Time Bandit
Meng
There is no war within the walls!
Posts: 291
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Post by Time Bandit on Nov 4, 2006 13:46:52 GMT -5
This is my first Zutara fic so sorry if its not that good. It's an early cristmas fic i had the idea and was afraid i might forget it so here it is.
It was cristmas! The whole of ba sing sa was a buzz of dilight. "I can't wait for cristmas" Toph said Katara and Sokka noded in agreement "what is cristmas?" Aang said he wouldn't know being 112. "well-" Katara started but was interupted by Toph "You get presants and you get to play in the snow!, it's great" Toph said "Well that cuts down my explination." Katara said. "I love presants!" Aang shouted "you and me both!" Sokka said "I second that motion." Toph said "what about you Katara" "I like the presants but i like the snow just as much." She replyed "I had enough snow in the south pole." Sokka said "I can't wait" Sokka continued. "so, tell me more about cristmas." Aang said "Well its about giving back what other people have done for you, so you being the avatar should get quite a lot Aang." Katara said Toph and Sokka were pretending to snore at Katara's long explination. Katara frowned and wished her brother and Toph would be more mature.
Hope u liked it part 2 comin soon i would have continued but i'm havin a party for fireworks night and someone has just arived (this is an early cristmas story)
Part 2
"Guys at least i know what cristmas really means." Katara said getting frustrated. "It's about the presants!" Toph said "What do you think twinkle toes" Toph continued "Well I like the presants but the giving back what other people have given you over the years is more important." Aang said Toph and Sokka shook their heads in disaggrement but Aang ignored them. The four ran Toward their cabin they had rented for the holidays to decorate. "Were are we gonna get a cristmas tree around here!" Sokka complained. "No worry's" Toph said and used an earth bending move to cut down a near by tree Sokka hadn't noticed. "lets decorate!" Aang shouted And they all got to work. Toph decorated the tree while katara and Aang hanged up the decorations. Sokka just sat and watched them work. "Get off your lazy butt and help boomerang boy!" Toph shouted at Sokka. "I'm not really the working type." Sokka said. "Ok then Sokka you sit around and don't worry about a thing, because when cristmas comes tommorow you can forget about presants." Katara said. Sokka jumped up and started to help around. "nice one Sugar queen" Toph said " one don't call me that and two after all the cristmas's we've spent together a know how to work him." She said "Whatever Sugar queen." Toph teased Katara started to get frustrated and opened her mouth to talk but closed it becuase she had nothing to say and turned around and continued working with the decorations.
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Time Bandit
Meng
There is no war within the walls!
Posts: 291
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Post by Time Bandit on Nov 4, 2006 13:51:27 GMT -5
ps my time is wrong it was actuly 6.51 pm when i posted it
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d00gie117
penguin
I need help. Reality is biting back again!
Posts: 6
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Post by d00gie117 on Nov 4, 2006 18:59:40 GMT -5
good job for first timer!
i've written before, but i'm not sure if i want to start a whole different fanfic here or not.
maybe. they really like my story at NICK.
in time.
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Orangey
Painted Katara
Posts: 5,587
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Post by Orangey on Nov 4, 2006 19:05:17 GMT -5
Thanks for wasting one minute of my life. -.-
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Time Bandit
Meng
There is no war within the walls!
Posts: 291
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Post by Time Bandit on Nov 6, 2006 12:16:23 GMT -5
Oh very nice orangey It was my first one!!!!!!!!
Thanks doogie117 i'm making a part 3 soon
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Time Bandit
Meng
There is no war within the walls!
Posts: 291
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Post by Time Bandit on Nov 6, 2006 12:39:48 GMT -5
i forgot to mention it wasn't finshed soz He he
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HawkWind
Iroh
Not bein' funny but...
Posts: 198
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Post by HawkWind on Nov 7, 2006 16:27:52 GMT -5
OK for a first fic.
My advice for you; read some good fan-fiction by authors like wildernesswriter, RedNovember and Rashaka on ff.net and check out how they write. The vary dialogue with excellent descriptions and they each have their own unique style. This is what your writing lacks most now: style. Try refining your skills so you develop style that is your own. That's the mark of a good writer.
Second, try to keep a dictionary and a thesaurus by you when you write (that's what I do) so you can check words you don't know how to spell and you can use synonyms for words you use repetitively (ie. said) Also, you need to work on your grammar a bit; try staying in one tense as you write, other wise it makes your story very sloppy to read.
Finally, try peer editing before you post. Ask a close friend to read your work, and have them tell you what they liked and what they think needs work. That way, when you post something, most people will enjoy reading it.
So, if you can work on all that, I'm sure you'll be a great writer, since it seems that your idea has some potential. Good luck, and don't get discouraged! -Hawkwind (aka cookiesandmilk)
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Time Bandit
Meng
There is no war within the walls!
Posts: 291
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Post by Time Bandit on Nov 8, 2006 4:22:49 GMT -5
Thanks that'll help me when i'm writing part 3 (I'm not that good with grammer lol) Thanks you've given me some ideas like the dictionary and thesaurus i try that aswell (My spelling is not that good ether lol) i'm gonna try to make the bunny thing aswell lol (\_/) ( 0.o ) ( >< ) hope i did the bunny right.
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Time Bandit
Meng
There is no war within the walls!
Posts: 291
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Post by Time Bandit on Nov 8, 2006 5:27:26 GMT -5
Part 3 oh yea i'm changing it to a kind of the grinch thing. Still Zutara though
(\_/) (\_/) (o.o) (o.o) (><) (><) baby bunny Twins (There so cute)
It was late and cristmas was just around the corner. The next night, the four freinds would all be fast asleep early. "I still can't wait, Why can't it be cristmas now!" Sokka moaned. "Oh stop wihining, you've been babling on about it all day, we're all sick of it!" Katara shouted (loudly) Every one nodded in agreement. "Fine" Sokka exclaimed and walked over to his bed, collasped onto it and fell asleep within a mater of minutes. "I'm bored, don't we have any thing to do around here." Toph sighed. " We have lots to do." Katara said quikly " Like what it's late at night and all we have to do in the town at night is wacth paint dry." She paused for a moment " I can't even do that." she Shouted, Waving a hand in front of her face. " And it took you that long to figure it out" Aang said gigling. "No" Toph exclaimed folding her arms and turning around. "So, What are you going to buy for Sokka" Aang wispered, all though he didn't have to knowing what a heavy sleeper Sokka was. "I'm not sure at the moment, I'm sure i'll find something when we go shopping tomorrow." Katara said thinking. "I'm getting him a new Boomerang carrier." Aang said without much thought. "I'm getting him dual hook swords, like the ones Jet had" Toph said excitedly "I'm getting some sleep" katara yawned, she got into her bed and fell asleep faster than Sokka, leaving Toph and Aang alone. They started to talk about snow. They soon fell asleep in the middle of the conversation.
Part 4 comeing soom i wasn't bothered to type any more my fingers hurt.
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d00gie117
penguin
I need help. Reality is biting back again!
Posts: 6
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Post by d00gie117 on Nov 9, 2006 18:20:30 GMT -5
cool! funny! dual hook swords!
out of those, yea i'd get sleep!
thanks for more entertainment.
<i>A Quote From Me:
"My life is a Drama Film. . . .minus the Drama."
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Time Bandit
Meng
There is no war within the walls!
Posts: 291
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Post by Time Bandit on Nov 10, 2006 17:39:46 GMT -5
Sorry i havn't had time to type part 3 coz of HOMEWORK nobody likes homework so why do we get it! soz
Part 3
The four had a long sleep and were fully rested when they awoke. The light flooded the room with a light orange glow. "I'm going shopping for cristmas presants." Katara yawned while grabbing her bag "I'm hungry" Sokka exclaimed. "Katara can i come with you?" Toph said, she didn't wait for an awnser but grabbed her money and walked out with her. "Ok Aang, lets play a game" Sokka said "Ok what game." Aang said exitedly "Uumm, ok lets play truth or dare" "Isn't that a girl's game" Aang said (Sorry to any girls about that sexist sentance) "What ever ether way its fun, ok, Truth or dare" Sokka exclaimed "Uhh, Dare" said Aang getting bored already. "ok i dare you to sneak away and see what cristmas presants Katara and Toph are buying." Sokka said. "NO that would ruin the suprize, and this is my first cristmas in 100 years!" Aang almost shouted but keeped calm. "I'll give you money." Sokka said slyly "No" "Please" "no!" 5 minutes later "No" "Please" 30minutes later "NOO" "please" So much later that the old nerator got bored and they had to hire a new one. "Noo the awnser will be no for as long as you are willing to keep asking!" Aang shouted, making Sokka fly across the room.
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Post by godhunter on Nov 10, 2006 22:42:34 GMT -5
ok, first off, stop double posting, unless you are posting a next section, and then you should modify the last post unless its been a few days.
from me to you, the one thing that made it hard for me to read was the massive amounts of simple sentences. It makes very choppy. Also your writting is very informal, I don't know if that is what you meant to do, or if it was coincidence, but it kind of takes away from a fic in my opinion.
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Time Bandit
Meng
There is no war within the walls!
Posts: 291
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Post by Time Bandit on Nov 11, 2006 16:58:59 GMT -5
ok, i agree with u, my writing is quite bad and so is my spelling and grammer, but off the computer my vocab is preety good. but my fanfic are crap! most people comment like this (not being horrible of course!) They say stuff like i need to try and improve (once agian not saying i'm not greatful for ur advise i'm glad people are giving me good advise.) Any way thanks for the advise. I'm trying to try all different types of fanfics like Zutara and OC's etc.
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d00gie117
penguin
I need help. Reality is biting back again!
Posts: 6
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Post by d00gie117 on Nov 12, 2006 20:39:35 GMT -5
idk what to tell u. how many language classes have you taken? Because, in my school you start learning grammar as soon as you can say half a sentence. you say "Can I..." and they teach you your ABC's. In your case, I can always catch mostly grammar mistakes. you use periods when you should use ? or ! and try to use more descriptive words other than SAID and other commonly used words. when you write, the Dictionary and the Thesaurus are your friends, along with the computer! not all of the critisizim in the world can match the power of compliments. so, i have to say that your writing is fantastic for a beginner. once you've realized a few things, then you'll become even more eperienced. and experience is all you need.
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HawkWind
Iroh
Not bein' funny but...
Posts: 198
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Post by HawkWind on Nov 12, 2006 22:04:08 GMT -5
Completely agree with you d00gie117. Like I said before water warrior, you need to keep a dictionary by you when you write. Though I do think that your writing can definitely become great, you need to work out your grammar and spelling because without it, it's hard to read. Also spell check everything, so things that you don't check with the dictionary are just checked by the computer. Other than that, you're doing fine.
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