Tera253
Gran Gran
In Soviet Russia, post writes you
Posts: 588
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Post by Tera253 on Sept 15, 2008 18:50:53 GMT -5
I didn't really see any sue traits in any of them... except since I assume that those four are teachers, I'd recommend making them a year or two older (particularly the fire one)
so... a reluctant avatar, huh? I actually like the concept of that. and she seems pretty balanced... master at healing, still learning bending--fits because of the Northern Water tribe-ness.
so yeah, I think you're good to go. ~Tera~
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manzai
Toph
Everybody have fun tonight! Everybody Wang Fire tonight!
Posts: 152
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Post by manzai on Sept 15, 2008 19:55:15 GMT -5
I remember when you submitted Nanise to one of the OC contests, and I remember that I thought she was very interesting. Although your story sort of reminds me of the story I'm working on now, so I may be biased.
I have to say I really like that you say she believes in the traditions she was raised under. Female waterbender characters almost always disagree with the NWT traditions, and although that doesn't make them Sues or anything, having a character like Nanise shows a lot more insight to the real world, I feel.
I'd say all your characters are fine. I don't think there's anything wrong with Kandi's name. All the profiles are a little short though, and I think that makes the characters seem a little...what's the right word...broadly-drawn, i guess. But that doesn't make them bad or sues by any means. Even if you were to post again with longer profiles, it probably wouldn't provide much more insight because a character being a Sue depends on overall execution in the story. So you don't need to post more information, because I can tell from your profiles that you're taking the characters seriously and have put effort into them.
Still, if you don't mind explaining and if it doesn't give away anything important to the story, I'd like to know what you mean when you say Nanise has to "save the world from her own mistake." I assume that's the main conflict of the story, so I'd like to get an idea of the story's direction. Actually though, I may just be asking that to satisfy my own curiosity. Oh yeah, and what is NaNoWriMo?
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Kali Gargoyle
Warrior Sokka
Yes, I know OC shipping is lame. XD
Posts: 730
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Post by Kali Gargoyle on Sept 15, 2008 22:47:39 GMT -5
@tera: Pavana and Renjiro aren't really supposed to be her bending teachers, they just tag along. They're there to teach her things about life. And be her friends and support group. manzai: I admit, I haven't gotten my characters fully developed yet, since I do a bulk of that during my writing. You know, like how real people grow with experience. Feels more organic to me. I also didn't want to bore people with long profiles, or give away the "big surprises". Things like quirks will be more likely to pop up as I write. The main conflict is caused by Nanise's rush to "finish" her Avatar training. While learning about the spiritual side of being the Avatar, traveling to the Spirit World, she unwitting provides an escape route for a malevolent spirit bent on gaining power, who also targets Nanise's family. Honestly, I'm a little stuck on exactly how'd he go about taking over. At first I thought, he could create a new bending, throwing the balance out of whack and giving a new dynamic to the fights (this new element would, of course, disappear when the spirit's defeated), but I'm having trouble coming up with a realistic "fifth element". Metal is part of Earthbending, wood sounds promising but it's hard to visualize (plus the unintentional jokes *cringes*,) and spirit is an Avatar thing. Other "fifth elements" I've seen make me twitch. He could give all his little minions "lost" bending knowledge of more violent bending moves, pitting them against Nanise and friends. He could simply manipulate the politics of nations, threatening to cause wars. It'll probably be up in the air until I actually write it. NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month (see The Site.) Taking place in November, the goal is to write a 50,000 "novel" in those 30 days (or rather, the first draft of one.) I told myself I'd write this fan fic after the series ended, and since November was only a few months away, I figured I'd do it for NaNoWriMo, in hopes that would give me enough motivation to actually do it. I'm doing general plotting and research right now, and I'm leaning towards basing Healing on principles of Qi Gong and accupressure.
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Post by Avatar:The Dawning Of Darkness on Sept 20, 2008 6:47:18 GMT -5
Name: Shen. Gender: Male Age: 20 Nation: Earth Kingdom. Bender/Skill level: All 4 elements/Very highly skilled Hair: Long dark brown hair with several white streaks. Eyes: Bright green. Personality: Doesnt like following orders other than his own or from the great spirits, He can be cruel. History: He was one of the two first avatars ever created, the other was the light avatar, he was the dark avatar. He was banished to a forgotten realm of darkness by a light avatar and his sages. He returned when Aang was killed in the avatar state by azula at book 2's end. Check out the fanfic to learn more about the Dark Avatar distanthorizons.proboards31.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=fic&thread=20670&page=1
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manzai
Toph
Everybody have fun tonight! Everybody Wang Fire tonight!
Posts: 152
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Post by manzai on Sept 21, 2008 20:27:51 GMT -5
Kali: Thanks for letting me know about NaNoWriMo. It sounds really interesting. I'm sure your characters will be good when you can write it fully. Again, it's like I say: these profile things are limiting. But yeah, you're good.
Thedarkavatar: I didn't want to like your character, because this "dark avatar" idea has been done several times, and usually poorly. But I read your story, and there really is something poetic about your style, in terms of diction and stuff. You seem like you have genuine ability to write. (But you did misspell a few words and you formatted it as a wall of text. You really need to break it into paragraphs. Readers hate walls of text). However, talking about this character and disregarding other factors, it's not so much that the character is bad really, but it lacks "character." In other words, we get a sense of what he is, but not who he is. I haven't seen much abut his personality yet.
Actually, I don't know why people post characters that are spirits or supernatural like that. In almost every case a super-powerful spirit or avatar character is going to be a sue. The whole point of spirits/the avatar is that they have powers far beyond what normal people have, which is a sue trait. But since that is the very point of those characters, it's not wrong to make them overpowered. However--and when I say this I'm assuming the Dark Avatar is the top, most powerful antagonist in the story and that he serves a role like Ozai or Emperor Palpatine, so if that's not the case I guess I'm wrong--but even though it's okay to have a character in the story, since they're usually beyond redemption or any sort of change, they usually don't make good main characters or viewpoint characters. Vewpoint characters don't have to be good guys, but they do need to be dynamic. But I can't tell what you're going for with the character yet anyway, so if Shen's role in the story turns out to be a different sort of thing I could be wrong. I mean, to be perfectly honest, even reading the story doesn't tell me enough about the character to say anything significant about it. I'm basically abstaining, rather than giving the character an actual bad review. So in summary, just be warned: villains are usually hard to write as viewpoint characters or main characters, and a "dark avatar" story is usually hard to do well.
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Post by cougarwildclaw on Oct 6, 2008 15:33:48 GMT -5
name: Nashk the mountain sage.
nations: None/spirit realm
parents:At one point, can't remember them.
bender: Technically no, but very attuned to the earth.
eyes:Emerald green
hair: Grey and unkempt.
wears:A worn, green, Shan wen kia, or "mountain pattern Armour."
height: 6'1"
weapon: Kwan Dao
skill level: Has lived for as long as any spirit can remember, has had plenty of time to practice and master his fighting style.
flaws: He is an extremely pompous and arrogant. Has a huge temper, quick to butt heads over anything he disagrees with. Is rather old, and thus his memory has suffered. He lost his left eye in a battle long past, causing depth perception problems. A long, long time ago he fell in love with a human girl... His heart was broken and now he never wishes to face the same pain again.
Siblings: A huge group of spirits who occasionally visit him in his mountain home, The oldest of which are Chen Yun, yun chen, and Lu Nah, triplet water spirits who dwell in the mountain mist.
History:Many years ago, before the land was strife with war and chaos, There was a spirit who made his home high up in the mountains, where neither man or spirit bothered him.
For many years he kept a constant vigil over the mountain, with only the occasional bandit or two roaming into his realm. All was peaceful in his land, and he was respected by all who lived within. The small village below him gave him annual tribute, holding festivals in his honor. Resident spirits deffered to him for protection. Order strived and spread.
However one day a young geologist discovered precious metals while exploring the mountain side. Excited by such a discovery he quickly spread word to many cities in the earth kingdom. Causing a massive mining operation to be launched upon Nashk's mountain home.
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Post by jesusfreak444 on Oct 9, 2008 9:03:41 GMT -5
What does OC mean? Sorru for the stupid interuption...
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Tera253
Gran Gran
In Soviet Russia, post writes you
Posts: 588
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Post by Tera253 on Oct 9, 2008 9:33:55 GMT -5
OC stands for Original Character, ie: a character that a fan has created that is not part of the official avatar show. ~Iroh~
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Post by jesusfreak444 on Oct 9, 2008 23:12:20 GMT -5
name: Nashk the mountain sage. nations: None/spirit realm parents:At one point, can't remember them. bender: Technically no, but very attuned to the earth. eyes:Emerald green hair: Grey and unkempt. wears:A worn, green, Shan wen kia, or "mountain pattern Armour." height: 6'1" weapon: Kwan Dao skill level: Has lived for as long as any spirit can remember, has had plenty of time to practice and master his fighting style. flaws: He is an extremely pompous and arrogant. Has a huge temper, quick to butt heads over anything he disagrees with. Is rather old, and thus his memory has suffered. He lost his left eye in a battle long past, causing depth perception problems. A long, long time ago he fell in love with a human girl... His heart was broken and now he never wishes to face the same pain again. Siblings: A huge group of spirits who occasionally visit him in his mountain home, The oldest of which are Chen Yun, yun chen, and Lu Nah, triplet water spirits who dwell in the mountain mist. History:Many years ago, before the land was strife with war and chaos, There was a spirit who made his home high up in the mountains, where neither man or spirit bothered him. For many years he kept a constant vigil over the mountain, with only the occasional bandit or two roaming into his realm. All was peaceful in his land, and he was respected by all who lived within. The small village below him gave him annual tribute, holding festivals in his honor. Resident spirits deffered to him for protection. Order strived and spread. However one day a young geologist discovered precious metals while exploring the mountain side. Excited by such a discovery he quickly spread word to many cities in the earth kingdom. Causing a massive mining operation to be launched upon Nashk's mountain home. while hes not a gary stu, he needs some editing. We dont need another orphan! geez! What is happening to all these parents? every single character that ANYONE EVER creates is an orphan! AHHHHH! Other than that looks ok. K thanks
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Post by cougarwildclaw on Oct 10, 2008 17:17:56 GMT -5
He is not an orphan really. He has parents, its just after a certain amount of time passed he forgot about them.
I did that mostly because I am unsure of how spirit families work. I am thinking over ways to change that.
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Post by jesusfreak444 on Oct 10, 2008 17:29:54 GMT -5
well even still. there are so many "orphan" like characters, that it just gets boring and unoriginal. One thing i really do like how he's a human-y sort of spirit. thats cool.
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Kali Gargoyle
Warrior Sokka
Yes, I know OC shipping is lame. XD
Posts: 730
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Post by Kali Gargoyle on Oct 10, 2008 20:40:27 GMT -5
Having a character be an orphan might be a little overdone, but it's not exactly out of place in this series. Unlike other series, which have a more peaceful setting, Avatar takes place during a war, so orphans are to be expected. Personally, I wouldn't consider it a red flag unless it's overplayed. (*thinks* Actually, I don't think I have any orphan characters.)
I think Nashk is very interesting. Pretty original, actually.
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Post by jesusfreak444 on Oct 10, 2008 22:29:53 GMT -5
yeah, he is pretty cool. Ive never thought of that type of character before. But can we both agree that there are SO MANY orphan characters? It gets pretty annoying...
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Kali Gargoyle
Warrior Sokka
Yes, I know OC shipping is lame. XD
Posts: 730
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Post by Kali Gargoyle on Oct 10, 2008 23:01:35 GMT -5
Yeah, there certainly are. I think some make their characters orphans just to gain them pity-points, thinking that it would give their character depth. Or they just don’t want to deal with creating the family members. XD
Of course, the ones who don’t quite manage it kinda ruin it for those who can pull it off well. *sigh*
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Post by cougarwildclaw on Oct 10, 2008 23:19:05 GMT -5
I agree there are way too many orphans, I jsut simply do not know how family works for spirits. For all I know spirits dont even have family. :/ IF they do they do not show it in the show. @jesusfreak- I was wondering what would happen if some of the spirits in the avatar would be just a tad less in control of there emotions. So I figured I would experiment with a more stubborn and down to earth kind of spirit. Doesnt care about much outside his mountian home. No war, now strife, just the mountain mist. Kali- With war comes the inevitable consequences, orphans are among that. Though storywise it can be a bit tiring if they do not focus on how that affected the character outside of "Boohoo mommy and daddy are dead! I must either save the world or be emo!" P.S. I like your sig Kali. XD
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