bickazer
Zuko
Space, the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise...
Posts: 111
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Post by bickazer on May 4, 2006 19:36:06 GMT -5
So...something from Final Fantasy (which I know nothing about, I assure you) is in the Avaverse...? It's alright to add to an existing universe, but pulling elements from one universe into another, completely unrelated one is generally a big no-no. Particularly if the fic isn't a crossover.
In this case, perhaps the criticism was well-justified. Perhaps you should take Gotterdammerung's advice to heart and realize maybe your OC *does* have need to be worked on a little. It may hurt to get your OC "ripped apart" so to speak, but in some cases that's just because you need to do a lot of fine-tuning before your OC steps out of Mary Sue danger ground.
On the flip side, sometimes I *do* see people being *too* critical of Sues to the point that we're only allowed to write boring, nondescript "NPC" (so to speak...) characters. If you really look at it, many Avatar characters--and characters from other fandoms--*are* Mary Sues. No one expects a particularly well-developed, say, Pokemon OC. Just avoid the "sparklypoo", please. It's ridiculous to expect all OC's to be perfectly well-developed realisetic characters because GUESS WHAT--many of the show characters AREN'T. The trick is that the writers of the show are clever enough to pull off underdeveloped charactere well.
(That's not to say that ALL OC's aren't Sues, either. Most OC's tend to be overpowered and underdeveloped even by the Avatar standards.)
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Post by Zuko's wife forever on May 4, 2006 19:49:34 GMT -5
I'll describe Aqua and mist for ya rest asure I made them before I knew about princess yue name: Aqua naive or royal: she used to be aa peasent but then Familo crowned her princess of water hair: the colours darcys but the styles Icy's eyes: like the dark blooms nation: Water bends: the ellaments Age: 15 how she met mist: She started searching for Familo and found that mists village was dystroyed by him So Aqua becomes Mist's best friend other: before being crowned Aqua went to go collect water (this scene was sopposed to be at the beging) when she came back she found her parents. had left her (as in Killed) she's blamed the fire nation when Familo walked in he said this to her. "miss Aqua please come with me" she followed him to the palace where she became princess when she thought Familo was dead thats when she used clover to travle.
name: mist naive or Royal: Naive hair: colour of Icy's but style of Darcys eyes: like the origenle bloom nation: Fire bends: Fire age: 15 other: she is a sorcerous from the fire nation and casts a spell or two. she loves a thing called anime, and she enjoys spells.
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Bison Woes
Gran Gran
Die-hard Moppa Supporter! Long live Moppa Love!
Posts: 558
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Post by Bison Woes on May 4, 2006 20:49:19 GMT -5
I'll describe Aqua and mist for ya rest asure I made them before I knew about princess yue name: Aqua naive or royal: she used to be aa peasent but then Familo crowned her princess of water hair: the colours darcys but the styles Icy's eyes: like the dark blooms nation: Water bends: the ellaments Age: 15 how she met mist: She started searching for Familo and found that mists village was dystroyed by him So Aqua becomes Mist's best friend other: before being crowned Aqua went to go collect water (this scene was sopposed to be at the beging) when she came back she found her parents. had left her (as in Killed) she's blamed the fire nation when Familo walked in he said this to her. "miss Aqua please come with me" she followed him to the palace where she became princess when she thought Familo was dead thats when she used clover to travle. name: mist naive or Royal: Naive hair: colour of Icy's but style of Darcys eyes: like the origenle bloom nation: Fire bends: Fire age: 15 other: she is a sorcerous from the fire nation and casts a spell or two. she loves a thing called anime, and she enjoys spells. Sorry, zukoloverforever, but these are huge Sues. For one, please do not compare your character's physical traits to anyone else. Their names are also quite Sueish since they aren't traditional Asian names. Mist being a sorceress puts it off as sorcery is not canon in Avatar (evn though I'm also guilty of this but that story was stopped). Being royalty is quite Sueish. I honestly do not understand any of Aqua's backstory but I can say that people do not become royalty like that in either part of the world. What does "bends: all elements" mean? Is she an Avatar? If so, then she just broke canon and that is seriously not good (and the pinnacle of Sueness).
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Post by Awapuhi on May 4, 2006 21:36:04 GMT -5
Making a non-Sue OC will be covered in the RP tutorial, too, zukoloverforever. ^.^
As it is, both of these characters are Sues.
Names: Mist and Aqua are unusual, “Sparklypoo” names. Think of names that a mother would choose for her child in the canon Avatar universe. Katara, Bumi, Aang, Mai, and Azula are all oriental-based and are not directly drawn from anything in the English language. They also don’t have mystical connotations. This is a good rule to follow when naming your OCs: If it will work for a My Little Pony, it won’t work for an OC.
Hair: There is no way for someone reading your profile to know who Darcy and Icy are. Describe the color of Darcy’s hair, and then describe the style of Icy’s hair. Once you’ve finished, take out the names Darcy and Icy. We’ll be able to visualize your character’s hair as if you had not based it off of two other characters at all.
Bends: Bending all elements is frowned upon. In fact, having the powers of the Avatar without her being the Avatar makes Aqua a Mary Sue by default. If she is a bender then she may only bend one element as far as the canon goes, like your character Mist, and players should stick as close to canon as possible.
Eyes: This sounds like the beginning to an interesting description. But by calling her eyes like “the blooms,” you imply that her eyes are like a specific kind of bloom. Because different flowers will be different shades of dark depending on their base color, there needs to be clarification here on what color they actually are. Actually, I just did an internet search on all of the unusual terms in this character’s profile and I would guess that much of these characters are based off of the cartoon "Winx." If that's so, then describe Bloom’s eyes the same way you described the hair. Then take out all mention of Bloom and you’ll just have a pair of eyes for your character.
Age: Be aware that many Sues are in their teens and have abilities and psychology that do not reflect that.
How she met Mist/Her history: This was hard to understand. I was confused as to what nation Familo was from and how he had the power to destroy villages. I did not know if Aqua’s back story took place in the Fire Nation or in the Water Tribes. If you explained why Aqua was crowned if she was not of royal blood then much more of her history will make sense. As it is, it sounds like she bends the rules of the Avatar universe to become more powerful as a character. I couldn’t tell whether the Clover she used to travel was a thing, animal, or person, and for Mist to love anime she would have to be from our world, as anime does not exist in the Avatar world. That puts her very high on the Sue scale.
While your characters may tenuously fit in a Winx/Avatar crossover, in an RP or fic they would be classified as Sues.
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Gotterdammerung
Casual Zuko
sorry. i'm fresh out of the ability to care.
Posts: 969
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Post by Gotterdammerung on May 4, 2006 23:47:59 GMT -5
cinnebon, I second all of jadawulf's points. I would also add a note about the scar that "decorative" scars like the one you described are generally considered extremely Sueish for whatever reason they occured.
As far as Allae's shirt being cut up by practicing with her katana...if she was imprecise enough with a sharpened katana to ruin her shirt she'd probably have wounded herself badly if not killed herself. And honestly even if it just got slashes in it from wear and tear, why wouldn't she just mend it. It's just needlessly bizarre.
jadawulf, I think both of your characters are extremely well-realized and well-rounded. Not a single remotely Sueish thing about them.
Hok, bikazer has already pointed out the problems inherent in pulling things from another property and plopping them down into the Avatarverse. And especially trying to translate things from turn-based/stat based RPGs into characters is always going somewhere you don't want to. It just doesn't make sense in the context of the universe you're trying to work in and it doesn't fit.
Which you could have just said instead of talking about a "dark spirit" that she "sensed" because that's making it sound mystical and special when really all she did was observe that he wasn't a good person.
Well, if you're going to try to incorporate things from it into your characters or stories it would behoove you to find out. If you can't get your hands on the episode you can always ask someone for the specifics.
And it's exactly this sort of thinking that makes me hate the plot device. Effectively disguising a female as a male is a lot more complicated than just covering her figure or binding her breasts like everyone seems to assume. Women don't move like men, they don't sound like them, their facial and bone structures, their body weight and mass distribution are all entirely different. Unless she was extremely androgynous to start with it just isn't very plausible for her to be able to fool anyone she has to be in close contact with.
Why would you assume that waterbending couldn't kill people? Yes, waterbending is a heavily defensive art, but it's stated that airbending is the ONLY bending art that doesn't have a deadly finishing move. And that's just accounting for actual established techniques for killing. In application I'm sure you could kill anyone with any kind of bending. And really looking at some of the scary looking things that Katara and Pakku have done with their bending, especially when they start screwing around with ice, how could you think for a second that waterbending couldn't easily be extremely lethal?
And again the fact that she'd be incapacitated if her her arms were broken is not a weakness specific to her. Someone who swordfights would be unable to do so with broken bones. ANYONE would be in some measure of trouble if their arms were broken and they needed to defend themselves. Same with the hair, a ton of benders and fighters we've seen have long hair. Honestly, I don't think that listing weaknesses for a character is a necessity since sometimes people end up making a character more Sueish by virtue of trying to think of "dramatic" or "clever" weaknesses for them. If they're just a semi-normal human being then they already have enough weaknesses inherent in that. But if you're going to list specific weaknesses then they do actually need to be specific.
Well, that's the risk you take when you offer your characters up to be judged on their Sueishness or lack thereof. If you're not ready for concrit, don't ask for it.
I stopped giving it unsolicited a long time ago.
I do agree that the whole Mary Sue mania has gotten out of control to the point where everyone worries a bit TOO much over whether their characters are Sues. For instance, jadawulf's characters, to me, are so far from Sues and are just generally so well-developed and reasonably presented that it's kind of ridiculous that she would even think to wonder whether they're Sues. They're clearly not. But the mentality of Mary Sue mania makes everyone feel like it's a necessity to check even when it might not be. In all honesty, any reasonably self-aware person who has come into contact with the Mary Sue phenonmenon knows in their heart of hearts whether their characters are Sues. Sometimes they might not want to admit it, if they are, but one some level they're probably aware of it.
HOWEVER, I strongly disagree that all OCs don't have to be well-developed and realistic. If you're going to do something do it right. Every character should be realistic in its context and developed enough to play its prescribed role. And if the source material doesn't do that itself? So what? Then make yours better than the source material, but never resign yourself to mediocrity.
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Post by almighty on May 5, 2006 1:07:09 GMT -5
Welp, after reading the last couple of posts, I really wanted to look at Hok's character, Luna. Name: I'm a bit iffy on the name "Luna". I realize that water benders rise with the moon but the only person who is actually connected to the moon in any way is Yue. However, I guess I cannot really argue about the name itself.... there was a "Jet". XD Age: Warning: age range is in the sueish range. I'm also a bit confused on the "birthday in a little bit in the FF". If I read this correctly, does it say that her birthday is somewhat in the fanfic? I'm really confused about this statement. Bender/bends/tribe: Okay, before Katara came to the north pole, women weren't allowed to bend in the north. The only thing that they could do was healing. I'll touch up on this when I get to the history. Description: Looks like a water bender, but I'm confused by this phrase: "Has long, brown hair that she THINKS connects her to her tribe." <---- I don't understand. Is she not originally from the north pole? Elaborate on this because that phrase makes it way too confusing. History: I'm assuming that this is all taking place around the season 2 timeline because it is after Zhao attacked. The one thing that I'm already having problems with is that she doesn't care at all that her own father died. Normally, people are emotional after someone dear to them dies (unless she hated her father or something). She disguises herself as a boy? If everyone else knew, why wouldn't they just confront her? The tradition of the northern water tribe is that men are the warriors. She's obviously breaking tradition, yet no one else has a problem with it?? Do they just let her do whatever she wants and lets her get away with it? Who is Hydao? He was just included all of a sudden that it made me stop reading. She was a close friend with Hydao? This doesn't make sense. The northern water tribe has been isolated for so many years. They haven't seen firebenders for how long? Yet, she is friends with one? I don't think so. This is illogical and does not flow with the avatarverse. Going back to how she didn't care that her father died, he taught her waterbending. Obviously, it shows how much he loved his child that he was willing to break tradition just for her. However, since he was taught by Pakku, wouldn't Pakku also teach him the tradition as well? So, if her father taught her waterbending, she must be pretty darn cruel to not even care that her father died. The sword-fighting thing is also illogical. How can she learn sword-bending in the Northern water tribe? They don't even teach the girls basic waterbending defensive maneveurs let alone sword fighting. Also, the norther water tribe don't even fight with swords... so.... I don't really see how this fits in as well. The South Pole isn't a battlefield. The earth kingdom is, and with that info the warriors of the southern water tribe went to the earth kingdom to help fight in the war. That's why Katara and Sokka never see their dad. Remember, I'm not bashing your character or making you scrap her in anyway. Because you asked if she was a sue or not, I gave you my answer. I hope that you can use my critiques as a way to rework your character so that she is more realisitic in the avatarverse.
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Post by Zuko's wife forever on May 5, 2006 8:02:58 GMT -5
okay Okay i will show you the dark bloom eyes then i'll fix it up name: Ayoko (aka Aqua) age: 16 eyes: the eyes in the picture hair: brown but it's in a realy high ponytail sorta like zuko in season one but longer bends: water and fire (that okay) nation: water likes: Zuko but it's becuase of minka (aka Mist) background story: she lived with her adoptive mother untill she figured out she was water nation princess. She left the fire nation with her only friend a liger named clona. (clover) She realy like the fire lord but knew she was to young
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firephoenixflame
Teo
Toko StableMistress
Xia's Angels - Saving the Ava-verse.. One Mary Sue at a time. Rai, Jia, Kura -- GO!
Posts: 433
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Post by firephoenixflame on May 5, 2006 8:54:02 GMT -5
Hm.. I'm greatly curious. I serve as a Profile GMod/Moderator (they haven't decided yet what my ranking will be >D) over at the Feng Shui Avatar RP. Therefore, it's my job to rate profiles and weed out the Sues. This would be a good experience for me to get anothers rating on my own character, Jialing. I know for a fact that my orginal profile was low on the description (compared to what I expect now from applications) therefore, I have edited it some for posting here.
Name: Jialing
Age: 19
Gender: Female
Nation: Earth Kingdom
Bender?: No
Physical Appearance: Jialing's, ashen sepia toned hair is rough and unkept. The dirty and stiff strands defy gravity and seemingly float around her pointed face. Lenght wise, her hair reaches the middle of her shoulder blades but only when it's wet, otherwise, her hair sticks up all over the place. There are strings of green and fake gold beads woven through her hair. She has narrow eyes, and a thin nose, falling all in alignment with the thinness of her face Her eyes are amber brown, like the color of dried mud and her lips a tanned peach. She's a lanky girl with no figure, having not quite finished growing into her elongated body.
Clothing/Armor:She wears layers of clothing consisting of a ivory colored undershirt, with a pale brown vest pulled over that, and a dusty yellow-green tunic over that, Her upper arms are bare and her lower arms are wrapped in bandages, but not for injuries. Usually slung over her torso is a old donkey harness that she had modifed to carry her quiver of arrows and her bow, along with food packs and supplies. Jialing then wears old fishing netting around her waist, bundled up like a belt, over a pair of stiff, thick pants that are usually covered with grime and bit of moss. She always wears knee high boots of dark brown leather, lined with rabbit fur and laced down around her calves.
Weapons: Bow and Arrows. She has to make the arrows herself unless if she can afford to buy new ones.
Personality: Jialing is very independent and will not accept No for an answer. She virtually ignores the war and does not care who wins as long as she can get by. Jialing can be very sarcastic, often using her wit to expose the weaknesses of others and to make herself seem better than others. While not exactly cruel, Jialing carries an ill will towards most people for an unknown reason. However, Jin, her pup, often breaks this curtain of darkness when he steals her arrow bundles and dashes off through the woods. As a child, she witnessed a traveling troupe of benders preform. Unable to bend, she developed a jealous streak towards Benders who seem to be treated like royalty in her eyes and often times, Jialing won't associate with them or when she does, she is snappy and not exactly a shining ray of sunshine.
Background: Jialing's hometown is a tiny, insignifcant dot in the Earth Kingdom. The village is home to a small temple dedicated to the Earth Spirits and Earth Avatars, but the temple is run-down and in dis repair. The village does not even have a single earthbender in it's population of 132 or so. Her parents were farmers, and all of her four siblings helped out on the farm and in the small family textile shop. Jialing herself is a bit of a skilled weaver, but hardly up to par with her mothers excellent fabrics. However, such a simple life bored Jialing who was always running off as a child to explore the near by river and forest with her three brothers. It was her oldest brother who taught her archery as he was a hunter for the family. Not wanting to be bored all her life, Jialing left her family after a heated argument about that very subject and simply set out with the clothes on her back, her knife, a bow, and some food. With her dog, Jin, at her side, the two roam up and down the valleys of the Earth Kingdom, surviving on what they can and as always, reminaing up for hire by anyone willing to spare a bed, coins or food. Earth Kingdon, Fire Nation, Water Tribe.. anyone.. as long as they can pay her.
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Post by Mashnii on May 5, 2006 11:48:48 GMT -5
mashnipfaeri, the first thing that strikes me about Tolui is the fact that you're trying to have it both ways as far as her personality. Children who are spoiled rotten brats (especially manipulative ones) are not generally sweet and loveable. It seems like it would make more sense to me if she tried to act sweet when she wanted something, which is a typical enough behavior for a spoiled child. Being the non-existent relative of a canon character is generally like automatic Sue territory, but, honestly, I can't make that judgement without knowing about the circumstances that lead to/the story preceding her birth. But the fact that her father is an OC as well doesn't really bode well, because you have twice as much work trying to sell the characters. Thanks! I, myself, hate Tolui with a passion, but she has to be exactly like that for the sake of my pathetic story. I now...it stinks...
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Post by writer on May 5, 2006 18:53:01 GMT -5
@zukoloverforeveranything connected with Winxs is Sue Peroid.
You. Have. FLAMMING. Sues.
Thank you and good bye
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bickazer
Zuko
Space, the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise...
Posts: 111
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Post by bickazer on May 5, 2006 19:18:52 GMT -5
Hey, I save that for my original fiction. I write fanfiction for fun. I see nothing wrong with writing mediocre fics (and again, you want a one-time "Song" type character to be well-developed? Jeezz...you have some ridiculously high expectations). In my opinion, if you're a serious writer fanfiction should only be considered as a side endeavor to screw around with and have fun with. I *can't* spend forever tweaking OC's to try to make them perfectly well-developed and have a backstory, because frankly I view the short stories I write for writing contests as more important and immediate. (Yes I am a published writer of sorts. As of now my writing has been published in two youth anthologies already. The first story I wrote back in sixth grade for an anthology was awful though...)
Again I don't support Sueishness, because if you ever *do* attempt to publish your writing either for real or by putting it on the net, you *have* to follow some standards to make your writing at least halfway decent. Trying to throw away all standards if you want to write is, to a serious writer like me, a disgusting affront. That's why I'm glad ff.net has banned script formats and made bad grammar/spelling a reportable offense--if you want to write, at least write in sensible PROSE people.
I'll finish off by noting that many *published* original characters (even those in big blockbusters like Dan Brown or Harry Potter) aren't very well-developed or well-rounded either. Telling us to transcend actual published writers in our silly fangirl fanfiction is kind of...over-the-top.
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jadawulf
Teo
stark raving sane
Posts: 438
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Post by jadawulf on May 5, 2006 19:58:54 GMT -5
jadawulf, I think both of your characters are extremely well-realized and well-rounded. Not a single remotely Sueish thing about them. Thank you Gotterdammerung, that means a lot ^^ And bickazer, I don’t think Gotterdammerung was referring to every single OC that would appear in a fanfiction, only the ones that are the main OCs of the story. You mention Dan Brown and Harry Potter…true, there are characters in those books that aren’t well-developed, but Robert Langdon (Brown’s character) and Harry Potter are. I think that’s what Gotterdammerung was getting at.
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bickazer
Zuko
Space, the Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the starship Enterprise...
Posts: 111
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Post by bickazer on May 5, 2006 20:37:26 GMT -5
jadawulf, I think both of your characters are extremely well-realized and well-rounded. Not a single remotely Sueish thing about them. Thank you Gotterdammerung, that means a lot ^^ And bickazer, I don’t think Gotterdammerung was referring to every single OC that would appear in a fanfiction, only the ones that are the main OCs of the story. You mention Dan Brown and Harry Potter…true, there are characters in those books that aren’t well-developed, but Robert Langdon (Brown’s character) and Harry Potter are. I think that’s what Gotterdammerung was getting at. Actually Harry *was* basically a Gary Stu of sorts until book 5 when he finally started throwing tantrums and such. Strangely everyone started to hate him, but not me. ~_^ There are essays dealing more in depth with the "Sueish Harry" on fictionpress, but still. I agree that Harry's not a complete Stu. He's very easy to identify with (particularly when he gets mad). Now...Robert Langdon...no way. I've never particularly thought very highly of Mr. Brown's books--they're all on my "Favorites" bookshelf, but I recognize them as the cheap junk thrillers that they actually are. Of course, cheap thrillers don't require deep characters--Langdon while sometimes incompetent and bumbly somehow manages to stumble onto vast reserves of strength and knowledge when he needs to--and his random flashes of "insight" are too frequent and annoying. Really, think about it--how can a college professor and a cryptographer find the location of the Holy Grail when thousands have tried before and failed? Langdon's not a Stu but he's not very well-developed either. Actually in my analysis of Bob Langdon I realized what I hate about Eragon...the greatest Sue to grace published writing after Arya (another Chris Paolini Sue! Whoopee!). So yeah, THERE'S a published Suethor--Chris Paolini! Personally what I think is that if you're writing non-character-driven fanfiction, you DON'T need very well-developed characters. Should they still be developed? Should they still be realistic? Of course, but if the story is more plot-driven (like Potter and Brown), the characters don't have to be super-fully-realized. Since most fanfiction seems plot-driven, I suppose it's a general rule of fanfiction though, though you may need more development if you're writing a romance.
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Gotterdammerung
Casual Zuko
sorry. i'm fresh out of the ability to care.
Posts: 969
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Post by Gotterdammerung on May 5, 2006 23:49:44 GMT -5
We'll just have to agree to disagree then. Because again I don't believe in being mediocre if I'm going to do something.
I mean it's fine if you don't want to put as much effort into fanfiction as you do your original fiction. That works for you.
I write original fiction too. I write novels. And writing original fiction implicitly requires more effort because you have to create everything and don't have the benefit of just using other people's worlds and characters. So conversely since my original fic is lengthy I tend to only write fanfiction in short form. But I'm never going to say, "Oh well it's just fanfic it doesn't have to be good," when I am writing fanfic because it has my name on it and if it has my name on it I want it to be good.
I mean, I honestly don't understand the concept of writing something without the goal of it being good once completed. That baffles me on a basic level.
And again. We'll have to disagree. Just because published writers sometimes suck is no reason to decide oh well you'll suck too. I love it when I read bad books because it just inspires me to further push myself beyond the crap that they're writing.
It's not like I'm demanding that all fanfiction should be better than published work. What I'm saying is that it should be as good as you can make it if you're going to bother doing it.
On this point, however, no. I explicitly stated that every character should be developed enough to play its prescribed role. Every character does not need to be fully-realized like a main character, but they should be realized enough to give the illusion of depth so that they don't come off like a cardboard cut-out.
But I do cop to having ridiculously high expectations and I hold myself to even higher ones because I hate mediocrity more than I hate anything else. I just can't stand it when people half-Equus asinus it.
But back on the subject of Sues: the worst Sue I've ever seen in a published work is totally Rhapsody from the Symphony of the Ages series by Elizabeth Haydon. Though, it should be noted, I've never managed to read more than a few pages of Eragon because the writing was so horrible.
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Post by tiaramaki on May 6, 2006 10:12:30 GMT -5
I realize that water benders rise with the moon but the only person who is actually connected to the moon in any way is Yue. However, I guess I cannot really argue about the name itself.... there was a "Jet". XD Luna was a name I liked. From a long time ago. I'm also a bit confused on the "birthday in a little bit in the FF". If I read this correctly, does it say that her birthday is somewhat in the fanfic? I'm really confused about this statement. Yes, her birthday is close in the fanfic. "Has long, brown hair that she THINKS connects her to her tribe." <---- I don't understand. Is she not originally from the north pole? Elaborate on this because that phrase makes it way too confusing. It means when she disguises herself, she doesn't cut her hair whatsoever, because she thinks that it breaks a rule to have a woman cut her hair short in the NP. History: I'm assuming that this is all taking place around the season 2 timeline because it is after Zhao attacked. The one thing that I'm already having problems with is that she doesn't care at all that her own father died. Normally, people are emotional after someone dear to them dies (unless she hated her father or something). She doesn't care if he dies because she knows that she'll meet him in heaven with the other Waterbenders who lost their lives in Zhao's assault. She disguises herself as a boy? If everyone else knew, why wouldn't they just confront her? The tradition of the northern water tribe is that men are the warriors. She's obviously breaking tradition, yet no one else has a problem with it?? Do they just let her do whatever she wants and lets her get away with it? They can't argue with the fiancee of their leader. Besides, Tsen agreed with it. Who is Hydao? He was just included all of a sudden that it made me stop reading. She was a close friend with Hydao? This doesn't make sense. The northern water tribe has been isolated for so many years. They haven't seen firebenders for how long? Yet, she is friends with one? I don't think so. This is illogical and does not flow with the avatarverse. He left before Zhao's assault (He saw his ships) and tried to join in to his team. Luna was friends with Hydao, she wasn't his friend anymore, he wants revenge. Simple as that. This brings up another good point: Remember the Airbending Monk that helped the FN reach the Air Temples (The TCG)? Hydao's particularly just as that. The sword-fighting thing is also illogical. How can she learn sword-bending in the Northern water tribe? Not sword-bending, WEAPON COMBAT. They don't even teach the girls basic waterbending defensive maneveurs let alone sword fighting. Also, the norther water tribe don't even fight with swords... so.... I don't really see how this fits in as well. Most of their weapons were destroyed in the assault, so that invented Seal Bone Swords. The South Pole isn't a battlefield. The earth kingdom is, and with that info the warriors of the southern water tribe went to the earth kingdom to help fight in the war. That's why Katara and Sokka never see their dad. Which is also why Tsen's crew went to the South Pole first to know what's going on, and THEN went to the Earth Kingdom to help. Remember, I'm not bashing your character or making you scrap her in anyway. Because you asked if she was a sue or not, I gave you my answer. I hope that you can use my critiques as a way to rework your character so that she is more realisitic in the avatarverse. I'm trying, I'm TRYING!!! How much my brain hurts to find some new OC non-Sue. Name: Hazha (Nickname for Luna) Age: 16 Bender: Yes Bends: Water Description: Waterbender clothes, long hair, fashioned to be like the style the North Pole uses. Wears a choker around her neck. History: Fiancee of Tsen, a leader to the warrior crew of the North Pole. Her father died in Zhao's assault, while trying to protect his daughter. The North Pole's healer. She went with Tsen so that she could help them in their battles, and to heal the injured crew. Was taught some basics on Waterbending by Master Pakku after Katara compleated her training (And she needs some more practice. XD). Sue or no?
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