Example of Profile/RP. (Please Read)

[Horyo]

Hello everyone, it's Horyo again! And I'm here to try and help you again.

This time with profiles and a few RP tips...

Well, let's just say not all of the profiles are (at first) accepted because there is a flaw somehow. It's like writing an essay, mistakes you don't see >.>;;

Note: If we do not accept your profile right away, don't feel discouraged take our criticism and think about it and then do what you can. We're not trying to be mean, we just wnat people to have realistic characters.


1st post: Roleplaying tips
2nd post: Character profile tips
3rd post: Examples of profiles

[Zukosfire5]

To RP you must be Clear, Descriptive, and Effective in your meaning or point.


-Be clear with your posts. Good grammar, spelling, and punctuation usually helps, also sentence structures, and use each parts of speech correctly.


-Descriptive: Be descriptive with your character, how your character sees others, how he or she sees himself, how they see their environment.

-Don't just put "YuLan looked around at the others before sitting down to start the fire."

-A better example would be "Yulan looked at the others, her dark green eyes showing disappointment. With a sigh and a slight shaking of her head, she sat down on the ground, beginning to get their cooking fire ready."


-Effective: You must also get your meaning across, don't drone on, or bring in new topics.

-We know that the rules say to limit one liners, but if you absolutely can't think on anything more to put without the meaning being lost, don't worry about it. Just don't make it a habit to reply with one liners.


Normally these clear up length problems, but if it doesn't try to use similes and metaphors or personification....like a scene with a dying person...if you run out of ideas then put something like...

She held him in her arms, not letting him go, fighting with the angles in front of the mourning moon, she cried as he left her arms, carried into the heavens, his soul shining ever brighter than the sun itself.

...er something like that...


Also when confronting others, in battle you should pm them, and talk about the battle before putting it into action. Remeber the key is communication. You pm each other so on one can over power the other unexpectedly.

Above all, be consistent! If you posted but wanted to change something use the MODIFY BUTTON!!! So you don't 2x, 3x Nx post.

[Zukosfire5]

Some Pointers

RP Guide

This should help...hopefully.

For character profile...

Just fill these out sum them up, and put them in complete sentences and then you'll see!

Name
-For an Avatar-based RP, you need an Asian based name. (Or Inuit would be acceptable for Water Tribers). Behind the Name (behindthename.com) is a great place to go.

Appearance
-Description of Eyes Color
-Description of hair Style (try looking at screencaps from the show to get a good sense of what haristyles are common in your character's nation)
-Description of Body (Weight, height, stature, and etc)
-Noticable markings? (Scar, birthmakr etc)
-Any thing else special

History
-Family
-Family's occupation
-Environment
-Anything happen to your character when (s)he was younger?
-Where your character currently lives
-Your character's current occupation

Personality
-Atittude (Good or bad? Optimist, pessimist, or somewhere in between?)
-Interests
-Dreams, hopes, and goals
-Hobbies

Helpful Hints of Horyo!

Just to help making profiles. I'll build on this as I go along.


Dangers:

Being too closely related to a canon main character. This can be costly, unless you're an extremely good rper who can fabricate their character into the Canon character's life without messing up the story of the actualy show.

I doubt many of us here can do it.


Bending limits.

Aside from Katara, Aang, Zuko, Azula (especially her), and Toph. Most characters around their age (12-17) shouldn't be expert benders, they should be, at best, mediocre, unless you have a good reason to back this up. And even then, they shouldn't have the makings of a master at age 12.

4-10: Beginner

11-17: Student

17-26: Mediocre

26-54: Skilled

54+: Master.


That is the most lenint scale for skills I can think of. However you don't have to be 54 and up to be a master, like I said good story=many exceptions. So sometimes you might have to go between some years for a particular skill level.


Another way of avoiding Sue/Stues is to basically leave mob mentality behind and not be a bender. Be someone who can't bend but can be of some help, an actual doctor instead of a healer, a swordsguy, an archer, a thief, an engineer, or just some average job, unless you can make the bending story good.


Background help

I've noticed many people struggle with background issues, too little detail, vagueness etc.

Well...

Questions to ask:

Who were his parents? Jobs, lifestyle, conditions, wealth?
IF significant what was important about his birth?
What was his childhood like? Ages 1-12

What were his preadolescent-adolescent years like? 13-18
How did he mature from childhood?
How did he chagne?

What was his aduilt life like? 18 and up to whatever age you are.
How did he change from his teens.
How is he influential to others? Doesn't need to be at all.

And throughout his life, when was his epiphany and how dramatically did it affect him?

Any dead ancestors that are noteworthy?
Any relatives noteworthy?

Skills?
Hobbies?
Interests?
Dislikes?
Dreams?

[Zukosfire5]

Here is an example of a profile accepted on the first try. (Please note that it is a prewar Airbender, and not an Airbender that lives during current canon time. )


Example of a Bad Profile

[/b]
(and how it was made better)


The following profile was Horyo's first RP character here on DH

Bad Profile.

(DON'T DO THIS!)[/center]

Horyo. (Was all in his name....)[/i]

Age: 24

Bender: Water, master. (Detection, Sue Alert, age 24 and a master?! Highly unlikely, give a few more years - 6-20 - for him to advance) Can blood bend. (Oh gawd, don't get me started...)

Appearence: Young and slim, strong body that is durable to many attacks. He has white hair (!!!)[/i] shaped into long spikes and arranged messily. His eyes are a deep blue reflecting the ocean waters of his home. (I don't think he had any scars)

(Young slim and strong? Eh...overused, I know we've seen some good shaped characters and yea they can look good, but don't overdo it. White hair? Sorry buster, Yue's priveledge not yours. Also, I need to add more information if I were to turn this in.)

Personality: He is a great leader, but usually tries to stay alone. Horyo is very serious and always calculates the best plan of action. He uses water/bloodbending very violently but his morals dictate against that kind of bending. With people Horyo is quiet and commanding, he is able to persuade people into assisting him or doing some task.

(Ok, so many mistakes. Great leader but likes to be alone...Erm..Contrast much? Also with the water/bloodbending and morals. Now the calculating part is fine I guess, but you can't always determine every little aspect in a battle and be as strong as you are. Unless you're old...but then you'd have disadvantages as well, that is why this isn't very suitable for this age. Persuasion? Blah, that's horrid, and seems unfair since you can take down NPCs.)[/i]

History: I don't remember much but I'll see what I can pull out... Condensed so sorry ^^;;[/i]

Born in the Northern Water Tribe to Merchant parents who were later killed in the war. He was trained by master Pakku at a very young age. Later on he was expelled and banished from the water tribes for stealing a scroll on bloodbending, he now lives his life virtuously. His other master was taken by the Fire Nation and tortured, until his later death in a diner. He gave Horyo a five-point spear made out of a very rare crystal.

(Oookkaayyy....Dead parents, overused but understandable since it IS a war. But I never specified what merchants they were - imports/exports or just shopkeeprs - and thus their death could be accepted or badly rejected.

Trained by master Pakku at an early age? Psshaw, as if. Pakku only accepts the best, or those who show talent, I think there are other masters as well who teach waterbending.

Stealing a scroll for bloodbending. Two problems: Bloodbending does not exists, neither does the scroll, and stealing. I never staed that he would steal, or why he did steal it. Plus bloodbending=big no-no.

Virtuous life? Didn't I say he was violent? Other Master, taken by the fire nation ya-da ya-da ya-da. Well, that is like a mary sue losing someone (as always) and they vow vengence.

Also the five-point spear thing was a lame idea, why couldn't it be a normal spear? Why does it have to be special?)[/i]

Horyo's more acceptable profile. Not perfect but you'll see the difference.

[/center]
Name: Horyo Nakara

Age: 25

Gender: Male

Bender: Waterbending--Above Average, prestages of advance, but not master or advanced.

Nation: Water Tribes-Northern

Appearence: His hair is a dark brown--black almost--messy and uncombed short clumps except for the small ponytail on the back of his head. Horyo has dark blue eyes, matching the ocean. His skin is a light tan, he acquired this from traveling. He has a lean structure about 5'10'', body fat not visible or shown by clothing, and small muscles lined his body, not developed fully (He weighs 145 lbs.). He has wide lips, usually large when smiling.

In the cold wintertime, he wears a large blue parka, small furry fluffs of white lined the ends. In front of the parka was a water tribe symbol, and on back was his waterbending symbol.

During casual times when cold was hardly an issue, he wore a short-sleeved blue tunic, and a dark blue sash on his waist. His pants were roomy and also had the same color as the sash. He has black gauntlents at the end of his forearms, they were made of leather. His shoes were small leather wears, black and able for any form of travel.

Personality: Horyo is reserved and calm, an air of lazines usually tugged at people near him. In normal matters and affairs he shrugs it off, but when it came to matters of interest, like bending--or girls--Horyo was always sharp and alert. To his dismay, he is successful in only one of those two choices. When motivated or inspired, Horyo can become excited an perform certain tasks with very greta vigor and spirit. In fights, which he usually avoids, he works on using the opponent's body against them, somehow causing them to meet their own demise. In other cases, Horyo would use waterbending to fend off the enemy, then try to disable them, before doing anything rash and idiotic.

He is also very loud-mouthed, and horrible at keeping secrets: one time he told an engaged girl that her husband had seen and is still seeing other women. Also, he avoids trying to get involved in other people's affiars, but feels it is best when it may benefit him or when he is hindered in some way by this. Though not as reliable when it came to doing something: he weighted the benefits and costs, Horyo is a loyal comrade and trustworthy friend.

History: Born in the Northern Water Tribe to a noble family, he was immediately raised to become a warrior like his father. But his mother hoped that he would be a bender, and already started to arrange plans for his years ahead. At the age of eight, he began to show signs of waterbending-capabilities, moving a small whisp of water around in a puddle. He was immediately brought to Pakku who looked at him and approved he could be a studnet--in two years.

In those two years, he was taught how to fight, bender or not, his father ensured that he would be a mighty warrior. His mother, a healer, tuaght him how to move water--even she knew the basics. He did so and gradually improved from hsi crude movements. His actions became smoother and his waterbending became prettier. THey brought him to Pakku's class and he was tested instantly.

Horyo had not been the only one there to be tested; many others stood in fear or excitement for their tests.

His test was to battle another lad. A cocky 12-year-old who wanted to show off to the teacher and audience. Horyo moved the water in a small spherical shape and launched it at his opponent, who was starting to panic at the relentless attacks, while still trying to look pretty. Horyo countered and maneuvered his way through the other boy's ice chunks. He skated through the frozen floor and tripped the other boy, by sending water under his feet. Unfortunetly he skated too fast and after tripping the boy, fell into the fountain where he was frozen.

The boy's parents were already shaking Master Pakku's hands when the boy made an attempt to shoot an ice chunk at him. Horyo still had water in his mouth from the fall, and forced it out of his mouth at such a high pressure from waterbending that it deflected the ice chunk and knocked the other boy down.

Master Pakku, after all the matches had been made, said that onone had passed his test. They looked at him, stnned, and then he began to explain that they were too weak, and to come back another year.

Horyo later came up to Master Pakku and asked him why for his decision, he only answered saying that they were too weak. He started to ask something, and simultaenously a different voice said teh same thing: "Please tell me my mistakes."

Master Pakku smiled and told them that they had passed, and that the only way they win was together, showing each other's strengths and weaknesses, and being able to ask for help.

It wasn't until he was 16 did he recieve teaching from master Pakku. Because the test was originally made to show them their weaknesses and to help them focus it later on.

Through the years of training and battling, Horyo's mind also sharpened as he began to memorize countries and scrolls and of the like. At age 23, he officially graduated Pakku's school, and that there was nothing more to teach, but infinetly more to learn. He was planning on leaving the North to learn more about the world, his curiosity sparked from readings.

At first his father disapproved but he convinced him that he was going to learn new ways of fighting. His mother supported his leave with sadness, but happiness as well.

He accepted this, and a reward for his work: A scroll of secrets to Waterbending.

From his father he recieved a Machette and a water tribe club.

From his mother: A map of the world and an elastic but tight waterskin--custom-made.

With this he set out on his journey around the world to discover the new wonders.

[Horyo]

I don't think my profile was all that great even in the second turnabout D: