Enemies & Traitors

“The Civil War began because Genzai was a weak Firelord. He left issues on tariffs and trade routes unresolved for decades, creating unrest and division among the populous. Kai Hin, resentful that his status as second child prevented him from ever gaining the throne, sided with the dissenters and led them in revolt. In this way he lent some legitimacy to their rebellion. Lady Izuma ascended the throne after the death of Genzai, at about the same time that her brother defected, and she led the loyalists. Prince Kai Hin proved to be a despot though. He killed civilians and salted the earth of any captured territory that supplied loyalists with food. Avatar Roku believed this was a violation of universal balance, so he and the Fire Sages sided with mo—I mean, Lady Izuma. Kai Hin now realized that, with the Avatar against him, his cause was lost. Many rebels tried to defect, but Kai Hin executed any who did so publicly. He attempted to cut his losses and launched an all-out attack on Izuma’s forces on the Crescent Island. With the help of the Avatar, he was soundly defeated. However, our Nation’s economy has yet to recover.” Prince Sozin finished reciting but remained standing. He was not to sit until his tutor allowed him.

“And how could the war have been prevented?” His tutor asked in a tone that sounded disinterested.

“Genzai should have acted quickly on the economic issues and enforced his rulings strictly. Then there would have been no time for dissent to breed. Kai Hin repeatedly requested the throne be passed to him, so Genzai should also have known his designs. Instead Genzai expanded the size of Kai Hin’s duchy hoping to compromise. Genzai should have taken more drastic action against Kai Hin, possibly imprisonment or exile. Genzai also should have made more efforts to keep his people unified, but as a weak, vacillating ruler neither side could rally around his policies, and as his chosen successor, Lady Izuma had to overcome that stigma.” He was not to call her “mother” during lessons.

“Very good, Prince Sozin.” His tutor looked out the window. “That will be all for today. You are dismissed.” As a nineteen-year-old, Sozin realized that was one of the last history lessons of his formal education. He happily made his way to the courtyard, hoping to perhaps meet his brother there. His brother Kuzon had probably cut classes again. Kuzon’s absence from the courtyard confirmed Sozin’s suspicions. That probably meant he wouldn’t be at combat training either.

Sozin rubbed a bruise on his left eye he had gotten in the last session. He hated training. And it would be even worse without Kuzon, since the trainer would have to work on Sozin for the entire time. Sozin sat down under the shade of the tree by the turtle-duck pond, hoping to thoroughly enjoy the brief interval between history lessons and combat training. He just hoped his mom wouldn’t be there today.

After half an hour, Sozin took his sword and reported to the agni kai arena. Kuzon always said it was weird having a combat arena at their house. It was mostly so the royal family could have private lessons, but Sozin always told him, “You’d be surprised how often people in mom’s court get their honor insulted over tax rates for fertilizer.” Kuzon would laugh at that.

Sozin’s trainer was his stepfather, Gizu, a famous general from the Civil War. His and Kuzon’s real father had been killed fighting a cell of Kai Hin loyalists a year or two after the war officially ended, soon after Kuzon was born. Izuma had married the general for two reasons: he was a noble with military service, so politically it was a good match. She also felt he would make good father for her sons, because he was strict and did not believe in leniency. Izuma valued love, compassion, and intelligence in a mate, but she cared more about how the future Firelord was brought up. She refused to let him be an impotent paper tiger who let his country fall into ruin, as her father was. So she had married an oaf.

Simply warming up for practice was an ordeal with the general as a teacher. Sozin had just finished warming up when he heard his mother. “I believe it’s time we test the prince’s abilities.” She walked into the agni kai arena and took a seat next to the floor. Sozin felt cold. He was afraid.

The general nodded at her in affirmation. He approached imposingly, and without ever changing his stride he took a practice naginata, with bamboo in place of a blade, from the weapons case at the side of the arena and stepped onto the agni kai floor. Sozin tried to focus, but he was frightened. The general’s tests were difficult.

Sozin tried to call up a list of the advantages and disadvantages a single sword had over a two-handed polearm like that, but even as he thought, the general swung the rigid bamboo at his legs. Sozin jumped just in time. He remembered that a low sweep was a common opening move for the naginata. But Sozin could not regain his footing from the awkward leap, and the general brought the weapon back in a higher sweep, smashing it into Sozin’s shoulder and leaving a welt. That was his sword-arm. Sozin’s mind started to panic and all he could do was back away from the advancing weapon. He took his dao in the other hand and made a couple wild swings, forcing the general to retreat slightly. Gizu made a long thrust with her polearm, hoping to regain some ground. Sozin dodged and painfully grabbed the shaft of the naginata with his free hand and swung towards the general with his sword, hoping stop the blade at his neck and force him to yield. Before the sword got anywhere near the general, Gizu stepped in with his back foot and kicked the side of Sozin’s knee. Sozin fell to his knees and released the naginata as he felt his whole leg give out. The general spun around in front of Sozin and whirled the bamboo into his back. Sozin’s torso fell forward under the force and the wind was knocked out of him.

Sozin slowly picked himself up, coughing roughly. The general marched up, grabbed the back of his collar and jerked him into an “at-attention” stance. “All right, Sozin. For one thing, you should be proficient using a sword in either arm. You’ve practiced it enough, so why are you STILL unable to do it?” the general barked.

“I don’t know, sir.”

“And, if you know you’re not proficient with both arms, don’t you think you should guard your good side more carefully?” the general yelled again, slapping the welt on Sozin’s shoulder with the back of his hand.

Sozin couldn’t bear the angry gaze of his stepfather any more, so he dropped his eyes and muttered “Yes, sir.”

The general backhanded Sozin across the face. “And you NEVER look away from an opponent!” the general angrily reminded him. “Ever! What’s wrong with you?”

Tears quivered in Sozin’s eyes. “Can I have…a break…now?” he panted. He looked at his mother, sitting there with an indifferent look, as though watching her son’s ordeal was as natural as watching a leopard-weasel devouring a rabbit. Perhaps to her it was natural. It happened regularly enough. “Sozin, this is for your own good,” she said. She truly wished she didn’t have to put her son through all this, but it was for his own good. “You will be the head military official of the Fire Nation one day. If you are not strong, the Fire Nation will not be strong.” She paused, then spoke to her husband. “Now, please teach my son to use the sword in his other arm.”

“Looks like I’ll have to, now,” Sozin’s stepfather chuckled as his mother left the arena.


“Sorry!” Aang called back to the occupant of the house whose windows and paper room partitions he and Kuzon had just glided through. Kuzon was just laughing and laughing.

He held on to Aang’s legs as Aang tried to force his glider to mount another building. “Let go when I tell you,” Aang said. “It’ll be fun.” They made it a few feet above the arch in the pagoda-style roof, and just as the glider started to lose altitude Aang called out “Now!” Kuzon let go and sprinted down the roof, unable to stop because of the momentum. Aang did the same, spinning his glider to close it. They ran clear off the roof just as Aang opened his glider and Kuzan grabbed his calves. The glider began climbing again.

The two friends made for the beach down by the edge of the capital city, where the wharves stop. As they came over the sand Kuzon called to Aang “Do the crash-thing!”

“Alright, buddy!” Aang said, wobbling the glider violently. “Oh no, I’m too tired to airbend anymore!” Aang joked in a funny, theatrical voice. “Looks like we’re going to…to…”

“Crash!” they yelled in unison, as Aang put the glider into a nosedive. Kuzon laughed as he watched the ground rush up to meet them. Just at the last second, Aang created a huge air cushion, and he and Kuzon landed softly on the fine sand. They lay on their backs, laughing.
“You never get tired of that, do you?” Aang sighed.

Kuzon squeezed out a “no” between his hysterical laughs.
After a time they stopped laughing. Aang sat up. “What do you want to do now?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

“I don’t know…Are there any good animals to ride around here?”

Kuzon thought. “Well, if we go a little down the coast, we can ride the pentapi.”

“You can’t ride pentapi. They’re only about this big,” Aang said, curling his thumb and index finger to indicate their size.

“No, see, you’re thinking of purple pentapi. There’s all kinds of pentapi. We have red pentapi in the Fire Nation. They’re about twelve feet long. And they hate being ridden,” Kuzon added with a mischievous smile.

“That’s what makes it fun!” Aang exclaimed. That seemed to decide the question, and the two boys got up and walked down the beach together.

They were silent for a while. Kuzon looked out at the water as he walked. He was twelve and Aang was ten. “Aang, we’ll always be friends, right?”

“Sure,” Aang said.

“Like, no matter what? Even I grew up to be Firelord?”

“Yeah, of course. Would we still be friends if I grew up to be the abbot of a whole Air Temple?” Aang put his own spin on the question. He sometimes received special training or learned advanced techniques from the monks. They told him he was being groomed to become abbot of the Southern Temple.

“Yeah. Would we still be friends if I grew up to be a cabbage vendor?”
Aang laughed. “Would we still be friends if I grew up to be a world-famous fruit pie baker?”

“If you let me eat the cake. Would we still be friends if I grew up to be a…umm, a pirate?” Kuzon joked.

“Yeah! That would be so cool! Are you kidding? A pirate friend…Well, okay, would we still be friends if…I grew up to be the Avatar?” Aang paused. What had made him say that? Sure, the next Avatar would be an Air Nomad, but…it couldn’t be him…

Kuzon began laughing so hard he had to stop walking. “You? Ha-ha-ha! Avatar? You’re just a goofy kid! Ha-ha! Okay, we’ll still be friends, but you realize the Avatar has to worry about the whole world and stop disasters and stuff? It would really cut into our goofing-around time. I’m gonna come ask you if you want to go take your glider down the river or something and you’ll have to say”—he broke into a deep, sad-sounding voice to imitate a disappointed adult Aang—“ ‘No, I gotta go put out a raging forest fire. Maybe later.”

Aang laughed. “Yeah, we sure aren’t looking for any responsibility like that, are we Kuzon?”

“Hey, I’m pretty responsible,” Kuzon told him.

“Aren’t you cutting lessons right now?” Aang shot his argument down.
Kuzon laughed. “I don’t see what that has to do with anything,” he joked. He started to walk closer to the water. “And anyway, I am the Avatar,” he declared.

“Really?” Aang played along.

“Yep, I already know waterbending.”

“You do not know waterbending!”

“Yeah?” Kuzon replied. He scooped up some water from a receding wave and flung it at Aang’s face. Aang sputtered and shook his head. “Then what was that?” Aang caught a glimpse of the devilish smile on Kuzon’s face before Kuzon turned and ran down the beach, with Aang chasing him.

Kuzon and Sozin are brothers: the plot bunny around which this whole giant multi-chapter revolves. Well, hopefully it's getting moreinteresting now. By the way, I hope I made the "FN history" part clear enough. Chapter 2 coming this weekend

Actually, I think this very good. you have an excellent grasp of grammar and spelling (trust me, those go a long way), and your intelligent style is very readable. My only issues would be that the dialogue is a bit lacking, and the plot doesn't seem to be going anywhere. I'm sure you have a plot in mind, it's just not readily apparent at this stage, and making sure it is, very important to making sure a reader stays with the story.

Critisism aside, you're off to a very good start, ad I look forward to where you go with this.

Sorry, I had to do some emergency rewrites, but here is Chapter 4 as promised.


“Izuma, Great Lady of Fire to our nation for 38 years. You were our fearless leader in the Civil War. Our benevolent defender of national unity. You were mother of Sozin. Mother of Kuzon. Wife of Jiroh, now passed. Wife of Gizu. We lay you to rest.” Two Fire Sages lit the sarcophagus. Sozin listened to the Fire Sage intoning. He thought he was sad, but he refused to acknowledge anything he might be feeling. He stared out with cold determination at his subjects assembled in the plaza below. Crying was a weakness he would not allow himself. He had been beaten whenever he had cried in public as a child. His mother wanted to wean him of the habit of making his emotions known to others. That was a weakness his enemies could easily exploit if they were made known. He was only twenty-one, and he knew his enemies would expect such a young Firelord to be an ineffective, cowing whelp. He refused to appear weak on his first day as Firelord. It was the best way to honor his mother. He walked over and knelt before the sarcophagus. “You are now succeeded by your first son.” The Fire Sage placed the diadem in Sozin’s topknot. “Hail Sozin, Lord of Fire!”

Sozin watched the people and the Fire Nation standards they were holding incline low before him. He clenched his jaw. He would not cry.

Kuzon had cried though. He was still crying at the funeral, but more softly. None of his attendants could get him out of bed that morning. A servant had entered Sozin’s room as he was getting dressed, asking that he try and get Price Kuzon ready for the funeral. Kuzon had been staring up at the ceiling when Sozin entered. “Go away,” he had said.

Sozin, pretending not to hear him, had sat down on top of Kuzon. “Boy, Kuzon’s got a lumpy bed,” Sozin had joked, trying to cheer him up.

Kuzon had just pushed him off. “Mmph! Sozin! I’m not in the mood, okay?”

Sozin had lost the little patience he had. “Well, what do you want to do? You wanna lie here and be sad the rest of your life?”

“Yes,” Kuzon had flatly said.

“…Too bad,” Sozin had told him, yanking him out of bed by his clothes. “You’re a prince, and you have a state funeral to attend. Take some responsibility for once, Kuzon! Mom would want you to be strong. You can’t abandon your duties just because you’re sad. I’m sad too, but the people need to see a strong Firelord. That’s more important than feelings…And I’m your guardian now, so you’d better be dressed by the time I get back!” Sozin stormed out.

Kuzon glared at his brother’s back and wiped his eyes.

Kuzon had had a different experience with his mother on the eve of her death, and allowed himself to feel his sadness more so than Sozin. Izuma had been gravely ill with a flu-like fever. There was a plant known to be able to lessen the symptoms, but it had been almost wiped out in the Fire Nation Civil War, and none were available to anyone who happened to contract this illness, not even the monarch. Her sons had watched her grow weaker and weaker, but nothing could be done. More than once Sozin had somberly pulled a misty-eyed Kuzon away from peering through the barely-ajar door to her chambers. At one point though, their mother had regained enough lucidity to talk to her sons. She had told Sozin what she always told him: don’t be weak, don’t allow the poverty or dissention to continue, don’t let the Fire Nation become divided. But she also urged him to look after and love Kuzon. She said Kuzon would always be truly loyal to him, because family are the only ones you can really trust. Kuzon was much more openly sad and she had comforted him. She told him to love his brother and not grow apart as she and Kai Hin had, but she also revealed what Roku had told her, about the chi of the two brothers. She told Kuzon that although Sozin would be his guardian, he had to watch over Sozin as well, and make sure he didn’t do anything rash or become too much like Kai Hin. Then she told him she loved him, and was very proud of him. It took Kuzon a while to digest what he had learned about his brother, on top of Izuma’s death soon after, and he was still trying to figure things out at the funeral.

After the service, Sozin ascended the Dragon Throne for the first time. Ironically, the throne of the Firelord was pretty cold to the touch. Sozin also thought it seemed bigger than it had been, and he felt like he couldn’t fill it. I’m just nervous, Sozin thought. All the gathered courtiers and officials awaited the new Firelord’s very first decree. The first decree was highly ceremonial. It wasn’t supposed to be influenced by any advisors, and the Firelord was supposed to phrase it in the proper, traditional way.

“I, Sozin, Lord of Fire, Scion of the Sun, Guardian of Sons and Daughters of the Flame, by the Power of Agni and the Eternal Conflagration, hereby make this decree, and all that follow, solely for the betterment of the Fire Nation and in the service of its people. For my first decree as Firelord, I command that a council be formed to study ways by which the Fire Nation can decrease its dependence on foreign imports.” There was applause. Some important agricultural districts had been made barren when Kai Hin salted the earth in the Civil War. Since then the Fire Nation had made up for the dearth of food by importing crops from the Earth Kingdom and Air Nomads. This cost more and was causing poverty and unemployment rates to climb. Although the courtiers would have applauded anyway.

Sozin eventually raised his hand to silence them. “For my second decree, I command that a Royal Observatory be built on Mount Sugin outside my city.” Now he would have his own observatory only a few miles away, just like he’d always wanted as a boy. It’s good to be the Firelord.

Sozin’s first few months of rule were not too eventful. Dignitaries from the other nations wanted to meet the new Firelord, so it was mostly hosting banquets and garden parties. Plus there were some tariff modifications to sign. There had been some rumors of rising poverty rates in rural areas, but no regional prefects were coming forward with complaints, so Sozin paid it no mind. Eventually, Sozin’s council on foreign imports reported back to him. They offered a few solutions. A lot of them involved trying to regain some of the Fire Nation’s traditional lands. The Southern Air Temple controlled Kalden Island, a place known for its vast orchards of a versatile food called birdfruit. Hardy, nutritious, used for making dye and its tree for building material, birdfruit had been a staple food for the Fire Nation and Air Nomads for generations. However, it grew in few places besides Kalden Island. The island had once belonged to the Fire Nation, but had been given in exchange for an evacuation airlift from a besieged city during the Civil War. A cold snap had killed much of the airbenders’ crop that year and they desperately needed the food. Sozin decided the orchards on Kalden Island would probably be the easiest resource for which to negotiate.

Sozin sent messengers to the Southern Air Temple with a request that they open negotiations. They agreed, and the negotiations were held at the Count of Saiga’s estate in the south of the Fire Nation. They went on for months, but the Air Nomads conceded nothing. There were not many resources in the mountains, and there was a blight affecting some of the types of cereals they raised. Losing the orchards might not cause widespread starvation, but it would make life much harder for the monks and cause dangerous disruptions in their economy.

When he heard of the failure, Sozin was livid. “Those orchards were once part of the Fire Nation! They rightfully belong to the Fire Nation! How dare those monks withhold Fire Nation resources from their rightful owners!” Sozin told himself he was enraged by the starvation in his country, but really—and perhaps he knew this inside somewhere—he was enraged that he could not make the airbenders comply. He was angry at his lack of power, even as the Firelord. At his weakness.

He exiled the head diplomat, but he couldn’t do much else. The Fire Nation was in no position to move against the Air Nomads. Sozin sent emissaries to the Water Tribe and Earth Kingdom to negotiate for access to food resources, but they only made negligible gains. Sozin, unwilling to accept the Air Nomads’ refusal, sent more and more forceful requests to reopen negotiations every few months. The unrest over the rising poverty rate in the Fire Nation was growing.

Keep in mind whenever there's a chapter about Sozin and Kuzon, they are both the ancestors of Ozai, Iroh, Azula, and Zuko.


Sozin was in his observatory, fuming as he spun a gyroscope he had had made. He usually came to the royal observatory when he was angry or depressed. The airbenders had refused his offers and there was nothing he could do about it. He still had some emissaries in the other nations, but they certainly wouldn’t make any progress if even the airbenders didn’t think he was important enough to negotiate with. Sozin was tired. He walked over to the chair in front of the observation table and fell into it. He put his hand over his face and rubbed his brow. They all think I’m weak, he thought. They have every right to think that if I can’t make this Nation powerful again.

Sozin sighed loudly. He looked into the sextant. He looked at different patches of the sky, noting the movement of the constellations. The constellation of the Heavenly Spearman would be rising soon. He looked up at the sky. I need help with this…There must be a way…

Frustrated, Sozin walked slowly back to the palace and began wandering, looking for anything to inspire him. How could he recapture the island with no resources or soldiers? Soon starvation would set in, and the Fire Nation would get even weaker and more unstable. Mother told me to be strong, but it’s so hard. She thought I was a failure as a child and she would still think so now! It all ran through Sozin’s head as he wandered, coming to a stop at the Royal Family’s private ancestral shrine. He decided to appeal to the honored Lords of Fire before him for help. He lit the incense and tried to pray, looking at the portraits so neatly lined up in the shrine. He imagined his picture there. The way my rule is going, my picture will be last one before we’re overthrown.

He looked down across all the portraits. I’m shaming them all…I hate myself! He looked past the picture of the first Firelord of his dynasty, thinking that some new family might soon have a picture of Sozin’s usurper in that place. How did you do it, honored ancestors? How did you bring our family to power? He thought of the Jubilee, the celebration of the ruling family’s rise to power centuries ago, that it might fall on a new date if he were to fail. Every hundred years the Jubilee was extra special, Sozin remembered. But why was that again? There hadn’t been a centennial jubilee in his lifetime. Something to do with how his ancestor, the first Firelord of his dynasty, had come to power. The comet. The comet! The Comet! That was it! Sozin’s ancestor had discovered the comet’s power and used it to launch a series of tactical strikes on his rivals and unite the Fire Nation under one ruler. The comet had always been considered a symbol of security, prosperity, and good luck in the Fire Nation, although to other nations it was considered a harbinger of bad luck. I have an observatory. I can calculate the comet’s course and when to use it to maximum effect, Sozin thought. He clenched one hand triumphantly and stared into the darkness around him where the meager candlelight didn’t reach. “I will be remembered as a great Firelord. I will make this nation strong again.”

Sozin knew that the next centennial would fall in four years, and over the next few nights, he and his astronomers calculated its trajectory and discovered a wonderful surprise. “Then that means,” Sozin said, “that in four years this comet will pass lower than any in history.” Sozin’s face lit up. “This nation will be great again,” he whispered to himself and the darkness. He spun back around and barked to his astronomers and fire sages, “Summon Scholar Shunkai! I think he is about to prove himself very useful.”

Steam power had just been invented by Shunkai during the Civil War, but had not really been incorporated into any large-scale machines. Kuzon was at his brother’s right hand the following day when Shunkai was brought before Sozin, just as the Firelord had requested. The guards dumped the shackled man before Sozin in the throne room. “You are Scholar Shunkai, are you not?” Sozin asked. Kuzon’s eyes went wide as he stared at the man. “Shunkai!?” he exclaimed. He never expected to see the man alive. He hoped Sozin was just going to have him executed.

Everyone knew Shunkai was the most notorious traitor of the civil war. Rumor had it he was some kind of genius, and at a young age he was offered a position as a vizier and court scholar under Genzai in the waning years of his rule. When the civil war broke out, he feigned loyalty to Izuma for a few months, but then defected to Kai Hin’s side, taking certain pieces of valuable military intelligence with him. He had also developed a device that could launch a child’s top using steam power, as part of a project to develop a new power source with which Kai Hin had charged him. Izuma, Sozin’s father Jiroh, and some other generals were able to reorganize their strategy, but they lost time and came out at a disadvantage until Roku lent his aid to the loyalists. For his crimes, Shunkai was sentenced to life imprisonment.

But now Sozin had plucked him out of jail. He stood before the Firelord in shackles and the filthy rags that had to pass for clothes to prisoners. He was gaunt and his once pale skin had become discolored from years of hard physical labor in the sun, which all scholars despise. It was tanned, but also had a hint of yellow to it, like parchment might if left outside under the same conditions. His hair and beard were unkempt and flea-infested, hanging down in greasy strands over pinched facial features and darting, beady eyes.

“Since Kai Hin’s men burned your original designs for a steam-powered engine, I am told the only place to obtain such designs is in your mind. Am I correct?” Sozin questioned.

“Yes,” Shunkai hissed. “My...lord.” He pronounced the last word like a curse.

“I have a proposition for you, Shunkai,” Sozin said. “You will design and build a steam engine that can be applied to ships and other machines of war for me, and I will formally pardon you and reward you handsomely,” Sozin motioned to a guard who opened a small chest filled with gold pieces, “or you will rot in a jail cell for the rest of your miserable life.” He paused briefly. “Need some time to think it over?” Sozin mocked.

Now Kuzon had to interject in protest. “Shunkai?” he cried. “How can you even think of trying to get his help, Sozin? He’s a traitor. He’s an enemy of the Fire Nation and our family. I don’t care what he can build, you can’t accept help from a person like that!” Kuzon was becoming increasingly dismayed by the people his brother had surrounded himself with since Sozin had become Firelord. Sozin had even allowed their stepfather to keep his position as the head general, even after how he had treated both of them growing up. Sozin had told Kuzon that Gizu was just the best man for the job, and that personal feelings didn’t enter into the decision.

“Be still, Kuzon!” Sozin snapped, shooting him an angry askance look. “I am fully aware of who he is. Just relax, it’s strictly politics,” Sozin said, very suddenly adopting a comforting tone. He motioned Kuzon over to him and whispered to him. Sozin was not ready to fully reveal his plan to anyone but his brother yet. “If the airbenders do not return them willingly, I’m afraid I’m going to have to recapture the southern orchards in order to augment our food supply and end all the starvation. I can’t hope to win with the Fire Nation so weak, but in four years a centennial Jubilee will occur and the Comet will return. If this one passes close enough I might be able to conquer that island with even our limited forces. It could be the miracle we need to begin reconstruction, and become strong again.”

Kuzon was shocked. He had mostly stopped listening after his brother said the word “conquer.” He couldn’t believe it. War? “You’re…really planning to go to war with another nation?” the fourteen-year-old asked.

Sozin smiled at him as though he were as innocent as a baby. “Kuzon, I know you skipped a lot of history lessons, but you do remember that Kalden Island was historically part of the Fire Nation. They rightfully belong to us and we need that food right now. It’s the only way to capture this food source we need to rebuild all the parts of our nation damaged by the war. People are starving every day. Not only that, they’ll soon want to overthrow me. It’s the only way to save the people and keep this nation strong.” Kuzon thought about it. It made sense. He didn’t want anyone to starve, or his brother overthrown. His brother probably knew better than he did anyway.

Sozin now turned his attention back to the prisoner. “Shunkai, you will be provided with resources and a chamber here at the palace in order to complete your task, but you will still be considered a prisoner until your war machines are ready and you have fully proven your loyalty to me. Understood?”

“I followed Kai Hin because at the time I believed his side would be the winning one. I won’t lie: I wanted power, a place in the court. I picked the wrong side. If my great lord will grant me freedom…I will do whatever he wishes,” Shunkai said, bowing low. Sozin motioned and the guards escorted the prisoner to his new quarters.

After he was gone, Sozin realized Kuzon still looked uncomfortable. “I’m sorry brother, but this is the only choice. I’m doing it for the greater good. Please believe me when I say that.” Kuzon looked at his feet, then silently nodded.


A few months later the scene in the throne room was almost exactly the same. This time, however, Shunkai was well-dressed in red scholar’s robes, his oily hair slicked back and curling at the collar, although mostly hidden under a wide, puffy scholar’s hat. He had an easel with blueprints for a new machine, a tank, which incorporated his steam engine and was, he hoped, exactly what the Firelord was looking for.

“Launches grappling hooks here,” Shunkai indicated on the blueprint. “These treads are spiked to dig into solid rock. You can see this turret here. It rotates 360 degrees. A firebender can be stationed inside to lay down short range fire.”

Sozin sat with his fingers interlaced, resting his hands in front of his mouth. “This can scale mountains?” he inquired.

“I designed it for all-terrain deployment. It should be able to scale a mountain.”

“All right. Bring this to the war ministry office on the other side of the palace grounds. I want to see a prototype in three months. We’re going to test it.”

Shunkai bowed. “Thank you, Lord Sozin.” He turned to leave the room.

“This had better not be a waste of money, Shunkai…for your sake.”

Sozin had just recently created the war ministry as part of his military expansion program. While Shunkai was almost effortlessly designing Sozin’s new machines, Sozin began several programs to put the war effort into full tilt. He issued an isolation decree to prevent word of military expansion from getting to the other nations. No one came into or went out of Sozin’s country. Anyone who tried to sneak out was executed. The lack of trade meant a temporary spike in deaths from starvation, but Sozin always believed it was for the greater good. He told the people that sacrifices now would make them better off in the future.

Sozin increased firebender and soldier recruitment drives. As the comet drew nearer, he changed to forced conscriptions. He began construction on steam-powered warships. Metal refineries and mining complexes sprang up all over the Fire Nation, especially on the barren earth left over from Kai Hin’s attacks. Since crops could no longer grow there, they were used as land for factories, and became some of the Nation’s largest industrial districts. To Kuzon’s dismay, Sozin kept Shunkai around to oversee the design and production of steam-powered machines. Shunkai eventually became as close to Sozin as any of his advisors. Eventually Sozin formally made him War Minister. Of course, what the people heard about Shunkai was that he was a reformed traitor who had realized the error of his ways and only wanted to make amends and serve his country. Naturally, their magnanimous Firelord granted the humble penitent’s wish.

Some nobles and commoners still objected to the military expansion. They did not like paying the higher taxes and the siphoning of resources to the military. And some just thought it was wrong for the Fire Nation to display such aggression. Sozin would not allow dissent to ruin his Nation’s one chance to regain its glory. He established an elite force of secret police, which would snuff out any potentially rebellious sentiment. He couldn’t let the civil war repeat itself, could he? Sozin wanted someone he could trust as head of the secret police, but he thought Kuzon was too young for something so dangerous, so he gave the job to Gizu. Though in his late forties, he was still a capable warrior, and one of Sozin’s top generals. While the Death’s Head Helmet with the skull motif had been introduced for standard military firebenders, Sozin’s secret police wore red, horned helmets that wrapped around the entire head with the exception of two eye holes and decoration on the forehead, all framed in white.

Sozin also created a council to oversee newspapers and publications, and make sure they didn’t contain any treasonous sentiment. Eventually this council put out its own literature for the purpose of glorifying the Fire Nation and its ruler. For the most part it worked, and almost the whole Nation was behind their beloved tyrant as the comet drew ever closer.

I agree, excellent work. Your exposition is very good, though if your ending is the beginning of the war, you seem to be getting there rather quickly...perhaps you have more to tell us? I will admit that while your dialogue has improved, there seems to be a lack of it...exposition driven stories are fine (there aren't many of them), but when it comes at the expense of dialogue scenes, the story can get kind of boring. It's like watching an endless montage, if you know what I mean. Especially since the only person you really seem to be developing is Sozin (I know he's the main character, but still). Learning a little more about the inner workings of Kuzon might be nice, and Afiko, honestly, seems a little bland. He's kind of one-dimensional, in that he's almost absurdly agressive and direct...I don't know, he just seems flat to me.

Good job, and keep it up!

that was very gud.
the writing is great and the characters seem well developed, everything fits in.
great job, your 4 months really paid off.

Hi, I'm back. How long ago did I update...(checks). Darn, I meant to do this sooner. Anyway, here's the new chapter. This is almost halfway in the story, and in terms of writing it I'm almost done, so there should be no more breaks, probably. Please enjoy the rest!


For four years, Sozin postponed what he knew would be the final negotiation with the Air Nomads for Kalden Island. Finally, Afiko, Lobsang, and three other monks were summoned directly to the Royal Palace. “Just let me do most of the talking,” Afiko told the others as they approached the palace.

“A little full of yourself, aren’t you?” Lobsang cautioned him. “You are lucky we agreed to let you participate in the negotiations as it is, Afiko. You should be mindful of your place, or when we return I will recommend you for disciplinary action again.”

Afiko scoffed at the plump monk. “Stifling my way of thinking, just like always. First I’m left to be passed around from monk to monk after my mentor died. Then you senior monks refused to allow me to train the Avatar. You never even considered me. And you refused my suggestion to make a preemptive strike against the Fire Nation, even when you know the situation looks dangerous!” Afiko growled as they walked through the large golden doors to the palace.

“You sound like a petulant child. Be quiet,” Lobsang told him.

As they walked through a maze of hallways, escorted by two servants Afiko continued to argue with Lobsang in a loud whisper. “One day the airbenders’ survival will depend on me and my ideas, and you’ll beg for my help. You’ll see my way is the right way.” Even if I have to make you see. Lobsang just let out a frustrated sigh and rolled his eyes as they finally entered the throne room.

Sozin greeted them with open arms. “Welcome, monks of the Southern Air Temple! We’ll begin these negotiations later, but first I would like to take you on a tour showcasing the Fire Nation’s recent industrial progress…to promote good relations between our two great nations.” Sozin smiled again, and lead them out of the throne room.

The monks followed his sedan chair all over the city. He showed them the dojo where firebenders were training, the steam-powered warships at the docks. Each time the monks were shown a deadlier and more destructive war machine. At each location the tour guide emphasized the destructive power of what the monks were being shown.

Finally Sozin showed them the new tanks. “Notice the treads and grappling hooks. These are designed for all-terrain deployment and can easily traverse uneven ground, ice,” Sozin paused and smiled at the monks, “even scale a mountain.” Lobsang looked at Afiko, and Afiko returned a smug expression, hoping the others were realizing they should have listened to him about the Fire Nation. Nevermind that Sozin was threatening him as well.

Sozin conducted them back to the palace. A table laden with food was set up in the throne room. Kuzon sat at the right corner, closest to the throne. Sozin looked around and adjusted his sword as he took a seat on the throne. “We’ll commence the negotiations after dinner. I’m sure you gentlemen must be hungry after our tour.” The monks ate calmly. They were concerned, but it was not in the nature of an airbender to act out of fear before exploring other avenues.

When they had finished and the plates were cleared, Sozin said “Gentlemen, I promise these negotiations will be quick--,” there were some chuckles, particularly from the other Fire Nation representatives, “--because there won’t be any. I don’t have to negotiate with the Air Nomads, or anyone, anymore.” He raised his hand sanctimoniously and snapped his fingers.

Immediately secret police flooded through the doorways as Sozin bent the veil of fire before the throne to protect himself. Even the other Fire Nation nobles were firebenders in disguise. Kuzon jumped up and drew his dao. The airbenders took out some of the troops, but they were in a confined space and the firebenders had the advantage in numbers. One monk tried to fight off three firebenders and was run through. Kuzon saw this and immediately felt sick. He couldn’t fight anymore and tried to flee. Afiko saw Kuzon hanging back, and took the chance to attack. Kuzon dodged one of his blows, but couldn’t stand to hack his sword into the airbender and actually kill him. Afiko didn’t fail to take advantage of Kuzon’s hesitation. He hit Kuzon with a harsh air blast, slamming him into a column. Gizu immediately struck Afiko in the back, grappled his hands and began to increase the heat flow out of his hands, mildly burning those of Afiko. Afiko and the others were subdued, shackled, gagged, and held at bladepoint.

Sozin addressed them with a haughty laugh. “What you saw was merely the tip of the iceberg, as far as this nation’s military might is concerned. You’ve seen how easily I can take back my island, and whatever else I may want from the Air Nomads. And make no mistake: I intend to use my armies, soon.” Sozin glared at them for a moment. Then he began to nonchalantly examine his fingernails, showing the monks their fates meant nothing compared to his grand scheme. “But I would never want it said that Firelord Sozin was not a generous adversary, so I offer you four a proposition: Go back to the Air Temple and smuggle every last flying bison back to me. Any who cooperate will be rewarded with land, wealth, and a place in my court, not to mention their lives. You might as well cooperate. Within a week the Air Nomads will be a defeated people.” Sozin motioned to the guard. “Captain, remove their gags.” The soldiers held their swords right against the monks’ necks, giving them no opportunity to airbend and escape. Sozin gloated over them with a smile.

As soon as the gag was out of his mouth, Lobsang spat at Sozin.
“Then kill us,” Monk Lobsang said, without hesitation. “Any airbender would rather die than serve a warmongering tyrant.” Afiko only looked at the floor as the other monks shouted in agreement.

Sozin snarled. “Fine. Oblige them,” he ordered the soldiers.

“Wait!…I’ll help you.” It was Afiko.

Lobsang looked at him. Tears welled up behind his glasses. His words were steeped in disappointment. “Oh, Afiko...”

Afiko looked at Sozin as Lobsang was killed. He thought of his burn-scarred hand. I have no choice. This is the prudent thing to do. The airbenders are weak. They’ll be captured or killed anyway. I always knew this would happen. I have to keep Taro safe. If we live, I can at least guarantee the survival of the Air Nomad race. His and Taro’s survival was the paramount value to Afiko. Even though it went against all airbender teachings, he had always had an intense fear of his own death. Taro was the only other person he had ever been close to, probably the only person in the world, besides himself, that he cared about.

“I have a pupil at the Southern Temple. If I help you, you must guarantee his safety as well.” Afiko hoped he had the courage to die for his pupil if Sozin refused, but mainly he hoped Sozin just wouldn’t call his bluff.

Sozin considered for a moment. “…Very well, I give you my word that he will be safe. You are now free to go,” Sozin smiled at him. “But I’m sending my friend Gizu with you as an emissary, to make sure you haven’t lied to me. You’re not a liar”—Sozin breathed the word with mock disdain—“are you…” Sozin made a gesture indicating he should give his name, but Afiko could hardly stand to do so. He knew he had made a smart move, but he couldn’t shake the sudden feeling of guilt that had come over him.

Finally, he spat out the word. “Afiko.”

Kuzon remembered something. “Afiko, tell me, can’t the monks escape on their gliders?”

Afiko felt his hand. He glared at Kuzon. “No,” he growled. “Gliders are for short trips. They’ll never make it off the archipelago. No one can airbend for that long.”

Sozin regarded him. “Hmm…We’ll have to set up a blockade to catch potential fugitives. It’s a fool-proof plan,” he smiled. “Afiko, your name will be revered by the people of the Fire Nation as that of a hero.”


As soon as Afiko returned the next morning he went to the abbot. “Afiko! I’m surprised to see you back so soon,” the abbot told him.

“To be honest, I’m surprised to be back this soon. The negotiations just went unbelievably well. The Firelord wants to start a whole new mercantile relationship with the Air Nomads.” In the course of his lies, Afiko felt but a few twinges of guilt, and he justified these by telling himself that the monks deserved it and that he was doing it for Taro.

Gizu chuckled knowingly at Afiko’s lie. “And who’s this?” the abbot asked.

“A merchant from the Firelord,” Afiko explained. “He’s here to make sure we don’t sell Sozin a bunch of…empty crates or something.” He laughed nervously. “I told him that wasn’t necessary, but the Firelord insisted, and I wouldn’t want to offend him.”

The abbot looked at Gizu suspiciously. “Of course not.”

“The other monks are still in the Fire Nation, getting things ready on that end, paperwork and such, so I’m going to need 32 bison for a trade caravan.”

“Thirty-two?” the abbot was incredulous. “No. That’s the entire bison population at the temple…I’ll give you twenty.”

“I don’t think you realize how important this opportunity is. I really need all thirty-two.”

“What do we need this trade for? Air temples can easily be self-sufficient…Fine, I’ll give you twenty-five.”

“I really need all of them. There are many items to be delivered and we shouldn’t risk offending the Firelord.”

“Surely he wouldn’t be offended if the caravan had seven less bison.”

Afiko suddenly looked very frustrated. “Please, just give me all the bison.”

The abbot gave him a stern stare. “Afiko…no. What could you possibly need thirty-two bison for?”

Suddenly his countenance became worried. He looked at Gizu. “You’re too muscular to be a merchant. What is this?” He sprang off the dais into a back flip just in time to dodge a low fireball from Gizu. The abbot smashed him into the wall with a blast of air from his foot, while at the same time sending one in Afiko’s direction with his hand. Afiko blocked it. While Gizu was unconscious, Afiko and the abbot exchanged a barrage of blows, all to be knocked away or blocked by the opponent. Afiko and the abbot moved spun like tops. Their arms were a single blur and their feet never rested. Finally, Afiko got close enough to catch the abbot’s wrist. He locked it and pulled it towards him, performing a very basic airbending technique taught to children younger than Kunchen. The abbot knew it well. Afiko punched at the abbot with the other arm but the abbot moved it away. He shot his hand up toward Afiko’s head, but Afiko caught the abbot’s arm and locked it, then he tried to surprise the abbot with the same move on the other side. The abbot got his arm inside and locked Afiko’s. Their arms were now completely entangled and locked together. Both struggled to break out, but neither could.

“You brought this on yourself,” Afiko said. He turned 180 degrees, taking the abbot with him. Gizu had just come to, and he sent a fireball into the abbot’s back. The abbot squirmed and moaned, losing consciousness. Gizu produced a leather rope and tied the abbot’s hands, feet, even his fingers to make sure he could not airbend.

Afiko took Gizu to the abbot’s office in the adjoining building. They dumped the unconscious abbot in the corner. Afiko quickly wrote up a notice of approval to allow him to take all thirty-two bison, stamped it with the abbot’s seal, and did his best to forge the abbot’s signature based on some other papers in the desk. He took it over to the monk who kept the bison stables. “Is everything all right?” the bison keeper asked. “I thought I heard a struggle.”

“No, I was just demonstrating a form for our foreign guest here,” Afiko lied. Gizu smiled and nodded.

“Well it was pretty loud,” the bison keeper laughed. “Take it easy or you’ll blow us off the mountain!”

“Oh, sorry,” Afiko mumbled, laughing weakly. “Please just give me the thirty-two bison, all right?” He showed the bison keeper the note.

“That’s a pretty big request. I’d better check with the abbot.”

“The abbot, er, isn’t feeling well. He retired early tonight.”

“Oh my! Someone should check on him,” the bison keeper said.
“Oh, no, I saw him before, and I’m pretty sure it was something contagious. I wouldn’t go if I were you. I have a note from him right here. That should be good enough?”

The bison keeper gave the note a cursory glance. “All right, all right,” he said. Afiko and Gizu moved all the bison out to the courtyard to get them saddled up as quickly as they could. Afiko hitched them together using a special bridal that wrapped around the horns of each bison. It was almost exclusively for trade caravans. It allowed one monk to drive multiple bison. To make it look convincing, Afiko loaded several empty crates and baskets onto the bison. The irony wasn’t lost on Afiko. On Gizu, it was.