Horyo
RP Admin
All your bending are belong to us.
Posts: 2,572
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Post by Horyo on Mar 16, 2008 2:44:36 GMT -5
Exploitation
My cravings, my thirst, all came halting before me. Choking desire, grasping at me, my throat, With the thrust of my efforts, I took my bounty: from her, I plucked, the fruits of my labor. And I lay, rested. And as I see, as I have seen, I come to resolution, that Adam will always take from Eve, the apple that sends his soul to hell. And to Eve, herself shall never redeem.
Words Sticks and Stones will break my bones, and send me to straight to the Styx. Hound of Hades rips through my soul, as Tisiphone's lashings echo sounds all through the cave, as I look to the surrounding shadows. I fall to Tartarus, unaware, of my fate of eternity's despair forevermore. I burn in this prison, suffering from these cursed words.
Tardy Sweeps
Blaring siren whose song kills first, now warns me of her sadistic thirst.
The witch stands there enjoying my pain, as she cackles (and I rush) at my clacking reins.
As a horse I dash through beast by beast. Hurrying to escape the lion's feast
so that I may enjoy another day without lamenting my throbbing feet and falling into such vicious fray.
All the wicked witch's scheming are near its end, and I pity the 165 to whom, Cerberus, Hades sends.
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Post by 8leggdbutterfly on Mar 16, 2008 10:53:08 GMT -5
I hope I'm right in thinking there were two... ?
I liked the first one a lot; its brevity made it easy to take in, comprehend, and for what you were saying I thought the length worked really well.
The second poem was good, as well. The first two lines were particularly great. That might be just because I enjoy the warping of a familiar line, and the word "Styx" is fantastic. I wasn't sure if there was a meter... ? It seemed trochaic for a little bit, but the syllables (and the actual emphasis) were off sometimes. Ack - sorry, I guess I'm just not crazy about free verse.
But I still think these were really good! They flowed really, really well and I enjoyed reading them!
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Horyo
RP Admin
All your bending are belong to us.
Posts: 2,572
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Post by Horyo on Mar 16, 2008 16:40:43 GMT -5
There were actually three XD
Thank you for your comments. I like writing poetry, mostly free-verse, and I'm trying to learn rhyme without it sounding trite or cliche.
Today it Rains
Today is Raining. It rarely does. But when it falls. My tears dry up. For whne it rains. Gray tints from clouds puff up the vacuous sky. The colors of the streets, melt away. The rain, the cause, flushes them out. Today it rains. I feel utter joy. I could just die.
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