Familiar Problems. !!Chapter 1 added!!

[masterwb]

This story was/is being written by masterab and me.

It takes place generations(29 to be exact) before Avatar Aang.

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Prologue

3,850 years ago…Avatar Yao Shi, of the Southern Water Tribe, died at an old age of 115. A week afterwards, in the lower ring of the great Earth capital city of Ba Sing Se, two twins, Kiku and Kimi, were born.

When the news of Avatar Yao Shi’s death came to the Earth Kingdom, the Avatar monks repeated their sacred duty to search for the newly born Avatar. A few days into their search, they reached a stopping point when they came to a little shantytown inside the lower ring of the city. Towards the middle of the town the monks reached the house of the two twins. As they did in every other house, the monks dispersed the toys onto the floor. The parents sat the infants down and let them choose from the toys. Surprisingly one of the twins chose the monkey, the rattle, the turtle, and the spinner . . .

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Yes, we're trying to leave cliffhangers. Tell us what you think. This is our first fanfic, and we probably need plenty of advice.

[The Blank Magician]

I like the idea of it so far. Hope you continue because it sounds really interesting.

[masterab]

^^thanks omnigirl

Chapter 1

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When the Avatar was discovered, the Earth King provided the family with a house in the upper ring. Kiku and Kimi grew up as normal high ranking members of the Earth Kingdom society, so they did not know of their low ranking roots. Kiku and Kimi looked exactly alike, both were tall for eight year olds, had slender builds, and wore thier long brown hair in buns and ponytails. Kiku was very persistent and participated in every sport she could. She was usually optimistic and intelligent in her studies. Kimi, on the other hand, was a “girly girl” in the highest degree. She excelled in makeup and hairstyling, and was very self-concious of the way she looked and the way people perceived her. Kimi was very supportive of everything Kiku did, she was her biggest fan. The only thing that tied the twins together was their looks, their intelligence, and their aptitude for earth bending. The Earth King had arranged for the greatest earth bending master in the Kingdom to teach the new avatar. At their parents request, both twins were taught by the great Master Chen Fo.

Their parents, Jin and Lu, both enjoyed living in the upper ring, as they had grown up in poor, hardworking families, and had worked since they were children. Now, their only job is to make sure the young Avatar survives(survived) to the age of sixteen.

Jin had, as a young girl, grew up outside the city. She and her family came to the lower ring when she was sixteen to escape a drought. After getting settled, Jin had to start working at The Tea Weevil, a tea shop in the city, where she met Lu. One day while waiting tables, he came into the shop and ordered a cup of ginseng tea and invited her to have some with him. They sat and talked for about an hour until Jin’s boss, Mr. Fang, yelled for her to get back to work this minute.
“Come on you lazy sleeze! Get up and work!”
Lu stood up angrily and said. “Can’t she have a break old man? I mean she’s been workin’ all day. Come on you old cheep(cheap?) sandal!”
A month or two later, while Jin was working in the back, a man came into the shop and ordered a cup of ginseng tea. Jin was told to brew the tea, and suddenly she remembered that man who had stood up for her a few months ago. She asked who it was, and the waitress replied, “some strange man with long black hair and a shabby goatee(I think). Instantly she remembered.
“Its Lu,”she replied excitedly. “She ran out into the sitting room and jumped into Lu’s arms.
“I thought I told you to never come back here,” said Mr. Fang. “He’s here for me, not your stinking tea,” replied Jin.
The two walked out of the shop and started dating from that moment on. Later that year the couple got married and opened their own tea shop and put Mr. Fang out of business. Lu and Jin had to eventually sell the Ginseng Tortoise, because Jin had became pregnant. Lu got a job selling knick-knacks from door to door to keep the family on their feet. Eventually the babies where born and that’s where our story began.

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Well there's a bit of background on the parents, and the personality and appearance of the twins.

Did anyone catch the allusion about the teashop? And which ones the Avatar? dun dun dun

[:P]

very good, please dont stop.

[masterab]

Apparently our story must suck horribly...xuase no one has commented or posted on it. OH well. we tried.

[masterab]

Im not double posting this is like 3 days later after posting ^^.

I need some feed back here. Will someone please tell us how the story is. and how can it be improved.

[The Blank Magician]

I hope you are still going to write?

You could always try to advertise it in your signatures....maybe have someone make a sig for you.

Please continue. The plot is really different and I like reading your story.

[masterab]

thanks...and yes we are writing more. We just are really busy.

[teashoppegirl]

Good start and I like how it's not clear which one is the avatar yet.

I have a few suggestions. It doesn't seem very clear when one place years ago - relate it to a time. Reading author notes this takes place that many years before Aang but it's not clear if it's referring to when he got out of the iceberg or when Aang was born.

I see there are are few parts where you used "two twins" the two can be omitted since twins indication that there are two of them.

It would have been nice to see Kiku and Kimi mother named mentioned in prologue giving birth to the two beautiful baby girls.

Further explanation would be nice in certain areas. In Prologue I think it would be nice to know who was surprise that the one of twins choose the toys. In chapter one can explain a little more into why Jin and Lu request both children should get taught by same instructor.

There a part where you explain more about how Jin and Lu met and fell in love. Perhaps do a flashback of situation and add some dialog between them.

It would be nice to have some parts focusing on twins relationship with each other - that could cause tension between them. I got the sense that this was going to have some sibling rivalry in the future chapters and it be interesting to me to see how it builds to that.

I really enjoy what you have so far and hope you consider some of my suggestions. Hope you continue soon.

[masterwb]

Yes, we finally got some advice thank you a lot. The next couple chapters will have more of Kiku and Kimi being with each other and growing close.

Thanks again.

[Coral]

this is really good!! there were just a few times when you write 'there' instead if their though. and that is pretty much it for now.

[masterab]

Okay...we are still trying to find time to sit down and put chapter 2 on paper. I promise we will get it done soon.

[Ilise]

This is pretty good- but if Kimi and Kiki care differently about appearances, they're gonna look different. You said they looked the same- but they can't, if one uses a ton of makeup and stuff.
Otherwise, great!

[masterab]

They look the same. Thats just it. Dont question the unquestionable. haha.