Ilise
Buzzard Wasp
w00t, it's Jun
Posts: 503
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She
Feb 25, 2007 17:22:54 GMT -5
Post by Ilise on Feb 25, 2007 17:22:54 GMT -5
^Thanks, I just read a poem that interrupted its kinda rhythm to draw attention to certain bits- I wanted to try!
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She
Feb 27, 2007 10:17:13 GMT -5
Post by firebender87 on Feb 27, 2007 10:17:13 GMT -5
FANTASTIC FAN-FIC!!! I sit on the sideline and play with small emeralds while she sits on a throne and plays with the world... I enjoyed the ending. It shows their animosity for each other.
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ZuJin'd
Toph
Jinfan icon ^^
Posts: 154
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She
Feb 27, 2007 10:47:32 GMT -5
Post by ZuJin'd on Feb 27, 2007 10:47:32 GMT -5
lovely fanfic there.
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Ilise
Buzzard Wasp
w00t, it's Jun
Posts: 503
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She
Feb 27, 2007 15:54:28 GMT -5
Post by Ilise on Feb 27, 2007 15:54:28 GMT -5
Many thanks! I would do something from Azula's point of view, but I'm not sure I really have her motivations and personality and stuff down. What do you think?
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SelfPossessed
Momo
I wanted to be a procrastinator. Never got to it.
Posts: 37
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She
Mar 5, 2007 21:55:43 GMT -5
Post by SelfPossessed on Mar 5, 2007 21:55:43 GMT -5
It's very well written. A couple of things came to mind while reading. 1) On the line "is everything that a fire lord should be- though a she." I would have preferred if you left out the "though a she." It brings attention to the Fire Lord/Lady dispute rather than how superior Azula is to Zuko. 2) I found it rather interesting that you portray Zuko feeling never loved or appreciated. Whereas I guess I can see an emo moment causing such feelings, Zuko undoubtedly felt loved by Iroh and Ursa. He definitely acknowledges his uncle after Iroh confesses that he saw Zuko has his own son. "I know." During the flashbacks in Zuko Alone, Zuko is shown to enjoy the love and care his mother gave him and remembered her advice clearly. And heck, even if Zuko didn't notice it, Mai certainly appreciated him. 3) I'm curious as to why you used emeralds. I do understand the green with envy thing, but green and Zuko just don't match. 4) I would have loved to see something about their age gap difference. Zuko IS firstborn and yet he was forsaken. Azula is the younger of the two and yet she was favored by Ozai. I have no talent for poetry so there's nothing I can really nitpick about. You can ignore what I said as I have no authority or say when it comes to poetry. Still, great job writing!
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Ilise
Buzzard Wasp
w00t, it's Jun
Posts: 503
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She
Mar 6, 2007 17:51:44 GMT -5
Post by Ilise on Mar 6, 2007 17:51:44 GMT -5
Wow- this is a big review! I like the reviews big, it means there's a lot of tips. 1) On the line "is everything that a fire lord should be- though a she." I would have preferred if you left out the "though a she." It brings attention to the Fire Lord/Lady dispute rather than how superior Azula is to Zuko. Haha, yeah, I had some issues with that too- except every line had to end with 'I' or 'she'... that was part of my contrast. 2) I found it rather interesting that you portray Zuko feeling never loved or appreciated. Whereas I guess I can see an emo moment causing such feelings, Zuko undoubtedly felt loved by Iroh and Ursa. He definitely acknowledges his uncle after Iroh confesses that he saw Zuko has his own son. "I know." During the flashbacks in Zuko Alone, Zuko is shown to enjoy the love and care his mother gave him and remembered her advice clearly. And heck, even if Zuko didn't notice it, Mai certainly appreciated him. Yep, but his betrayal in the Season Finale proved that he definitely valued his father's honor and love above Iroh's, sadly... All of the above is true, but this is simply my portrayal of his feelings. 3) I'm curious as to why you used emeralds. I do understand the green with envy thing, but green and Zuko just don't match. Omg, totally... it doesn't go with his complexion. [/lameness] It's true, yeah, but I needed something green. And it being small emeralds represents his low status among royalty, compared to the giant rubies Zulie has. 4) I would have loved to see something about their age gap difference. Zuko IS firstborn and yet he was forsaken. Azula is the younger of the two and yet she was favored by Ozai. That is so true. You are so right. *hits self* I shoulda said something about that! o.o/// I have no talent for poetry so there's nothing I can really nitpick about. You can ignore what I said as I have no authority or say when it comes to poetry. Still, great job writing! Haha, if you noticed it, it means it's there, so I'll take it into consideration! Thanks for teh_review!
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She
Mar 6, 2007 18:53:34 GMT -5
Post by Fire Lord Azula on Mar 6, 2007 18:53:34 GMT -5
I would do something from Azula's point of view, but I'm not sure I really have her motivations and personality and stuff down. What do you think? I'm sorry for never answering you! I really think you should try it. As I said once before, you did a great job capturing Zuko's bitterness. I saw it as taking one personality-trait relative to the situation and emphasizing it throughout the prose. If I may respectfully interject?... I'm not sure where this "Firelord/Lady" debate comes from in the first place, as one title has complete basis in the series and the other is a fanon concoction. "she stands tall, unblemished and cruel and she is everything that a fire lord should be- though a she" is personally one of my favorite lines in the entire stanza. My two cents, although I'm not sure it's worth even that! I just wanted to add that I agree with Firebender87 on the ending, giving it another glance. A+ on the animosity-scale.
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Ilise
Buzzard Wasp
w00t, it's Jun
Posts: 503
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She
Mar 6, 2007 19:02:28 GMT -5
Post by Ilise on Mar 6, 2007 19:02:28 GMT -5
Haha, okay... I think I'll try an Azulafic within the next couple of days. I'll have to look 'er up on teh_Wiki! (love that place.)
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She
Mar 6, 2007 19:22:02 GMT -5
Post by Fire Lord Azula on Mar 6, 2007 19:22:02 GMT -5
Yeah, Wikipedia is a lifesaver. I'll keep an eye out for your 'fic and be sure to leave a review!
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