (like the Age of Enlightenment theories we recall from history class)
It has some relevance to my own life. I am in a relationship with an atheist, however he is also one of the most moral people I've ever encountered. More moral than some so-called Christian guys I've known. I believe in God pretty strongly, and my church variety is Catholic, although I am probably a little looser on interpretations. I'm of the opinion that no religion is totally right, I just feel comfortable attending Catholic masses. I like to seek wisdom in all places...I figure I lack it so I need all I can get. Plus I also feel everyone has something useful and insightful to say.
I tend to be very quiet about my religious beliefs, so this has not really been an issue. Although I wonder if there might be some clashing in the future. I do have the strong hope that there is something beyond the simple every-day experience...but this isn't something easily expressed in the relationship. It's actually probably one of the only things I don't feel comfortable discussing, because we are best friends in all other ways. Part of me is okay with this, since I'm quiet about my faith and disposition and don't really talk about it with anyone very comfortably. Another part of me would like to ability to talk about it and not feel weird since he feels it is mostly bunk.
Anyway, any thoughts? Throw your ideas in the ring. I thought it might provide an interesting debate.
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Post by david on Apr 11, 2008 13:44:59 GMT -5
I have a bit of experience on this... I was once with someone who a fierce atheist. She didn't really like anything involving anything related with the idea of a God, or anything like it. And, well, me being a theist so to speak, we found ourselved having conversations about it.
Uh, my only advise would be to be as much tolerant as possible. Most atheists have a delicate past that is the root of their belief (or disbelief ?) and if you want to have a relationship with that person, it is best to leave that space untouched. It's not weary trying to talk to them about considering this, considering that... they most likely won't.
Enjoy the relationship, that would be mostly it. There's a reason why you feel atracted to that other person, and make the best out of it.
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Atmos
Casual Zuko
Tame the Flame
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Post by Atmos on Apr 11, 2008 19:58:40 GMT -5
I personally don't think it should be much of an issue (the differences between theistic and atheistic beliefs and religions) if the relationship has lasted for a decent amount of time.
It's just like a couple where each are of different political parties (a republican going out with a democrat) If both of each other can respect each other's views, there shouldn't be a problem. I mean if was considered a big deal for either individual, I'd think that it would be something brought up or noticed right away before the relationship could even start.
And don't get me wrong, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting to have a relationship with someone of the same belief either. We all have a our own personal set of qualities listed at different levels of priority that we look for in a potential soul mate.
IMO, in cases of couples with different beliefs such as religion or non-religion (which tend to be a heavier part of an individual's life) I up to people in such relations - it shows how much they love for each other despite such differences in belief.
Taking it up a notch, the tolerance between both individuals get really tested when it comes to deciding how they want to settle the approach of their beliefs to their children.
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Post by CountessRachel on Apr 12, 2008 1:23:12 GMT -5
I double what Atmos said. I date a very devout Catholic guy even though I'm a combo of Taoism/Deism/Agnostism. And we've discussed the fact that we share different beliefs, and yes, we've gotten into plenty of religous debates. But in the end, we know the number one thing most important is respect--in any aspect of the relationship, not just religious beliefs.
Now, the real thing that makes me wonder is, for other couples like us, the religous individual is at some point going to a) worry about their loved one's salvation and whether or not they'll be together forever in heaven and/or b)have to deal with their parents' (or religous peers') disdain for being with a non-follower (Which affects any two people who are blatantly different, period.)
As far as children go, we decided on one cross in the house and our kids would have the opportunity to choose their own faith. He said he'd really prefer if they were also Catholic but I told him I didn't hold such a preference and neither should he.
But. Seeing as how most married couples today get divorced over issues like infidelity and money troubles, I think different religions isn't the biggest problem we have to worry about...
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Post by psylum on Apr 12, 2008 2:17:41 GMT -5
I'm an Athiest dating the daughter of a Catholic family. My Girlfriend herself has a set of spiritual beliefs that she does not push on me or anyone else.
The two of us get along very well and love eachothers company, she finds me to be a very profound, thoughtfull, and funny person. I find her to be a very sweet, intellignet, Who makes me laugh.
It does occationally bother me that such a smart girl such as herself can't completely shake the last of the religious upbringing off, but I own personal philosophy is that religious faith(or lack thereof in my case.) is personal and can't be dictated to other people. She never uses religious faith as a an argument and she's a very reasoning person and I love her. <3<3<3
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Post by Gran Gran on Apr 12, 2008 11:36:52 GMT -5
I think it's more a matter of respecting personal boundaries.
my Husband and I have different political views, we have come to the understanding that we just don't discuss it. Religion might have a bit more far reaching consequences for home life, but even there you must respect the other person. Most Atheists I know are not flaming missionaries wanting to spread their non believes around the world. On the other hand I live in a Christian strong hold where church is everything and any deviation suspect. But I have also seen greater tolerance and moral fiber in the non believers than in the majority of the folks the call them selves Christians.
it's like all the other aspects in life: if the other person does not like it, you don't push it on them, being food, color, car, house or whatever. A relationship is compromise, and by the nature of it both parties have to give up a little.
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ilovetaang03
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Im a secret AGENT MAN. A SECRET AGENT MAN!!!! (though im a girl)
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Post by ilovetaang03 on Apr 12, 2008 15:41:33 GMT -5
a little while ago i went out with a theist. (he is catholic) and im an athiest. it did not matter although were broken up.
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Post by valkari on Jan 7, 2009 17:32:32 GMT -5
I'd say it depends on what you want out of the relationship. If you want lasting commitment, you need something firm underneath it, so it depends on how important religion is to you both. For a relationship to work, yes; tolerance is a must-have. But there comes a point when you need to hold on to those things dearest and closest to your soul rather than sacrificing them for the relationship. If you both share the things that are most important, be it religion or something else, than you've got a good foundation for a deep relationship. I'm a Christian, and I truly hate what that name seems to convey in this day and age, and I realize that you don't have to be a believer to be a good moral person, and (with depression) I recognize that calling one's self a Christian does not gurantee moral behavior. I believe that everything the Bible says is true, and divine truth at that, even though there are many hard passages that I have trouble accepting. I honestly try to live every day of my life doing what God wants; i.e., being kind to (and tolerant of ) others, treating even the people who drive me crazy with respect, and praising God in the good times and the bad. Sadly but inevitably there are many days where I fail, but thanks to Jesus' sacrifice, I can keep trying. My faith is the most important thing in the world to me, and I live my whole life by it. I apologize if this bothers you; I'm not trying to preach or tell you to do what I do, I'm just giving a little background for what I think. I would not think of marrying a non-Christian, even a decent, moral man of whom I was very fond, simply because we would not be compatiabe. The reason for that being this: he would be unable to relate to the most integral part of my being, even if I could relate to what was most important to him. I have many good friends who are atheist, but my closest friends are also true Christians, not the modern kind, and they are closest to my heart because of that deep connection we share; of caring about the same thing. So I guess what I'm ultimately trying to say is that what ever is really important to you, whatever that may be, is what it takes to build a profoundly true relationship off of.
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Post by mike1921 on Jan 7, 2009 21:08:50 GMT -5
How is it sacrificing something to allow your girl/boy friend to be different?? I disagree. you don't have to share the things that are most important. You have to be accepting. Obviously you have to share certain ethics, but no you don't have to share everything really important. Most people love their parents and think they're some of the most important people in their life, yet a lot of them seem to hate their in-laws. it seems to me like the most integral part of your being is being a good person.
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Post by concreteangel on Jan 7, 2009 23:01:50 GMT -5
I'm a Christian, pretty "religious" as people call it, but I also believe that Christianity is a relationship, not a religion.
The Bible teaches that a Christian should not be "yoked together" with a nonbeliever, whether in a dating relationship or a marriage.
I tend to agree because I've seen how my own parents' marriage has become. My mother is a teacher at my Christian school. She's not a hardcore rock of a believer or anything, but you can see its influence in her life, and my dad is one of those hypocritical Christians. Their marriage has been on the rocks since I can remember. My best friend's parents are in a similiar situation, but they're actually divorced.
The guys I choose to date are Christians. At least then we share the same core belief system that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and died for the sins of makind on the cross. I have only once even found myself attracted to a guy who didn't believe even that.
I'm working hard to see that God comes first in my life, followed by everything and everyone else. I want to marry a guy someday who puts me second, behind only his faith in Christ. I believe that the best foundation for a relationship is a trust and faith in God.
But, then again, I choose to live my life one way. It's not my place to tell anyone how to live theirs, these are merely my opinions and my personal belief system.
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Post by valkari on Jan 12, 2009 16:50:02 GMT -5
How is it sacrificing something to allow your girl/boy friend to be different?? If I may be permitted to clarify, I meant that one should be tolerant in any relationship, but if you want something deeper, you shouldn't give up what you believe just to be with the person you want. But perhaps that was an irrelevant remark. Being a follower of God happens to include being a good person. It saddens me greatly when this doesn't connect in peoples minds. And what is really sad is that there are those who call themselves Christians who only serve to justify the confusion.
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Post by bagpipe turtle on Jan 12, 2009 23:16:53 GMT -5
One of my best friends is a devout Catholic dating an athiest, and they are doing very well. From what I've seen, the people who can survive theist/atheist relationships are the ones whom do not try to force their beliefs on other people rather than accepting that people believe different things. If a couple can respect each others' differences, that part of the relationship (at least) should work out fine. I, personally, feel just fine about dating religious people. There are good and bad guys in every religious group. How I feel about someone is less about religion and more about how they act and what they say, et cetera.
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Post by Gran Gran on Jan 14, 2009 15:10:29 GMT -5
Sweetcheeks, no trolling or spamming!
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Post by username on Jan 17, 2009 23:41:44 GMT -5
I deleted my post, so now you look like crazy person Grangran. : D I tend to agree because I've seen how my own parents' marriage has become. My mother is a teacher at my Christian school. She's not a hardcore rock of a believer or anything, but you can see its influence in her life, and my dad is one of those hypocritical Christians. Their marriage has been on the rocks since I can remember. My best friend's parents are in a similiar situation, but they're actually divorced. That's not the result of a difference in religion, if it were that would be incredibly petty. That's simply a difference in one's way of thinking and acting. Many religions follow a similar basic moral code, a set of beliefs and respect for general "goodness" that is present for the most part even amongst atheists and agnostics. I'd guess that it's this morality often associated with religion that makes up the difference between your parents, not the religion itself.
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Post by Gran Gran on Jan 18, 2009 1:21:27 GMT -5
awe, wasn't that smart of you.
besides, I AM a crazy person, no secret here!
However, a difference is a difference. Come to the South for a spell and see the emphasis religion has is some people's lives! Even denominations are important, not just whether or not one believes or chooses not to.
The deal is - regardless - to be communicating with each other in a relationship. I said it before, it's a compromise, all the time.If neither side is willing to give, it's not going to work.
So if both parties are tollerant, it can work, if not, it's gonna be ugly.
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