Lei Kizi *War of Four*

[Korra]

Character's Name-Lei Kizi

Name:Lei Kizi
Age:16
Gender: Male
Nation: Fire Nation
Bender or Non-Bender: Fire Bender
Weapons: Bending.....
Personality: Lei is very sarcastic and likes to fight when it's needed. He is normally a quiet person and doesn't like to be disturbed when concentrating. He is also quite cheerful most of the times and is very bright. Most people recommend him to be an Advisor of the the Fire Nation Royal Family with his intelligence, but with intelligence there comes wisdom. Lei is very wise for he has read thousands of books unimaginable. Lei loves to learn, even when he is being disiplined to learn....Don't underestimate him though, he is quite cunning and knows how to take enemies down with one fellow swoop...His first weakness is love because if someone that he is in love with is hurt or injured in anyway, he will put the guilt on him...Death is his second weakness because when someone dies, he has the burden of suicide and it brings back the terrible memories of his parents funerals...Lastly, emotion pain is his weakness because when he sees that himself or someone else is crying or angry, he shows that emotion also....Now, when people know his weaknesses, they take advantage of it and destroy him mentally....

Physical Appearance: Lei is 6'3 and has black ruffled hair. He is somewhat muscular and has a scar on his neck...Lei had gotten that scar from his cousin when they were fooling around and Lei couldn't react fast enough from an arrow and then that's when he spilled blood.....He wears red and gold robes with a hood that could conceal his identiy when sneaking into the Royal Library.He also wears black slippers/shoes. He always will have a smile on his face no-matter what....His eye color is gold and his face sort of looks angular with tan skin.....

History: Lei was born in the Fire Nation Capital and from then on was known as a Powerful Fire Bender for his amazing Fire Bending Skills and his wisdom and intelligence...Though part of his life was put in misery after his parents were killed in the war and not in the war but back home in the FN when he was 13...His father was an Admiral and his ship was ambushed by the Earth Kingdom at Ba Sing Se and they brutally killed his father...His mother was raped and murdered when she was leaving her job as a Secretary of War for the Fire Lord...Lei's mother was raped and killed because people knew that if his parents were not able to protect him, they were able to take and kill Lei and steal the family fortune.His parents had enemies because they never shared their money with anyone and most people hated their brute personality and by stealing the family fortune, they would teach Lei's family a lesson........ Lei wanted revenge, but he knew that the only way to keep peace within him was to eradicate these killers, Lei though never accommplished this goal yet.......Lei loved his parents so much and his family was so well honored from his father's victories in the Earth Kingdom that now, he was the last one of his family left with no sister or anything, he still had honor, but all that was left was just a mansion and a library were left of the Kizi family..And Lei..Once Lei's parents were dead, he vowed to study and practice for the sake of his parents...He opinion on the War changed, he wanted the war to stop and he wanted the war to go on to avenge his father...Now this was his chance, he was still honored at 16 right?? Now was his chance to make a difference.........

[Ilise]

Hm. Well. Not that I'm a mod, but seriously, could you put spaces in between the thingies? Also, what are his weaknesses? He doesn't seem to have any... He's a "prodigy" bender, amazingly knowledgable, cunning, powerful, and he's only sixteen... erm, well, he seems kinda flawless. Even the canon characters in Avatar have flaws. Also, how did the Water Tribe get into Ba Sing Se to murder people? Aren't they kinda peaceful?!
Not to rant- I just think there are several problems.

[Korra]

First of all they killed a FN general....

[Zukosfire5]

Like ArrowedAvatar said, Lei seems to have no faults at all.

Personality:
1. What makes him angry? He seems like a person who never gets angry at all, and there is no one on earth who is like that. Now, he may not show it outwardly, but he still has to get angry sometimes.
2. People recommend him to be a general? At sixteen? I'm sorry, but no. In my opinion, generals are at least in their late thirties.
3. Same with the "wise because he has read thousands of books."
4. He doesn't seem to have any character flaws. You need to add some. For instance, maybe he's too impulsive, or maybe he is too kind to everyone and gets taken advantage of.

Apearance:
1. Please be more descriptive on this. I really have no visual image of what he looks like. What color are his eyes? What shape is his face?
2. Where did he get his scar? Is it a burn scar or a knife/sword scar?
3. Please add more red to his outfit. Fire Nation outfits are primarily red with gold and/or black as accent colors.

History:
1. You need to be much more descriptive. What was his early life like?
2. When did he realize his Firebending abilities. Also, please note that bending prodigies are not accepted 9 times out of 10. You need an exxtremely good backstory to explain it.
3. Like AA said, why was his father brutally murdered by the Waterbenders? Waterbenders are very peaceful, and I doubt that they would be the type to brutally murder people.
4. What was his mother secretary of? And why would she be raped and killed?
5. He wanted revenge, but knew he had to forgive his parents murderers? Isn't he only thirteen? If anything, he would train as hard as possible to avenge them, which could be a good backstory for his excellent Firebending.
6. Why was his family honored now?
7. You said in his personality that he sneaks into the royal library. Why? Doesn't he have his own? That's what you said.
8. He wanted the war to stop, but wanted the war to go on for world peace? Please fix that, since it is obviously contradicting itself.
9. He was honored at 16? For what?
10. Even though his is sixteen, I doubt he could make much of a difference at all, considering he's still so young.

[Korra]

OMG!!! I don't see why I do this.....It seems as though this asks for too much....Just delete this thread I give up.....

[Zukosfire5]

No, don't give up! I'm just trying to help you develop your character. I promise you, I'm not trying to be mean. I just helping you to make a realistic character. Don't give up!

[Korra]

ok well i won't give up...ill keep trying....

[Zukosfire5]

Okay, just a few more fine-tuning for your profile.

Personality:
1. Your personality seems sort of choppy. Do you think you could make them flow together better?
2. Also, the part in your history about his weaknesses would probably be more appropriate in the Personality section.

Appearance:
1. When I meant describe his face, I didn't mean to say "His face looks like Harry Potter's face, but without the scar." Here's a piece of advice I give to a lot of people when they are struggling with describing appearances: Pretend you are describing your person to someone who has been blind their entire life. Trust me, it helps you to go into detail.

History:
1. I'm still kinda iffy on the prodigy Firebender. You can say that he trained exceptionally hard after his parents died, but try to avoid the word prodigy.
2. Why did his parents have enemies who wanted his fortune?
3. Also, I kinda don't like that the Waterbenders brutally killed his father. Since Waterbenders are peaceful by nature, this would be somewhat contradicting. However, perhaps it could be overzealous Earthbenders? That would work much better.


Okay, sorry I didn't post this earlier. I've been kinda busy ^^;;

Also, just to make it easier to read, could you please bold the changes that you make? Just so I can pick it out better.

[Korra]

OK.....I fixed it a bit and I took your advice ZukosFire...Thnxs....