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Post by connoryves on Jun 21, 2007 13:31:11 GMT -5
update?
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Post by The Crystal [Hope] Catacombs on Jun 21, 2007 18:37:44 GMT -5
Update coming soon! Sorry it's taking so long.
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Post by theweasleyboys on Jun 23, 2007 22:40:05 GMT -5
...Maybe Zuko should let them in on that little secret about how AZULA ALWAYS LIES...? XD Even though I don't particularly like this character, I'm still reading this story and waiting to see what happens next. More, please!
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Post by The Crystal [Hope] Catacombs on Jul 7, 2007 13:46:34 GMT -5
CHAPTER ELEVEN
My secret smile nearly broke the surface as the Avatar nodded approvingly at my little "I want peace" speech. He believed me, just like I had planned. He was a monk, after all. Peace, kindness, innocence, those were the things that would allow me to gai his trust.
Of course, I was neither peaceful, kind, nor innocent. For others, that might have proved to be an issue. It seems that I, however, have a knack for acting. The silly boy was falling for all my tricks, believing my every word. It was almost too easy.
We stood around a merchant's cart, which was selling fine jewelry, while we waited for the girls to return. It had valuables from all three existing nations. The Avatar was gazing at some Water Tribe necklaces without much interest. I was about to ask him if he'd rather go ahead and let Ty Lee and Mai catch up when I something caught my eye.
On the far corner of the display, a ring sparkled. I tried it on to get a better a look. It was a gold band, with an onyx jewel in the shape of a tiny flame. It was lovely.
As a princess, I was used to getting what I wanted. And I wanted that ring. For a moment, I forgot where I was and what I was supposed to be doing. I started to sneak the ring into the pocket on the inside of my tunic.
"You're not going to steal that, are you?" the Avatar said suddenly.
"No," I answered, thinking quickly. I pulled a small cloth from my pocket. "I was just going to brush the dust off of it."
"Oh," he said, eyeing me suspiciously. I dusted the ring softly, looking at it longingly. I was royalty. That ring should be mine if I wanted it. I set it back down just as Ty Lee came bounding towards me, with Mai in tow.
"The boys want us to have tea with them. Can we go?" she asked. Mai looked agonized, but I had the feeling she wanted to go, subconciously.
"Yes, girls, go on. Meet by the former upper ring in a half hour, agreed?" Ty Lee nodded her head happily, then dragged Mai away yet again. I turned to the boy. "So, what would you like to do while the girls are out having fun?"
"Well... there is this zoo that I created. I kinda want to see how it's doing," he told me hesitantly. My instinct was to wrinkle my nose and protest, but I knew I had to let him do what he wanted.
"I don't see why not," I replied. He beamed at me.
"Great! Come on, it's this way!" He lead me through the city until we reached the wall that seperated the city from it's wall of defence. Between the outer and inner wall, a large zoo crafted from earth spread out over the grass. People were milling around, pointing at the unusual animals and feeding the ones gentle enough to touch. Each creature had it's own section of the zoo, a nice little habitat.
"Oh my," I commented, not sure if it was from disgust as small children put their fingers in their mouths after petting the animals or if I was simply amazed by the design of the zoo facilities.
"Isn't it great?" he asked, turning to me.
"You made this?" I asked instead, not answering his question.
"Yup," he said proudly.
"I'm impressed," I told him. And surprisingly, I was a bit impressed. It wasn't everyday you saw talent and skill like that. To create such a beautiful place single-handedly was a feat to be admired. I found myself enjoying the zoo. Although the animals smelled and ate way to much, the construction was rather astounding. I even went so far as to think that perhaps the Avatar could someday create a new palace for me when I ruled the Fire Nation.
"Avatar Aang! Look, Mommy, it's the Avatar!" children began to shout. Soon people were approaching us. He calmly answered questions, demonstrated his bending, and played with the kids. I watched, silently fuming that I was the princess, and that I should be the one being fawned over. It bothered me that he could act so nicely when so many people were shouting questions and children tugged at his hands and clothes.
Finally, the crowd dispersed a bit. He rejoined my side, wiping a drop of sweat from his face. "Wow, that was weird. Usually people don't make that big a deal of me," he said modestly.
"Well, Avatar, you created this place. Everyone knows it," a man interrupted.
"Oh, hello Mr. Zookeeper. How've you been?" he asked the man.
"Things have been great ever since you helped me out. And who is this beautiful girl?" he commented, looking me up and down. I forced a friendly smile. His grin was missing teeth, but I controlled myself and didn't cringe.
"This is my friend..."
"Himeka," I finished. The Avatar gave me a funny look, but I ignored it and continued smoothly. "This is a wonderful place you've got running."
"Thanks, but it's the little guy's masterpiece," the zookeeper answered pointedly. I smiled down at the boy, pretending to admire him greatly.
"Well, we'd best be going. Nice meeting you, sir," I said, leading the Avatar out of the zoo. We walked in silence for a while, on our way to meet up with the girls by the palace.
"Why did you lie about your name?" he asked after a few moments.
"I need to keep my cover. It's true that most people don't know about the Fire Nation government, but those who do would know me right away. I was named after my grandfather. If they find out I'm here... they might kill me," I replied softly, feigning fear. In my mind, I laughed at my own words. I feared nothing.
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tyleefreak
Haru
"it's almost like we're dancing"
Posts: 329
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Post by tyleefreak on Jul 8, 2007 11:45:31 GMT -5
i only read the last chapter, but its great well written, exciting..
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Post by yasudaratsu on Jul 8, 2007 13:06:06 GMT -5
Thanks for your comments, input is always welcome
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Post by connoryves on Jul 8, 2007 19:24:42 GMT -5
I LOVE IT. MORE!
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Post by healingman on Jul 9, 2007 18:50:11 GMT -5
Excellent, I'm still reading it and I would love to read more. Btw when are we going to see some Azulaang action hmmm?
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Post by yasudaratsu on Jul 9, 2007 18:56:07 GMT -5
Thanks for reading, and don't worry that hopefully won't take too long
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Post by theweasleyboys on Jul 10, 2007 9:45:30 GMT -5
*Applauds wholeheartedly* Another great installment! Azula is still at the top of her deceitful game, and poor Aang is as friendly as ever...*hugs her Avatar plushie* This can only end in tears, but at least it could also include one of her own lightning strikes shoved back in her face! XD More, please!
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Post by The Crystal [Hope] Catacombs on Jul 10, 2007 18:53:19 GMT -5
Thanks everybody for reading! Hopefully, there will be action soon, but we gotta build it up, y'know? Every reader comment gets karma!!!
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Ilise
Buzzard Wasp
w00t, it's Jun
Posts: 503
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Post by Ilise on Jul 11, 2007 22:11:57 GMT -5
Ooh, Azula will surely feel remorse eventually, eh? Poor Aang, tricked and stuff. Good job with Azula's inner emotions. However, maybe a few more paragraphs of description? What I've seen is really good and I want more... *winning smile*
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ryanj27
Haru
Icon by Sokka gets no respect
Posts: 315
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Post by ryanj27 on Jul 13, 2007 19:44:39 GMT -5
^The only things I would consider editing are the "Suspiciously"/"Inconspicuously" mix up, and the continuity error with Suki. Also, I went back and read through Chapter Eight yesterday. Kiss (Azula + Aang) = No. I'm sorry, but isn't this the same Azula that nearly ended the Reincarnation Cycle? The same Azula that nearly killed Aang? Good La, there is absolutely no way they would share something that intimate (Well, not really "share", since Azula initiated it) this early. Hell, I'm pretty sure Aang would still be on the subject of trying to forgive her for nearly ending his life. Other than that, Chapters 6 - 8 were much better than the previous ones. Didn't see any major grammatical or spelling errors, and the dialogue was pretty well-done, almost believable. azula kissed him? was there an edit or am i missing something?
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avatar:tla-lover
Meng
candybender ;) Avatar also made by Princess Yue!
Posts: 250
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Post by avatar:tla-lover on Jul 15, 2007 13:42:49 GMT -5
Okay, so I've been reading all chapters including the comments for my comment. @crystal: First of all, I have to say that you have been putting much effort in your story and you were trying to apply the advice of others in your story. That's a big thing already, since some people get mad if the poster gives criticism (or even constructive critics!) *Karma*Secondly, I have to agree with fuhror about the part with the Suki thing. Chapter four seemed a little rushed. However I think so-so about the following quote of Fuhror: First of all, STOP REGURGITATING PHRASES FROM THE SHOW. That wasn't directed solely at you, but there's so many people that reuse things that were already said in the show in their fan fictions. "Twinkletoes", "Sugar Queen", "Idea Guy" (Which is what you used), I'm sure the Gaang has the creativity to make up more than that.The reason why I think this is because those phrases identify the character, even tough we already know who they are. Coming up with something else, is something I do agree with, however, the chance of making the character OCC by that is quite big. (unless you have good imagination, which I think you do have, however, since the post of fuhror wasn't only about you and also other posters, I'll just say it.) Of course you don't have to add that much, but Toph called Aang twinkletoes several times since the Blind Bandit. So I feel quite good about those phrases, as long as it doesn't happen too much. For instance, Toph called Sokka 'Idea Guy', while she didn't call him by that and Katara/Aang always call him like that. Conclusion: It didn't actually matter to me. It was good that Toph said 'Idea Guy' to Sokka, because she never did. Eventually Toph's line about Sokka throwing the map to her was an all timer IMHO Thirdly, I'd like to see more of the others besides Aang and Azula. Ofcourse this is a Azulaang fanfic, but the others play an important role as well IMO. For example, Ty Lee (and Mai as well actually) wanted to say 'hi' to Zuko. We don't know if that happened. And later when Azula got up, she told them to wake him up (So I assume, the girls didn't say 'hi' to Zuko) And magically the three are in the room... I mean, I'd like to see more of Mai and Zuko (Ty Lee as well) (no, I'm not a Maiko-shipper, I'd like to see more dynamic characters in the story than only Azula and Aang, no offense ) Of course, Aang and Azula changed because of Azula's act. But I'd also like to see how this has affected the others. We know how the GAang thinks of it, but more than a few lines would be appreciated. How does Zuko actually think about it? I mean, it's an act, but they do have to say 'hi' if they see the Gaang because they have to be friendly. Personally, I was also interested in the day of Zuko, Toph, Katara and Sokka. We don't know how that went, because we only have Azula's and Aang's POV. It wasn't that bad, I liked it But I wanted to see how the chemistry was between the others. I'd like to see Zuko and Aang doing something together, or them being accidentally at the same place. This goes for Mai, Ty Lee, Katara, Sokka and Toph as well. This isn't meant offensive and it isn't a 'must', after all, it's an Azulaang fanfic, however, it would be nice to see that besides the whole 'Azula/Aang' thing. I think I made my point here. *sigh* AND FINALLY, I like your story A LOT! The plot twists are great and I'm so hooked to your story. You really made something good out of it. I mean, really Azulaang made me think it was 'different', more weird... but now reading it, makes me feel that there is more to it Good job, an 8/10 *hungry for more* THANK YOU for the PM yasudaratsu, advertising the story makes me notice a story earlier than actually search for it... @tophstoil: Yes, I think this was editted... after reading the other posts, I've come to that conlusion.
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Post by yasudaratsu on Jul 15, 2007 14:19:53 GMT -5
Thank you for reading and for your comments . We will try to work out in those aspects and dedicate more time to the work.*karmas*
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