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Post by concreteangel on May 31, 2006 9:59:26 GMT -5
I wanna know!!!!! Please?
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jadawulf
Teo
stark raving sane
Posts: 438
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Post by jadawulf on May 31, 2006 15:55:09 GMT -5
^Since you asked so nicely, I'll review your characters ^^
~Kagome~
Well, there is the problem with her name being the same as that of a character from Inuyasha, but I saw your reasoning in a previous post and that’s understandable ^^
How did she get to the side of a road when she was just a baby? I mean, her mother wouldn’t just abandon her, so something must have happened. Does Zuko think of Kagome as the daughter he had lost?
I would imagine that Zuko and his wife would just pretend that Kagome was the daughter they had lost, rather than keep her hidden from everyone. And as for telling Azula - well, let’s just say I’m curious as to what led Zuko to trust her after their *ahem* arguments in the past ^^;
I wonder how Kagome feels, knowing she is adopted yet never really told about it. Did she feel betrayed? Did she ever want to find out who her real parents were/are?
I don’t understand why hearing about the War would cause her to storm off. It’s over, isn’t it? She might be upset by it, but I can’t see it as being enough reason for her to leave her family – the ones that love and protect her – for a world that is basically unknown to her.
~Shiro~
It is impossible for anyone other than the Avatar to bend more than one element, even if he is Aang’s son.
Why is only the Avatar only allowed to wear non-Water Tribe clothes? It seems kinda weird…
I think “hate” may be too strong a word to describe how he feels about his parents. He may say he hates them, but it strikes me as jealousy, in a way. And as for him being manipulative, are you saying that he is spoiled? (Which would make sense if everyone gave him special treatment as the Avatar’s son)
~Miko~
Having red in the center of your eyes is pretty much impossible. Now, if they were golden near the center, then it would be fine…
He mastered firebending at 6?! That’s a red flag there; most kids would just start training at that age. This is way too young for him to be a master firebender.
~Alaya~
Her eyes sound like their hazel colored.
Longing to find out about your past isn’t a flaw; it’s human nature.
Why didn’t anyone raise her? Just because she was orphaned doesn’t mean someone in her village couldn’t take her in. And what do you mean “Miko gave her the name”? Didn’t she already have one?
I don’t think earthbending entails bending a tree so it bears fruit faster.
……That’s it ^^;
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Post by writer on May 31, 2006 16:04:29 GMT -5
Hey! Where Chiko review
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RadiantBeam
Long Feng
Rosa rubicundior, lilio candidior.
Posts: 3,245
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Post by RadiantBeam on May 31, 2006 16:47:04 GMT -5
Well, here goes nothing...
Name: Ming
Age: 13
Eye color: Green
Hair color: Dark brown
History: Her parents are both members of the Earth Kingdom; her father is an Earthbender and fought briefly in the war, but he came home. Her mother isn't a bender, though.
Marks/Scars/Clothing worth noting: She wears normal Earth Kingdom clothes.... the only thing I can think of that's different is that she wears a headband with the Earth Kingdom symbol on it.
Personality: Ming tends to be quiet and shy, a little mature for her age. Why she is this way is anyone's guess, but it certainly pains her mother, who is well-known in their village. Ming gets teased by the other kids, because her Earthbending isn't as great as it could be.
Strengths: She knows when to back down from a fight, but this could also count as a weakness I suppose.
Weaknesses: She really, really, doesn't believe in herself. She doesn't think she's that good of a bender and she's a loner. I guess you could say she suffers from low self-esteem.
And here's my other one...
Name: Chiko
Age: 7
Eye color: Green
Hair color: Dark brown
History: He's Ming's little brother.
Marks/Scars/Clothing worth noting: Nothing here.
Personality: Chiko doesn't shut up. At all. He's curious about everything and has a million questions for something new he encounters. Unlike Ming, he is fearless, and this often gets him into trouble. He isn't a bender like Ming, but he doesn't care.
Strengths: He's pretty small, even for a kid his age, so he can basically squeeze in anywhere. He's also pretty fast.
Weaknesses: He always asks questions, and this sometimes gets him on people's bad side. Chiko, again, is fearless, and never knows when to end a fight. He's not a bad kid... he's just Chiko.
... So... what do you guys think?
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Post by writer on May 31, 2006 17:08:52 GMT -5
Ehhh your Character name is the same as mine..Weird and...cool./.
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Post by concreteangel on May 31, 2006 17:09:02 GMT -5
jadawulf, sometimes I wish you and Alleluia would agree on things. *sighs and points to Alleluia's reviews of the characters* Yeah, hang on, I'll modify (again) and repost. Again.
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RadiantBeam
Long Feng
Rosa rubicundior, lilio candidior.
Posts: 3,245
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Post by RadiantBeam on May 31, 2006 17:26:18 GMT -5
Ehhh your Character name is the same as mine..Weird and...cool./. Oh, man, I just realized that... Sorry about that. ^^;;
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Post by concreteangel on May 31, 2006 17:50:58 GMT -5
^Since you asked so nicely, I'll review your characters ^^ ~Kagome~ Well, there is the problem with her name being the same as that of a character from Inuyasha, but I saw your reasoning in a previous post and that’s understandable ^^ How did she get to the side of a road when she was just a baby? I mean, her mother wouldn’t just abandon her, so something must have happened. Does Zuko think of Kagome as the daughter he had lost? I would imagine that Zuko and his wife would just pretend that Kagome was the daughter they had lost, rather than keep her hidden from everyone. And as for telling Azula - well, let’s just say I’m curious as to what led Zuko to trust her after their *ahem* arguments in the past ^^; I wonder how Kagome feels, knowing she is adopted yet never really told about it. Did she feel betrayed? Did she ever want to find out who her real parents were/are? I don’t understand why hearing about the War would cause her to storm off. It’s over, isn’t it? She might be upset by it, but I can’t see it as being enough reason for her to leave her family – the ones that love and protect her – for a world that is basically unknown to her. ~Shiro~ It is impossible for anyone other than the Avatar to bend more than one element, even if he is Aang’s son. Why is only the Avatar only allowed to wear non-Water Tribe clothes? It seems kinda weird… I think “hate” may be too strong a word to describe how he feels about his parents. He may say he hates them, but it strikes me as jealousy, in a way. And as for him being manipulative, are you saying that he is spoiled? (Which would make sense if everyone gave him special treatment as the Avatar’s son) ~Miko~ Having red in the center of your eyes is pretty much impossible. Now, if they were golden near the center, then it would be fine… He mastered firebending at 6?! That’s a red flag there; most kids would just start training at that age. This is way too young for him to be a master firebender. ~Alaya~ Her eyes sound like their hazel colored. Longing to find out about your past isn’t a flaw; it’s human nature. Why didn’t anyone raise her? Just because she was orphaned doesn’t mean someone in her village couldn’t take her in. And what do you mean “Miko gave her the name”? Didn’t she already have one? I don’t think earthbending entails bending a tree so it bears fruit faster. ……That’s it ^^; Okay, answering questions. Kagome: Her parents are dead. Long story Pretty much She's a waterbender, not a very good one, though. And she looks different from them. It's kinda hard to hide the way she looks. Azula's a good guy now. Zuko hasn't completely forgiven her, but he has forgiven her. Kagome's just glad to know the truth, but she does tell her parents that she overheard in the end of my story, I think, or else the next one. The War made her dad sound like a bad guy, she hates criticism about him. So, she stormed off. She was fine after a long talk with Shiro. Shiro: It's part of the story. They're in the Water Tribe, Water Tribe people wear Water Tribe clothes. Aang is not of the Water Tribe, and the only person like that there. Nope, I'm pretty sure hate is the word. But he is spoiled. Miko: I have friends who's eyes are practically red in the center, and I kinda like it. Azula, Zuko, and Iroh taught him. Every day. Since he was 2. Alaya: Kinda sorta. Yeah, it is. I just got tired of bios once I did hers. Another long story. Yeah, she had a name before, but she didn't know it, so Miko gave her a new one. We don't know yet, so, I decided to make it up. Hope I answered your questions.
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RadiantBeam
Long Feng
Rosa rubicundior, lilio candidior.
Posts: 3,245
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Post by RadiantBeam on May 31, 2006 17:58:28 GMT -5
^ Your characters intrigue me. They seem pretty well-balanced to me, and you explain enough details about them for them to not seem so Mary-Sue like. Although I must ask... who is Zuko's wife?
... And how did Azula become a good guy?
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Post by earthbendingmage on May 31, 2006 18:53:00 GMT -5
Someone please comment on mine! Pretty please with a cherry on top?
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Post by concreteangel on Jun 1, 2006 7:17:27 GMT -5
Zuko's wife is just someone I made up for the sake of the story. If I put her bio on here, she would SO be a Mary Sue, but she's hardly in it at all, so I decided against it.
Azula became a good guy right after the War. It's a story in itself, so I won't go into detail, but she meets a guy who teaches her the error in her ways and all that stuff. That would be her now dead husband, and that's also the reason why she turned bitter to the outside world again.
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RadiantBeam
Long Feng
Rosa rubicundior, lilio candidior.
Posts: 3,245
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Post by RadiantBeam on Jun 1, 2006 16:06:25 GMT -5
Zuko's wife is just someone I made up for the sake of the story. If I put her bio on here, she would SO be a Mary Sue, but she's hardly in it at all, so I decided against it. Azula became a good guy right after the War. It's a story in itself, so I won't go into detail, but she meets a guy who teaches her the error in her ways and all that stuff. That would be her now dead husband, and that's also the reason why she turned bitter to the outside world again. Aaah. Okay. That explains it, thanks alot.
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jadawulf
Teo
stark raving sane
Posts: 438
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Post by jadawulf on Jun 1, 2006 23:14:23 GMT -5
Okay, answering questions. Kagome: Her parents are dead. Long story Pretty much As long as you have a good reason, then I’m fine with it ^^ Yes, she looks different, but why is this such a big problem? The war is over, and besides, Zuko’s the Fire Lord, isn’t he? Who would dare oppose him should he decide to adopt a Water Tribe girl? *giggles* I saw your explanation for why Azula turned good, and it amuses me that it was all because of a guy ^^ Okay Wait…what? I’m a little confused. I assumed she found out about the war from her parents, but I guess she didn’t considering someone was criticizing her father. And I still don’t get why that is reason for her to leave. (Referring to Shiro being a double bender) I still don’t see any plausible way for Shiro to have the ability to bend more than one element. Alright, but why doesn’t Aang wear Water Tribe clothes? I'm sure he's grown out of his airbender clothes by now ^^; Besides, the parkas are nice and warm, so they're perfect for the cold weather ^^ Okay then… I wasn’t sure about this one, so I asked a friend who knows about genetics. She wonders what color your friend’s eyes are; if they’re brown, they probably look red under certain lighting. The other possibility is that, if your friend has pale eyes, it could be that the blood vessels are somewhat visible. It is still way too young for him to become a master. And besides, training for four years is not enough for anyone of any age, even if it was every day. She must have had some kind of nickname, though >.> How would she introduce herself to others? (Referring to bending a tree to make it grow faster) It’s pretty creative ^^ Anyway, I’m sorry about not agreeing with Alleluia’s review and asking so many questions. I have a tendency to be… picky with OCs ^^;
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Post by concreteangel on Jun 2, 2006 6:34:45 GMT -5
That's okay, you're really making me stretch my ideas, though.
Okay, so, the Fire Nation people were raised (and lived for 100 years) very much against people of all other nations. So, most of them would still be alive, and Zuko wanted to protect his daughter from them.
She found out a little of the war from Iroh (Pop), but nothing about Zuko being a bad guy. Then, Aang told her the WHOLE thing. And she got mad. She's 9, give the kid a break.
Neither do I, but, unless I want to ADD a character (and take away Shiro's fame, which takes away from his character) then I have to keep it that way.
He has, but the people keep making him new ones exactly like it. They're weird. He's got this yellow and red parka now, it's funny if you imagine it.
Okay then, that's kinda odd. Coulda sworn it was red, but I'll fix his bio.
And, being Azula's son, he's naturally gifted. (gift+training= mastering it faster)
When she met the others, they asked her name, and Alaya said she didn't know it. Then, Miko just blurted out some random thing (Alaya) and it stuck. He calls her Lay-Lay now.
Thanks.
Okay, so I THINK I answered questions. They shouldn't be Sues anymore, I hope.
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jadawulf
Teo
stark raving sane
Posts: 438
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Post by jadawulf on Jun 2, 2006 15:40:46 GMT -5
Yay! You have a good explanation for why Zuko would hide his daughter (very true--it's hard for people to overcome what they are raised to believe) and everything else is fine. I just have one problem, and that is with Miko being a master firebender at 6. I still think it's too young...
Otherwise, you did a great job explaining everything ^_^
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