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Post by thiylan on May 2, 2006 20:28:46 GMT -5
I thought I would make a thread for those people who aren't sure about their OC's and want to see what other people think of them. Post your OC's bio with everything about them that you think people ought to know. Everyone else: you take a look at the characters and judge to see if you think the character is Mary Sue/Gary Stu, or ridiculously close on the border. Give constructive critisism or whatever you want to say about the OC's. I guess I'll start.
name: Thiylan nations: Earth/Fire parents: Earth Kingdom General(father); Fire Nation spy (mother) bender: no eyes: green hair: jet black and braided into long thin braids halfway down her back held back with a black piece of cloth wears: dark, faded green pants and old fire army boots; several layers of black and green shirts along with a big brown overcoat height: 4' 8" weapon: a long sword with a deadly curve; used to be her mother's skill level: ridiculously high flaws: She can't go for more than 5 hours with out food intake otherwise she'll black out. She's headstrong and won't back down, even if it's 10:1 and she can't win. She'll do anything for her friends, even if it means putting herself in danger when a much easier solution could be reached. She is unable to have children. Siblings: An elder brother named Fikono. History: When Thiylan was born, her father, Xeombe, had just found out that her mother, Thyhoven, was from the Fire Nation. Instead of killing Thyhoven right off the bat, he decided to make her life and the lives of her two children, Thiylan and Fikono, living nightmares. When Thiylan was four, an animal demon possessed her body, and caused her to start eating a lot more than a young child would. She also developed an odd accent that made her voice hard to understand. She constantly had the demon, Nikita's, voice in the back of her head. When she was twelve and Fikono fourteen, Xeombe murdered their mother. Thiylan ran away from her home while Fikono was still with their dad. She moved from place to place until she found a small village where she found a circle of friends. They were from three different nations, each of them different. One was a professional dancer and a month older than her, one was a retired Earth Admiral who was denounced a murderer. The other was a Fire Nation noble who left his home long ago.
Okay, that was really long, but please don't let this die on the first post.
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Gotterdammerung
Casual Zuko
sorry. i'm fresh out of the ability to care.
Posts: 969
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Post by Gotterdammerung on May 2, 2006 23:44:50 GMT -5
Yes. She's a Mary Sue.
1) Your username is the same as the character's: first indication of a self-insert.
2) Mixed heritage when we have yet to ever hear of such on the show. Not saying it's impossible, but the story of a Fire Nation spy who managed to infiltrate all the way up to an Earth Kingdom general is complicated and exceptional enough that you would have to work to sell it all own its own much less just as backstory in passing for your character.
3) Your description of her appearance is excessive and over-precise. The appearance itself is anomalous when compared to how people on the show actually look. Both classic signs of a Mary Sue. Also, the overcoat is anachronistic.
4) "Ridiculously high" skill level with a sword.
5) Half of her flaws are not actual flaws, but rather personality traits that could easily be considered admirable by most. She won't back down? She'll put herself in danger for her friends? Real flaws would be she's antagonistic, so she picks fights or she puts herself in danger when there's an easier way because she's not very smart. Being unable to have children is not a personality flaw and calling it such is very near to being offensive. And being unable to go without food for more than five hours is a weakness of her condition, which is not her fault and thus does not count as a flaw of hers.
6) Abusive childhood.
7) She's been possesed by a demon despite the fact that we've never even heard of there being a such thing as demons on the show as far as I can recall and neither have we ever heard of anyone being possessed by a spirit with the exception of the Avatar since he's the carrier of the Avatar Spirit.
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storybookgirl
Hakoda
Zutarian Ambassador
Mom, I will try to, try hard to make you proud of your boy. (icon by Gotterdammerung)
Posts: 1,939
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Post by storybookgirl on May 3, 2006 2:13:41 GMT -5
^ Eh, sorry, I don't have anything to add to what Gotter said...
Okay, here's mine (takes a deap breth):
(NOTE: this is nearly the only character I have ever based upon myself. However, I really worked hard on her and she's almost not me, now. None of the other characters in her story are based upon myself. Also, she isn't completely the main character in the story, either.)
Name: Ana (pronounced Anna) (Yeah, it's not Asian, it's Latin, but it just seemed to fit so much better than any other name. And no, my name isn't even close to Anna or Ana, nor would I ever want to change my name to that.) Age: newly 16 Nation: Earth Kingdom. Looks: Her skin is somewhat pale. Has dark brown hair that is most always worn down. Her it is wavy, a little frizzy, and despite her best efforts, is most always tangly. Her hair falls to her waiste. Eyes are hazel-y green. Her looks seem slightly exotic and her features are not ugly, but she is not exactly beautiful. Body type: Ana is almost unnattractively skinny. She has a little muscle, but not that much. She is also very flat chested. It is thought by some that because she is so slim that she may not be able to have children. Past: Ana had a very happy childhood. Her father was an Earth Kingdom noble and her uncle, on her mother's side, was a general. She had an older brother, older sister, and a younger brother. Bao, Ana's sister, had originally been meant to marry Daisuke, one of the heirs to the Earth Kingdom throne (hey, Bumi's old, he has to have an heir. Daisuke, as I have it now (I might change it) is Bumi's nephew, whether by marriage or otherwise. Daisuke also had an older brother.). However, Bao fell in love with a man in the military who would soon be promoted to General or Luitenant(sp) (Luitenant is right under General, yes?). It was decided that this was a good match, so Ana (at age twelve) became betrothed to Daisuke.
Ana was sent with her nurse to visit Daisuke and meet him for the first time. Daisuke, at the time, was sixteen. When they (Ana, her nurse, and the soldiers that accompanied them for safety) returned/were returning home, they found that it had been destroyed by the Fire Nation. Bodies lay everywhere, most unrecognizable. Ana was taken by the Fire Nation and sold as a slave. The soldiers were killed or taken as prisoners of war. Ana's nurse might have been sold, too, but she "died of shock," though it was probably a heart attack. Ana and the soldiers were the only people from the city/town that had lived because they had been away from home at the time of the attack.
Ana was sold to Earth Kingdom nobles who lived in a town that had been taken by the Fire Nation and was ruled by a Fire Nation general. The nobles were in colaboration with the Fire Nation, probably to save their own skins. Ana, since she had been a noble and the only woman to who lived that was from her city, was treated differently than the other women slaves, though that was not neccissarily a good thing either.
The noble family liked to watch her work various jobs, though few that were outside jobs, since they viewed it as somewhat funny. Ana served Amaya, the nobleman's daughter, watched and tutored the children that lived in the house, cleaned, and served at most meals. When a worker was extremely ill, she was often assigned to the job.
The other slave girls were very jealous and wanted nothing to do with Ana, often acting very cruel. Ana, who had always been shy, soon found herself turning to men, older women (and men), and the children. In this Eath Kingdom city, it was tradition for women slaves to kiss male guests at celebrations or fancy dinners in exchange for a copper coin. Of course, the men could often take women as they pleased, but I'll get to that.
The Fire Nation General Masuyo, who ruled the city, would often be a guest at the noble's. Masuyo was to marry Amaya, though she annoyed him very much. It was arranged because it was thought that the marriage might make the people of the city more willing to be ruled by Masuyo. However, when Masuyo found out that Ana had been a noble, he wanted her as his mistress. It was arranged with the nobleman that Ana served that Ana would be handed over to Masuyo when she turned 16. She was also chosen (instead of it being one of the other girls) because of her skinny figure, since it was guessed that she probably wouldn't bear any unwanted children. To make sure Ana wouldn't give children, the nobleman took her to bed, though he didn't do anything too much, since he liked Ana's personality and felt slightly guilty that she was of his same country. She was also fed a drink, which she later found out was meant to get rid of any baby that might be inside of her (it was kind of cheating on the nobleman's part). (NOTE: I don't know for sure if this kind of drink existed then, I saw it in a very well done movie (yeah, I know it's not an excuse), but I'm pretty sure there were herbs that were supposed to have certain properties.) She was also taken by a Fire Bending Luitenant named Hideaki(again, can't spell), of whom...well, is not the nicest person ever...definitly not. Masuyo almost took her, but decided against it at the last minute. You see, he wanted to hear how well she did for others before he took her himself and the nobles gently reminded him that she was not to be his mistress until she was 16. In truth, the other slave girls were taken all the time, and so viewed Ana as very lucky.
When it was nearing Ana's 16th birthday, Ana and a male friend of hers tried to escape. He was able to, but she was caught and punished. Ana tried to escape again and remained free for three or four days before she was captured again. It was made clear that if she tried to escape a third time, she could be killed. However, Ana saw that if she stayed, her fate would be worse than death and decided to try one last time to escape (it was the night before her birthday).
This is when my story starts.
Personality: Ana was once very quiet, somewhat shy, and was kind of weak. The sites she saw at her destroyed home (need I say) had a powerful affect on her. For about the first year or two of slavery, Ana cried almost every day. She was forced to serve members of her own people and felt absolutely betrayed. Most all the girl slaves refused to be her friends, she had to work hard and be beaten or yelled at if she did not perform a task well or as fast as needed. She was not used to taking care of children, either. However, Ana slowly became much, much stronger in mind and body. She got to know Earth Kingdom soldiers, slaves, and Fire Nation soldiers. A good friend of hers was Fire Nation, in fact, and she learned that not all Fire Nation people were bad and that there were bad people on both sides of the war.
Kenshin (I think his name is), the Fire Nation soldier, "dissappeared" after trying to help her (the Luitenant Hideaki was not being a nice person).
Ana came to love the children more than anything. Ana was even like a second mother to a little girl named Sichi, who was born shortly after Ana became a slave. Ana once tried to save an eight-year-old boy from being whipped to death (they said they wouldn't whip him enough to kill him, but since he was a little boy, Ana knew that he probably wouldn't live), but was held back. Afterwards she was beated so that she couldn't walk. However, though not everything at the nobles was pleasant, Ana did have some good times. Amaya, the nobleman's daughter, was almost (but not quite) a friend despite the difference in class.
Ana lies by saying she is not afraid of anything. She is not easily inimidated anymore and is used to hiding fear. She is also used to faking smiles because of taking care of kids. However, when Ana takes off her fascade, she is still quiet, deep, and slightly shy. She often has nightmares and sometimes talks or screams in her sleep, though supposedly she had "stopped doing that." Ana is used to ignoring the past comepletely. In the story, Ana's past isn't revealed for a long time because she doesn't like talking about it.
Ana has some bruises, a few burns, and a few whip scars (that are on her back), but it doesn't really affect her, or at least, she is used to ignoring them. The only one that is important in the story is the bruise right below her left shoulder. That was given to her by Hideaki and that still hasn't healed. Ana has very high pain tolerance because of slavery, but when someone grabs her by her left shoulder, it really hurts her. This is getting extremely long, so I'll just skip a tiny bit.
Ana loves singing and dancing (things that a noblewoman is always supposed to know.) She is very sarcastic and highly enjoys friendly teasing. Her dream is to have a child or two. If she ever had a boy, she would name him Zohar. If she had a girl, she would name her Sichi (after the girl she was a second mother to). Zohar has been what she has dreamed about and is one of the main things that has kept her going all this time. Names that she sometimes says in her sleep are Zohar, Mohan (the name of her little brother), Taro (her older brother), Sichi, the name of the eight-year-old boy that was killed, and other names of her family.
And I'll stop now became this really is very long...
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Gotterdammerung
Casual Zuko
sorry. i'm fresh out of the ability to care.
Posts: 969
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Post by Gotterdammerung on May 3, 2006 2:57:13 GMT -5
I don't know that she's a Mary Sue, but you're walking a fine line. I think that the character just as a character has a lot of issues, which, in turn, are actually story issues.
Saying that a character is somehow "exotic" is generally a way of trying to have them be attractive without actually having to say that they are, especially when you amend it with "she's not ugly, but she's not exactly beautiful either." Honestly, there's nothing wrong with an OC being pretty and when you go out of your away to avoid saying that it draws more attention to it and makes it seem like you're trying to have it both ways.
The biggest problems for me come in her history and personality. Basically from the moment she's sold into slavery it starts to go downhill. I don't really see why a family of Earth Kingdom nobility would take particular joy in watching her be a slave. There seems to be no real impetus for that so it makes it seem like you're just victimizing her for no reason especially when you add that to all the other slave girls disliking her. The same with the Fire Nation noble deciding that he wants her as his mistress. Why would he want her specifically? Especially if she's very skinny and not particularly pretty. Just the fact that she used to be a noble doesn't seem to be enough because I can't imagine it mattering to him when she's just going to be his concubine. What does he care what her station (or former station) is as long as she pleases him? And as far as them thinking that she would be less likely to get pregnant, I can assure that probably wouldn't matter to them very much. There have been ways of aborting children for as long as women have been getting pregnant. Granted, the reason people come up with things like mysterious herb mixtures (which, hey, fine, I honestly have no problem with that) is because the actual methods used in those times were fairly gruesome. Not to mention that in the case of unwanted children lots of cultures just practiced infanticide. (In fact, that was how adoption worked some places. They'd just leave unwanted babies in the town square and if someone wanted one they'd take them and if not they'd just die of exposure.)
Then comes the issue of how unaffected she seems to be by her multiple sexual assualts. Frankly, I generally disapprove with the use of rape as a plot device in fanfiction unless the author has heavily researched it and is actually going to give it an accurate depiction. An adolescent girl who was raped multiple times after being sold into slavery and having her entire family killed is going to be extremely screwed up in the head. There are a multiple ways that she could be screwed up, but none of them seem to be present in what you describe of her personality.
Also, I find it highly unlikely that in her situation she would be able to befriend anyone from the Fire Nation, especially a boy. It's just unrealistic to me. These are the people who destroyed her home and sold her into slavery and violated her, not to mention are occupying large parts of her country. Also I think you underestimate the likely amount of indoctrination that Fire Nation soldiers would have undergone by the time that they were stationed in a occupied territory when you assume that anyone from the Fire Nation, especially a soldier, would be particularly eager or open to being the friend of a slave girl.
Also what exactly was the injury to her shoulder that it still hurts? Bruises heal. They just do, if it's just a bruise. For it to still be causing her pain it would have to be something far more serious than that.
And with regard to her personality on a basic level I can't quite grasp what you're getting at. You say that she's shy and quiet, but then that she's so fond of friendly teasing and that doesn't quite jive. Also you talk about her putting on a facade but I'm not exactly sure what the facade is.
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storybookgirl
Hakoda
Zutarian Ambassador
Mom, I will try to, try hard to make you proud of your boy. (icon by Gotterdammerung)
Posts: 1,939
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Post by storybookgirl on May 3, 2006 3:17:55 GMT -5
I'm sorry, I see exactly where you're getting at on everything. Ana is messed up in the head. I just don't know how to describe where's she's at and what she's like without writing a scene for an example. Have you seen the movie Quigley Down Under? The lead woman in that is a little bit off in the head and is called crazy, but she isn't insane. That's kind of what Ana starts to become. And the bruise is more than just a bruise. She wasn't able to use that arm at all for a while after getting that injury.
Ana's used to putting on a fascade for the children and so that it doesn't seem like people have broken her, even though they have. The nobleman didn't really do to much to Ana, but Hideaki did.
The nobles like to see Ana around. They have a sense of guilt and the nobleman, his wife, and Amaya all display it in different ways. Ana is not aloud to speak around them unless given permission, but the nobleman is somewhat fond of her because his own daughter is a little proud and katty. Even Masuyo found her annoying.
Ana ... I can't really describe her reaction to when she is around Hideaki or is reminded of him or seeing her destroyed home or anything. I could describe it easily if it were a scene, but I dunno... maybe it's just because it's late right now or something.
But I will take all you've said into consideration. Thanks!
Oh, and when I originally was planning this, Ana didn't get raped or anything. But the thing is, as a slave and all, it wouldn't make sense if she didn't. That's what I'm struggling with.
Ana has a difficult relationship when it comes to men. And her relationship with that Fire Nation soldier, she met him when she was twelve and they had known each other for three to four years since. It wasn't an automatic "Oh, hi! Wanna be my friend!" type thing.
But again, thank you very very much for helping me out! I'll think about all you said and try to change this for the better!
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Gotterdammerung
Casual Zuko
sorry. i'm fresh out of the ability to care.
Posts: 969
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Post by Gotterdammerung on May 3, 2006 4:04:12 GMT -5
I've never seen that movie, no. Sorry. Not trying to pressure you or anything, but being able to describe her mental state in plain terms would probably help you a lot when it comes to actually writing it and understanding it.
Did she dislocate her shoulder? Tear a muscle? I mean, you really have to be specific if you're going to give someone a lasting injury especially when writing an OC because as with most things regarding an OC people will see it as a sign of you just trying to make her special when she has some mysterious, dramatically painful injury that may or may not make any actual medical sense and serves only to, again, victimize her and illicit sympathy.
Define "didn't do too much." You said before that he "took her to bed," I mean even if he didn't actually seal the deal with her, sexual assualt is sexual assault. Even attempted rape has a very extreme impact on a person's psychology. Certainly not anything to be brushed off under any circumstances. And once she was raped it wouldn't JUST be about the actual culprit. It's about feeling powerless and helpless and a fear that is carried around from then on. Especially since she's a slave and not in control of her own fate.
If the nobles feel guilty why would they have her as their slave at all? Why would they keep her around to torment themselves? It seems like since they betrayed their country they wouldn't want any reminder of their transgression running around. Also, the whole thing where the nobleman (and apparently the Fire Nation nobleman as well) likes her better than his daughter is a bit Sueish. You have to watch out for things where you have a character who's set up to be unliked by everyone and so full of faults etc. just to make your character look good.
Sure it would. Just because she's a female slave doesn't mean that she would definitely be raped. It depends on the culture and on the people who own her and how they run their household. Plus, again, if she's not particulaly pretty that would be a boon because people might not take particular notice of her.
I didn't think it was. I was questioning the realism of someone in her situation ever befriending anyone from the Fire Nation. Again, especially a boy since even if she wasn't raped (or before she was) she would surely understand the danger inherent in being noticed by any male above her station. Also, even if she was able to get over it (which I find unlikely) there would still be the issue of the his mindset. I mean he's a soldier in the invading army of an imperialist nation. The only considerations he would be inclined to have about a slave girl from the invaded nation probably wouldn't be related to being her friend.
And this post is really long. And I apologize for the excessive amounts of unsolicited advice if it's bothering you. I have the soul of an editor. It's pretty much my favourite thing in the world to do, but people often find it a bit overwhelming so just let me know and I'll shut up with the running commentary on your story.
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Post by writer on May 3, 2006 7:21:17 GMT -5
Name: Soba Age: 14 Gender: Male Nationaity: Earth Kingdom Bending: Earth
Likes: Earth bending, walking through his caves, riding jookas, bathing in the underground hot springs and eating his name-sake
Disklikes: Bright light, complaining refugees and getting lost
History: Of all the things that he had to becalled it was "noodles". His name was the result of cravings during his mother's pregancy. And well...it stuck. Soba lives in the underground village of Tu Long. Which was a haven for refugees and travlers. The earth benders there act as guide for those just passing through. He and his father Toramaru, are also guides. He also loves to ride jookas which look like combos of dogs, snakes and scorpions. They were thought to be accuall Tu Longs or Earth Dragons, hence the village name. Soba has strange emthatic connection with them. Which is a connected to the superstion that he must never cut his hair or less he'll lost his gift. So he keeps it constantly braided. Soba is fun-loving, cheerful and energict. He will fight for the sake of his people and his love for his father and little sister is uneding. Oh he has a pet rat named Tama too ^^
This was my first OC, Before I made Sekar and the Trio and Kavik
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storybookgirl
Hakoda
Zutarian Ambassador
Mom, I will try to, try hard to make you proud of your boy. (icon by Gotterdammerung)
Posts: 1,939
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Post by storybookgirl on May 3, 2006 7:27:06 GMT -5
Oh, don't worry about it. I just had a HUGE history test today...well, yesterday, and after all those long four or five essays I had to write, I'm kind of like "Meh..." I mean, I realize that's not an excuse, I'm just having a hard time trying to find the right words today for a lot of things.
Y'know, I had the perfect words just like ten minutes ago to describe something about Ana, and I forgot it... Dang...
Oh, and Amaya has some faults, but she wasn't made to make Ana look good. The opposite, really. Amaya is afraid and hopes that marrying the general would secure safety even more for her family and people. Therefor, she kind of flirts a lot and can be seen as very annoying to the general.
In the noble's eyes, they made a colaboration with the Fire Nation to save their skins, yes, but also the city and the people living in it. They figured they might as well suck up to the general so that there wouldn't be too much damage.
Oh! I remember what I was going to put now. ...wait, dang...that comes later in the story. ...so never mind. Dang, I can't think today...tonight...morning, whatever it is. I'm just kind of staying up early/late so that the sun can start to rise and I won't have to walk to my room in darkness and stuff. Because I watched part of the Shining and now hallways freak me out when I'm alone. Yeah, I'm lame.
But thank you for all your help!
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Angel Eyes
Koh
Okay. Who ate the cookies?
Posts: 5,111
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Post by Angel Eyes on May 3, 2006 7:49:25 GMT -5
Mine: Kiyana
Age: 70
Gender: Female
Nationality: Born in Earth Kingdom, but not exactly loyal to it. I'll explain below.
Occupation: Was a ninja.
All about her:
Well, she's not completely fleshed out yet, cos I keep changing stuff here and there.
Basically, she's an old, retired ninja who now lives in a forest near a small town. She is infamous for her skills as a ninja and also for her 'loyalty' to anyone who pays for her service. (If you've seen The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly, she is very much like Lee Van Cleef's character, The Bad: a ruthless bounty hunter.) Not a very nice person, would sell you out if its to her advantage. Still pretty good with a sword, though her age is getting to her. ^.^ has the standard bruises and cuts that go with her profession.
That's all I have for now.
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Post by Mashnii on May 3, 2006 8:00:18 GMT -5
This is a second generation OC for my fic (which is dark : . I know she sounds alot like Katara, but I need her to be that way because of the fic. Name: Tolui Age: 6 Nation: Water Bends: Water Natural Bending Level (talent): 2 (fair) Parents: Katara and Dalan (another OC; a Water Tribe warrior) Personality: Tolui is manipulative and spoiled, but like her mother, very stubborn yet kind. She can be very hypocritical, but frankly, Tolui doesn't care. She enjoys waterbending, and playing with kids her age, and even though she may seem like a spoiled-rotten girl, she can be sweet and loveable. Physical: Being a waterbender, Tolui has blue eyes and dark hair with tanned skin. Her Purpose: Tolui is in the fic because, after the death of her mother, she is sent to live with Aang. Aang, filled with sorrow and grief, first despises Tolui, but as time wears on, he begins to feel a fatherly love for the little girl. How bad is she? *plugs ears*
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Post by cinnebon on May 3, 2006 9:26:22 GMT -5
Sorry mine is really long, it's a couple of people.
Kiya Nyoko Hoshi Nickname: Ki
Body type: curvy but definitely not fat.
Hair: Blonde, it's pretty short. Wears it in low ponytails
Eyes: blue
Clothes: She wears a yellow and orange, short, side-slit dress with shorts under it.
Height: 5' 4"
Personality: Fun loving and sometimes acts ditsy on purpose. Loves acting like a kid and being around her friends. She's a poor loser, even though she might not show it. She can be conceded and selfish at times. She also has a bit of a temper. Sometimes sarcastic and she does some pretty dumb stuff once in a while. She also likes to pretend she's a ballerina when no one is looking and likes to chew on stuff (pens, paper clips, straws ect...)
Likes: Combat, winning, animals, laughing and admiring her self in the mirror.
Dislikes: When people ask the same question more than once. Overly goth people and overly happy people. When people act fake. Oh yeah, she hates spiders.
Name: Tige Ara Isamu Nickname: Ti, Ara
Body type: thin...i guess
Hair: Blonde with tiger stripes. (Dyed)
Eyes: Gray
Clothes: Cargo pants and a green halter top. not sure about shoes ^-^
Height: 5' 5"
Personality: Happy... but not overly. Tries to keep her friends out of trouble, but likes to have fun. When she's told that theres something she needs to work on she takes it personally, and works herself very hard master it. Likes to read and walk around.
Likes: Tigers, being a ninja, Kiya and Kenshin, forests.
Dislikes: People being horribly rude. Being criticized and really deep water.
Name: Kenshin Shiro Hoshi (Kiya's cousin)
Body type: he's pretty thin, but ya know, thin muscle.
Hair: extremely light blonde. Whatever style.
Eyes: Grayish blue
Clothes: I don't really know...
Height: about 5' 5"
Personality: Kiya thinks he's a pain but Tige thinks he's really sweet. Kenshin cares about his friends although Kiya and him are constantly at each others throats. Sometimes he acts really dumb, but he isn't that stupid.
Likes: games that include running, learning something new, Girls.
Dislikes: food that's mainly fish, the dark, when people ignore him.
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Post by stinkypinky on May 3, 2006 16:48:06 GMT -5
Name: Zheng Age: around the 30's nation: Earth occupation: Swindler; theif Skill: Good with daggers Description: Zheng hates benders no matter what nation they're from he views benders to be a menace. He believes that if there weren't a benders at all no nation would believe they were better than the other. He has little patience and only cares for one thing, money.
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Post by thiylan on May 3, 2006 17:20:39 GMT -5
Yes. She's a Mary Sue. 1) Your username is the same as the character's: first indication of a self-insert. 2) Mixed heritage when we have yet to ever hear of such on the show. Not saying it's impossible, but the story of a Fire Nation spy who managed to infiltrate all the way up to an Earth Kingdom general is complicated and exceptional enough that you would have to work to sell it all own its own much less just as backstory in passing for your character. 3) Your description of her appearance is excessive and over-precise. The appearance itself is anomalous when compared to how people on the show actually look. Both classic signs of a Mary Sue. Also, the overcoat is anachronistic. 4) "Ridiculously high" skill level with a sword. 5) Half of her flaws are not actual flaws, but rather personality traits that could easily be considered admirable by most. She won't back down? She'll put herself in danger for her friends? Real flaws would be she's antagonistic, so she picks fights or she puts herself in danger when there's an easier way because she's not very smart. Being unable to have children is not a personality flaw and calling it such is very near to being offensive. And being unable to go without food for more than five hours is a weakness of her condition, which is not her fault and thus does not count as a flaw of hers. 6) Abusive childhood. 7) She's been possesed by a demon despite the fact that we've never even heard of there being a such thing as demons on the show as far as I can recall and neither have we ever heard of anyone being possessed by a spirit with the exception of the Avatar since he's the carrier of the Avatar Spirit. Yea, I kinda didn't think her through too well. The problem was that I created her for an original story, actually, I created her character and have been tweaking her since 1999. I should have made some major changes to her if I wanted to create an Avatar OC, the first being taking out the demon altogether. Thanks for showing me the error of my single-minded ways. Although every username that I have on forums (the exception being on nick.com) has her name in it. Her entire name is Thiylan Kizuba, which I go by on another forum, but that really has nothing to do with this. This is off-topic, but I love this new background.
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Post by tiaramaki on May 3, 2006 17:25:35 GMT -5
I don't think he a GS.
Mine is... Name: Luna Age: 17 (Birthday in a little bit in the FF) Bender: Yes Bends: Water Tribe: North Description: Has long, brown hair that she thinks connects her to her tribe. Has a fur parka at times, and has water-blue eyes. She's 5' 4''. She has the same colored skin as Katara's. History: Her father died when Zhao attacked (In FF, the day before Luna sent out to her journey), but Luna's not that worried. Fiancee of Tsen, another Waterbender, and that causes her to jouney with him to help fight in the war, after they have contact with the South Pole. She disquises herself as a boy (But Tsen and the rest of the crew know that she's a girl) for the only one reason: Hiding from Hydao and the Firebenders. She was a close friend of Hydao when she was little, but sensed the dark spirit from him and took Tsen's hand in marrige a month before her birthday. She learned Waterbending from her father, who was taught from Pakku. Luna's father also taught Tsen Waterbending. She also learned sword-fighting for the fear that she may one day not be able to waterbend so she took some lessons from her uncle. She worrys about Tsen when he announced that he would go to the South Pole and then help fight in the War and goes with him.
To me, that was long. *Whew* Sue or no?
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Post by thiylan on May 3, 2006 17:31:46 GMT -5
I don't think she is a Sue. Of course, I have read your FF and she definatly isn't a Sue in there. But if you are worried about that, what I did to see somewhat if my characters were Sues, Avatar OCs or not, was to write down their character flaws. When I made the bio for my OC on here, I was out of it, and completely forgot about some things. So, yea.
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